AbsoluteVent

(˘^˘)
}
So..em..i know its being awhile i was up in your faces but..alot has been going on..so puleeez cut me some slacks ok?
Well..not as though any ya’all being pushing some dough right to my corner to give ya’all the impetus to mutter such…to yourselves tho.. because i know ya’all aint talking to me!!
So take a frigging-chill pill aight! Let’s be civilized here ok?

*cools off*

Good!!

So …like i was saying..its been crazy.. Don’t ask me how..just understand that it is.
A blawdy crazy trying times.
I have been in and out..up and down..totally sidelined and all mashed up.
Do you understand?
…No?
What in the world are you doing here in the first place then..?
Yes dufus!
You!!
You..with the big-small-brown-orange-red marijuana smoked eyes looking right back at me….tell me..what do you hope to achieve been here?…
Ofcourse you don’t know. Smh
But…they say its a free world so i can’t very much tell you to shoo because you aren’t a cat..nor run along as though you got fire in your ass and you are trying to meet the train heading for boston.
So relax..feel free and…dude just whatever mehn!
First off…do you know how annoying when someone stares at you..without flinching…just keep staring…???

People in cars..staring
Passerbys ..staring…
You walk by an office and people still gapely staring…
And what’s worst..when there is traffic…jezzz!!!!
Dude at this point am tempted to rush to the nearest mirror..or glass shop with mirror and look at what the hell they are staring at..
Because i vividly remember that..i still had two eyes not three..normal looking ears…not ben stiler’s flappy-pointed ears.
.dude!! I was still the sassiest beaut walking the earth *feels myself*..huhun!!!
But that’s not the point….
The point….*whoa..wait! What’s the point again? *thinks*…
Mtchewww…forget the point!
Thing is..
They just stupidly stare…i wasn’t naked…*yes i checked*…
I don’t know…maybe because I was new in town and they smelled me as a vampire would smell blood from a million miles…twas arghhh!!
Almost shouted!!
“Tha hell mehn?…really people really?”
Ofcourse you would look more stupid than they are.. So ignor’em. Shade up..and ignore them.
Just well..make sure you looking pretty tho..

Yes i said it..
Akwa ibom folks do give a mean annoying stare.
Deal with it?
Like i have a choice.

Have you ever been so broke that..the even broke ass niggurs look rich beside you?
Even the word “broke” don’t even wana be the word that qualifies you…nor describe you?
Hmm..have you ever?
Well…yes am fessing up.
I was so broke that.. I couldn’t Bis-ed my phone mehn.
That is…well..actually one of the reasons..i was incommicado…
*looks straight into your eyes*
Ya’all aint about to be so judgy right now are you?
*Plays chris brown ” don’t jugde”.. And mentally recalls the bible where it is written somewhere somwhere…”Not to judge”

Look i aint GEJ’s neice aii…so..i do get broke…and during those times you are hoping for someone to smile on you..
You try their numbers and that’s when you hate those words the most…
“The number you are trying to call is switched off/not available please try again later””
Chai!!!
You would want to strangle that Mtn voice through the phone..only you don’t know her and can’t find her..she could be an alien or just some configured machine as that wench on I-robot..for all you know, so messing with her or it ..is not advised. Not even an option.

So you sulk!

When you have just 200bucks, trust me..G.nut and garri would be the best you ever had.
What’s worse…
Alawi..na till next month!!
Smh! Times are hard.
No one is willing to borrow you money *cries from remembering*..
You think of selling your phone. But who weigh it..
*your mind tells you*

“Yo! Sweetness..who keeps you company when everyone lives?
Me..”Phone”

Mind-“who never lies to you nor would never leave you..go with you where no man has gone nor will again?

Me-” tha Fuxxx!! Huh?

Mind-..”Bitch answer the question yo!!

Me- ” *straight face*.
.
Mind- “Puss!!

Me- “really? *straighter face*

Mind-“”..You know am just kidding right? I meant to sa….

Me-” niggur just shut up!!!
Phone stays!!

Mind-“ok!”

Don’t mind that!
…..
You must have heard about something else other people did just to make some quick dough..but when you hear and envision the pain from four-lanes…from different calibre and fibres…sizes and height..rotten,fresh and collasped tires…
You would wanna gaurd yours with everything that you have..chastity lock and whatnot..iron bars and throw away the key…
*shrugs n ewwsss*
Ok don’t throw it too far though..just incase some prince charming comes..loves that and puts a ring to it..
You’ll need all that and more…for the diggy-with-it and do the whole remix of the lil wayne’s “tappout” in all its finess!
So no! Brokeness is something you don’t wanna expirence in an unknown land..where things are like expensive as hell..
No one cares wether you are a corper..and supposedly federal government property…
You touch ..
You pay!
You thief…they burn you.
Too harsh?..
Ok my bad! Still on still sha..

So if you see me now and wondering why am all slim and shii..don’t..i repeat ..don’t assume am aspiring to be the next top model..
Na hunger strike.
So be compasionate good samaritans of this great country that we have here..and send me some change…
I call it change because it wouldn’t do you much but it would definitely do me plenty..
So my account number is..01358xxxx
Got that?
Great!
Love ya ‘all so much..
..
So where was i?
Oh yeah..times are hard.
Its so hard that i aint thinking straight.
Am all bent on all fours..*ok..don’t do that..have all nasty thoughts just now because i said i was bent on all fours..
Just looking for my torch. So its nothing sexual you perverted minds.

Tis dark as black mehn…even Nepa…*which yes we are used to calling it* refused to sparkle this evening for me.
And those mosquitoes are coming out and singing their song..
*sobs*..
Times are hard!
Really!

*smells someone toasting something in the kitchen..mouth begins to water and senses begins to be clouded*

Ahhhhh!! This right here is heaven..
The smell of food!!
…*remembers quickly*
Oh yea..folks..ama have to get back to you..i want to..em..drink water…throat totally patched…so em…arrrrgh fuck it!!
…Ugoooooooo? My friend my friend….
*leaves the room*
………..

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s