They must all be blind?
She sat across them..leaning into her chair…staring at them…they looked back at her..with scorn, hatred, resentment, disappointments and disgust…
Their eyes judged her..
Their mouths filled with venom..
Their words peirced her being..entering her very core..threatening her very existence..
“How could they possibly think she could ever…actually do..wholeheartedly indulge..willingly commit..totally and capably …activily act..without remorse..decidedly…with out the slightest humanly thought…do the most wretched thing ever…??
Oh!! They did not just think it..they believed it.
And worse, from the mouth of a “believer”…and counted her as a “sinner”
She couldn’t compete with that.
Who would believe her. She would take up her case and give her the benefit of doubt.
She looked around at everyone in the room…did she see a smirk on one of their faces..?
Does smirks that she could clearly read..
“Oh!! Well well well…here goes miss prime and proper…i always knew you’s a good for nothing gurlie..they got you now..haha! Who’s the Bi-atch now? Bitch!!”
On a few..shocked, and it turned into disappointment..and then disgust quickly.
..One the one person..she feared to look unpon..broke her heart ten times over in a single second.
She saw pain..hurt..dismay..and everything put together..and then anger and confusion.
“Please” her heart pleaded with those eyes..
“Please”….don’t let them get to you too? Please!! Mama..
Those eyes looked away just then..
She closed hers…blinked back tears…
“All is lost and never to return”..she mumbled to herself.
Her heart was shattered..yet..still..the words from the “believer” broke her out of her reverie.
Words as daggers..thrown at her..twisting deep into her heart.condeming her even more..urging her to fess up…the crimes she did not commit.
Claws feasting on her heart..breaking down her defences..blood everywhere…her heart that was beating so fast suddenly slowed down to normalcy…calmness all too sudden..
She stepped out of herself..and took it all in..
In a flash…she played the scene in two..
Her in the first…screamed out…lashed and denied the accusation..proving herself innocent of it all…trying to make them see..how it is all a lie. Yes she is no saint..had tasted the waters..even eaten of the tree of good and evil…roamed the streets of caravans..danced the dance of the loose ladies..dined with kings and had her own share of bads..
But never had she consciously..willingly..decidedly..being so ruthless..to have been the ender of beautiful things..and done it continuously at the expense of her life???
No!! I haven’t!!
They thought her to be quite mad.
Believer says..”She would deny ofcourse!!
“Yes yes she would”..everyone says.
“Which sinner would admit to his flaws and deviousness?” Believer cued..
“Yes yes..no sinner would!” They said.
“She is lying..through her teeth. Anger..she is possessed..she needs to be delivered. Heart as black as stone. Deeds as dangerous as a volcano..repentance as far away from the reach..as sight is to dreams of a blind man without hope”
“Yes yes..Liar liar..with venom and and all that is wrong..put her aright..let not her wretchedness bring her too soon to her doom. “..they cued back!
Aghast!! Betrayed!! She wailed in tears.
Yes you did!
I have never!!
Numerous ..countless times..you did!
Yes! He knows all! The dirts of your hands had He seen..repent.!!!.
Who would believe me?
She walks herseld into the other ..
Here..hearing all the spewed..
So hard that tears comes out from the corner of her eyes.
Shocked!! They stared.
Believer ..with the word in his hands..
“I rebuke you”
“Rebuke away!! No one is stopping you”..just that.. I don’t have time for this..so please don’t bore me with your belligerence..”
Staring at the rest of them..
“You know…so much for being a family..you’all don’t know shit.
Even if i could’v supposedly..outrightly..totally..being cold-blooded…at the supposed danger to myself too..
Wouldn’t ya’all have noticed?
Since ya’all claimed having the eagle eyes on things..can suspect the most covered up..from a mile away..and yet..if i had been the “sinner”…i wouldn’t have too hard to find out.
I lived and stayed amongst you..
Ate and clothed with you..
Smiled and cried with you..
Loved and hated with you..
Was healthy and fell sick with you..
Knowing all these and more..shouldn’t my trangressions be a lil more visible even if i tried to hide it from you?
Yet..you would believe a man..clothed in white..saying all the right words..because he carried the book of life?
Whatever happened to trust?
Not that i can never…no! No one is perfect..i have done my own share of bad.
But trust enough to want to listening to my pleading eyes and broken heart..to the quiver of my lips and the shaking of my hand..to the scare of loosing what we all had..to wanting to know the truth within the chaos of confusion. Whatever happened to love?
Whatever happened to all these and more??”
Blankly they all stared. Together they still united in their veil of unbelief.
“Smart words won’t get you out of the lope”…harsh words came from them.
You did this!
You can’t hide from the truth..
The fire of stubborness burns within you..
Begone from her so true repentance can break free!! *chants*
She steps into herself again.
…They would believe what they want.
They would cast me off without a glance.
I could scream..i could shout..i could say it all..till my words dry out…and write it out for all to read about it..
Still..they would believe what their hearts and minds turned towards the words of believer wants them to believ.
*Resigned. To her fate*
..She opened her eyes..breathed..and waited.
“Why didn’t you say anything to them?..she was asked.
*intake of breaths*
“Would you let evil grasp your heart and cloud it with intent once more?”
*pulled to her knees..urged to remain there…hands flying..heads touching…chants and prayers made..knees burned from the hardness of the earth…hands cluched like fist. Heart bleeding…fences go up..mentally building up a walls made of bars*
She cued and bellowed.
She knew the lines..she said them too.
Strangely..she was no longer troubled. she looked around..they have had their heart’s content.
Believer looked pleased..even felt accomplished.
The family she knew..she saw them in a different light.
The aura of misgivings loomed..the emotions of disgust,disappointment and happy-they-caught-her- still persisted….but within all this..she felt …calmness.
*she smirked herself*..remembering something which said..
“You may not be perfect..but you don’t have to prove to everyone how you are, or what you want to be..or become..or used to .. You don’t have to always prove a point..or make’em see. You do that..they would only think you desperate. Do you. Always do you. At the end of the day..you have only yourself to live for, and prove to yourself your own worth. Let’em believe what they want to. If they cared enough. They would’v asked you.
Prove nothing! “Let it be. Be you!!”
She got up after the charade’.
She lifted her head high..opened the door and walked off.
Not looking back.
She might as well..get started on the devious..don’t they think?
People would rather blame, abuse convict,and misunderstand you..than..listen, talk..or be in your shoes.
Its safer that way for them.
It gets tiring when you want them to so desperatly see just how wrong they are..they just don’t see..well not through your eyes.
They accept the convenient.
They embrace it.
You could keep at it..but sometimes. Its just pointless.
They either come around or they don’t. Prove nothing. They can’t see it..they better remain mind. By you trying to prove everyone wrong for the assumptions they made about you and your life…you forget to live. And life goes by…and comes to an end.
Here’s a thought!..be you! Give’em the suprise of their life..
Do what you love.
Act right. Leave responsibly.
Do what makes you happy..be with whoever makes you smile.
Live your dreams..
No regrets! Live is too short..don’t prove nothing. Instead..let’em see how wrong they are for themselves.
Nothing is hidden under the sun..