lesbos and fresh toads

Happy sunday my luvlies…trust ya’all had a wonderful sunday service for those of us that our churches closes like 12ish or 1pm…and for others who stay in church from morning till late evening..the Lord is your muscle..even as you rub your stiff bottoms from sitting on that hard surface of a bench, when there aint no fancy looking chairs like the ones they have for the ministers and pastors sitting there, and the constant rubbing of feets of gals who decided to wear elongated hills …which ends up making them walk funny and pose funny, plus most of them end up having this big salis them that looks like strong yam…for a leg. *wide smile*….
Oh trust i do know that hills makes an outfit look good on a girl…but know this~..you see a beautiful dress in a shop..it looked good on those dolls and you thought it would also look good on you and you went ahead and bought it, and eventually hated the dress because it didn’t look that hot on you…but you forget that its a dress and just because it looked good on another person doesn’t mean it would look same with you..so we don’t have to wear anything in vogue to keep up…plus also..it doesn’t matter the kinda dress..but how you wear it..what you wear with it..same goes for hills..and sometimes the confidence you exude …don’t ya’all know that confidence, creativity,ambition, and being your own person is the new sexy?….if you kill it in jeans, or shorts or maybe casuals or flats..dude make it yours..ya don’t have to be dressing like beyounce’ on stage and lady gaga..to have a personality…*rolls big eyes*….plus people don’t realise that those are stage acts and looks..outside that in real life…*i want to believe oh* that they live responsible lives…..* just so you know..i go beat craze comot from any of my future pikin body if by any thing na to dress like lady gaga or male version of her…Denrele..#just saying…its my opinion*..anyone interested can book future dress-alikes…i refuse to care *. So quick question tho…how many of ya’all remember what was preached in service today?..anyone? any…o..n..e?…hmmm ok..make ona dey sama bin laden there..but sha let’s take it in good faith that we all are attentive christains…”Looks sideways real fast”..well…muslims, budhist, and others …*by others i mean traditionalist, babalaowo~ist, black bra~ist witchcraft~ist and all of the too numerous to mention others under the others..*..ya get my drift baa?*winks*…awww i always knew you were a smartose#because they also go to church to either pray for their souls or for your soul to do what…don’t ask me!!….so anywayz.. …
Today’s topic was on evangelism…
Pastor “guest “spoke really well…urging the congregation…to do the mission field work..come out in their numbers to support in cash..or person..and continue the good work of God….as usual church quiet..when its usually related to barista wogu aka “money”. There were things he said about mission evangelism, plus stories of past martyrs ..and it was a story of how some missionaries where going into a barbaric land to preach and they were pleaded to not to go because the people were cannibals and eat their fellow men…and they would die if they go. The men of God replied…” They were already dead”…which meant that they had died in the flesh for God to be alife in them, and maybe also that if to preach the gospel would cause them their lives..they have already signed their contract and so they would go and die…..now host pastor comes and says..”Church may you all die in jesus name!”…
Church ….”Silence*……then i heard one or two faint “amen*..#i aint telling you wether i said amen or not..so stop thinking it… *sighs*#….but congregation silent like graveyard…truelly no one wants to die…despite pastor didn’t mean that literally…abi? ABI?…but still on still..they need volunteers..interested members should please will all their properties to me…i would kindly take care of them for you as a good christain…
You see while i was still in secondary school…this senior prefect was checking me out..girl oh for that matter..no no don’t get it twisted…i like boys…so she coming to me and writting love letters makes me go eWww and arghhh everytime i remember it..just like the scene in one tree hill when brooke enters and almost walked in on her father and mother doing it…who have been separated n hated each ohter but yet agree on the terms and conditions of bedding~nism..lolz…
Brooke..”Mum?..Dad?…ewwwwww!!! …#i vividly remember the way her face squeezed up #..
So..yep i shooed her away a hundred times and a hundred times she comes bearing gifts…”Food, chocolates, free hall pass, no punishment..when every junior is made to sing..
“We are a toad oh we are a toad oh we are a rotten banana…seniors thank Ɣσυ!!
, and stand on our desk or hide under it”..i’ll be by her side, feeling like a princes, and she queen bee…who aint getting some *straight face*..oh yelz..i had high standards which included “No girls!…restrictly boyz zone with Legit VIP pass*….
So …she tried hard but failed. I got an invite to a round by the corner come and sit and eat party by her, with a few of my friends..i didn’t want to go..they wanted…i was forced, and it was during school hours..eventually…since i couldn’t beat the crowd..#oh yeah i counted..3 seniors and 6 kiss ass juniors*…i dropped my bag in school and followed them,they weren’t going to take no for an answer…so i told them..30minutes top.. School was still on but sports was on by then so….
3hours later, having refused to eat or drink just sitting down and having tears in my eyes that didn’t fall and was worried and afraid, and watching the party go on..one thought kept coming…” I go die today…my mother would scatter cane for my body”!! …and the stupid gurls turned down all my pleas to go saying “i would be punished”.
Past 5…* i left home past 7 in the morning oh…school has close since 2…and my mama send me go school…choi!! Me js1 fresh toad…outside till past 5 *..i started saying my prayers.
Eventually 6…i practically ran out pleading ulcer that comes with epilepsy and jonsingness since other lies like menses didn’t work because they offered to check,ashma..which one offered her inhaler, body pains which queen bee was happy to massage..Hell to the nah!! ” My body is the temple of the Lord!! Only my mother knows how to massage else things..vital things go spoil!!…those girls mean bizness…
So i left…or ran..or lied mashuped lies..and got me out..to school i went, empty..dry…when i got to my bag..empty too…*I held my head..and started the cry from there*…new paid for notebooks and text books,wallet ..and everything…Gone!!
See i considered options…running away.., hawk on the streets or say i was kidnapped or some bulshit crap lik that..see i knew i was dead..anyreason to go down as a felony or a victim..??
…I walked the long distance home with an empty bag…got to my gate..mama with a very long cane..elder siblings in toll..see..they woundnt believe a word i say..even if i told them it wasn’t my fault….
Mama…”Ehen so..you…”…* the lashes began*..
Me…”It wasn’t me”…

*abi was it shaggy? *thinking*

See i never remembered the beating..both i remembered going back to school with moro moro *skin shinning cut*…and hatred for them same species..well..the ones that their biological makeup has been altered….she loved from afar and never came close..i wrote a letter to her “..my godmother does voodoo..she said if you ever speak to me again…i should do to you what witches do to their dolls with needles*
Moral of the story…..???…”Make sure you carry a camera to prove your innocence next time”!! *wide smile* #word

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