*Biting fingernails and deep in thoughts*…
You know when you have that awkward feeling that everything you feel right at that very moment is not particularly awesome ?
Like its just completely out of your hands and that there is nothing you can do per se about it?..
Kinda leaves you breathless right?
Lost for words…and inability and capability to turn it totally around.
Kinda sucks tho.
Say for instance…*thinks*..
I really don’t know….my head is twirling around with a million pieces like half-harzard puzzles that don’t seem to fit together. Really doesn’t make sense does it?
Yea ..thought so too.
Its supposed to be a normal day.. But its not.
Everything just seemed to be going wrong..
And i don’t know why!
Firstly, how can you begin to phantom the stupidity of people …?
Its really uncanny you know.
You know how it feels when you’v worked so hard…at whatever job you are working, knee-bent, hands in dirt, nose piled up in books never ending..marking endless scripts, throat patched from screaming and lecturing, hands tired of holding up projects and chalking away at the board, endless unrestful nights and lack of a social life..you know that feeling?
Of having worked your fat,slim, padded or boney ass out ..and yet..
Come pay day….they intend to…emphasis on “purposeful intent” to frustrate your poor life.
Imagine!! Pay into the bank..
Not entirely blunt No.
More like..they would take a lil before they would do that. Like take out of your money for themselves..*straightface*
But you know what i say to that..?
Fack’em..and thunder fire’em!!
This my money.
Mine!! Mine!! Mine!!
I live for that shit.
So no moneyglutton is gonna come chow on my benjamins on my expenses.
I had gone everyday to “pay office” as also a thousand others..and the pain and stress just to get what is rightfully urs…
Its excrutiating i swear.
But everyday we went. Enmass we went. Struggle we did. Panted we did. Some sheded a lil tears..others like me..cried inside and formed badass outside..i also counted my change each time i got home hoping it can take me back the next.
We quarreled. We sweated.
They did thesame thing also.
Start by 1pm. Close by 3pm. Attended to a percentage of us.
They know the crowd every year. The see the pained,hungry, desparate looks..they see. They can’t be blind. And yet..they do what they do.
Such inconsiderate attitude.
And yet they say..”We are overcrowding them”
..Oh!! *wincing in anger*
If only we could rub their faces in mud and do all manner of our frustrated evil thoughts to them combined..*whoa..i know what went through my mind..but now am curious what went through theirs..*wonderment*…smh
Well!! God dey..
*preped for another paper chase*
Another day..another time..another thought entirely..
I was strolling down central park and then i saw…*looks sideways*
I meant that..i was strolling in ibom plaza.., What is it? Can’t i have gone out the country and doing things abroad?
Haters on my happiness. * sighs*
Anyways, during my peaceful stroll..basking in the ambience of it all.. Stopped one lil boy hawking oranges…well i was actually with friends tho..bought
a 100 naira worth..which was all that he had..and told the lil niggur to go home..
It was late afterall.
Count one to ten and he was back..strolling and doing the hawk dance with more oranges…
…So was it that this kid was plain stupid..?
He could either..go play with his friends and go home, or..go home early and have a goodnight’s sleep..after all he was done with his sale..or just..scrams!
But he comes back..!!
So i thought..what if he don’t stay with parents?
What if they sent him back out.
What if he sleeps under the bridge..no home to go to? No comfort..just big empty blackness..hard surface..cold earth..left over bread to mulch on and selling cheap oranges was going to help him get by in the night..?
What if ..was a big fat “IF”?
We seem not to sit down and ponder on the phenomenon that goes by unnoticed..
We seem indifferent to what life decks out..in good measures or not.
We seem not to give Glory to whom its deserving..
Waking up unscared.
Food on our table.
Comfort everytime we get home.
Grace and safety…in our daily endeavours..
Achieving, aiming high, being ambitions…
Smiles and laughters we are opportuned to have..
Most of the time..not entirely our doing..
Do we care to aknowleged the supreme authority on which all these settles on?
Life is really a bag of chips.
Being thankfull..at some point in our lives can urge us to channel all thoughts and grateful feeling to our Father, who have loved us so much that..despite our defects and flaws..kept us safe, provided and loved us.
I looked at that boy and realised how lucky we were..how lucky we still are..
We didn’t have to suffer that much and yet..we didn’t give a shit to be thankful!!
*mentalling retracing steps to undo all wrongs*
And when you think they aren’t looking…..
You’v pried into their innermost thoughts.
Probably wondering why…the truth feels like a lie and a lie feels like the truth.
You don’t have a problem.
The whole fucking system does.
Its been corrupted.
So it therefore passes out information that toils with your mind.
You can’t shake it off. They aint a thing you can do about it.
Except..believe on the surface..and dig in on the latter. *wicked grin*
Don’t look at me like that.
Haven’t ya’all wanted to know the truth so bad from someone that..you would wanna go an extra mile just to make sure..
Their yes was a yes?
Or that..whatever they told you concerning where they had been and what they were about was true?
Or that emeka didn’t lie to you concerning amaka when chidera supposedly took that stuff from rick, or that cythia said no when there should have been a maybe?
Yes you wana believe them, but see a scenerio when you’v been burned too much and sometimes their word aint enough.
You..would want to…cover all loose ends..right?
My point exactly.
Not doing it for all the wrong reasons though…safety first.
Ada must have gone through her baby’s phone just to make sure he aint two-timing her.
She must have been through a thousand guys to want to make sure that..if he is saying..or preaching love to her, he aint preaching to another.
Been there, done that and she aint taking no chances. Once bitten,twice shy, third time and that makes her a fool. He aint real..she walks. He does..he’s a keeper.
.. So what exactly is the harm?
Well…except its done for the wrong reasons.
Or say…victor had told tom that..he hadn’t been drinking and driving and he didn’t know why he was pulled over for a DUI…since we aint in the US of A…he probably..hits a cat and swerves to the side and hits a tree blind on..comes home unscared but the car aint. You’v asked whatsup and he had said he didn’t know why the stupid keke came out of nowhere and he had to swerve not to hit’em.
You thankful your bro is ok.
So..not like you don’t believe him..you just got a sniff of some ALH. ..tiny itty-bitty. And you can’t force his mouth open to sniff in..
You might just call up one of his dudes he hung with..chatting..not prying headon just to find out and whala!! You see the lie he obviously omitted or the truth he totally told you straighton.
Sometimes we need to really get further to make sure the ones we love don’t hurt us while our eyes been blindfolded. Hurts more. A lil pre-caution don’t kill.
Prepares you even…
P.S.. Don’t get it twisted..didn’t say..don’t trust’em. Trusting someone is a risk..sometimes you need to close your eyes and jump..hoping they would catch you.
If you are lucky..they might just WILL.