I was here!!!

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Xoxoxoxox. .

I was here….

Here in time to hear your first cry..
I was not more than 3 years old..
I had hidden behind my mother when we went to visit.

See our parents had been close friends since time memorial..they played as little girls…and have been best friends since…so it was normal to come visit when you were born.

I was here..

Here in time to hear your first baby chuckle..
I had thought to myself..in that tender age..that you had the most beautiful laugh.

I didnt understand a word you said then…but I knew you made sense with all your baby babbles.

See…my mother used to bring me along whenever your mum had tea parties with the other ladies..

I would sit with you and watch over you..but all you wanted to do was play with the other kids. I didnt mind much…just as long i stayed by your side i was content.

I was here..

Here in time to take you to your first day at school.

You had cried and cried..because you didnt understand why you couldn’t stay home and watch all the baby cartoons and suckle at your mother’s breast and do piggy rides with your pa and snore away in your baby bed while all your toys were all around you with your music overhead playing your favourite baby tones..

You see…our mothers wanted you to go to school and be educated. And since our mothers were such dear friends and did everything together…they took you to my school…and my ma told me…”watch over her..you know she knows no one else here but you”..

So I took your hands..though you were fighting to let go…but I took your hands nevertheless and led you into the world of education. ..and barely before first period was out…you had made new friends…forgotten I existed just a lil while ago…

Forgotten I held your hands while you had teary eyes.
Forgotten i wiped your tears with my favourite jacket…which got smeared with baby catarrh and tears..I didnt mind much…I hated to see you cry.

Forgotten I took out your lunch and tried to feed you. .you kicked it away..pouring all the contents to the ground.

I took out mine when you calmed down and gave it to you to eat….despite I was hungry…you ate without a thank you…I didnt mind.
See…I was happy you were fine.

I was here..

Here in time to watch you become popular in school.

You had long lustrous black hair.
The dimples in your cheeks came out more when you smiled that sweet smile of yours.

Your lashes were long enough to make even barbie jealous.
When you spoke everyone needed to turn around to find out where that sweet sound came from…it sounded like melody to my ears..

Though you were fifteen at the moment….you were a beauty to sore eyes…and everyone wanted to be your friend.

Everyday our mothers dropped us at school. You would run down excitedly..leaving your bag and lunch with me..
I never complained…I carried them.

I even did your homework for you when you were too busy with friends and asked me to be a dear and help you.

I had become a constant visitor in your house.
Our mother’s friendship was begining to rob off on us..
I had become your friend.
I was your friend or I think I was.

You always asked my mum about me.
Came over to my house to drag me out with you…
You told my ma and yours we had homework or a friends party to go to or a picnic.

I thought you saw me as your friend
But all you needed was a cover.

You see…your mum wouldn’t ever let you out by yourself alone unless I was there.

She told me once..” I will be alot at peace if you watch over her…you know how lil girls her age can get???”…

So you go anywhere with me…Without me you were stuck at home..

So whenever you needed an escape you came banging at my door…or asking my mum to send me over…

See our mothers coed…”awww such best friends there are…”…they didn’t know.
No!! They didnt know.
They didn’t have a clue.. that i was just a pun in your lil games.

But you see…I didnt mind…
Being with you..being close to you..was all I always and ever wanted.
Even if I got hurt in the process..I was ok.

I was here…

Here in time to notice you notice other other boys..

I was just out of high school
You were still 3 years below me…

I noticed you had started wearing makeup and paint your nails and wore tighter and shorter dresses.

We had our first fight…because I didn’t like what you were turning into.
You looked beautiful the way you were..you didnt have to change or modify your looks for boys.

You didnt speak to me for awhile.
I was in pains.
But I couldn’t take it.
I apologised and asked you to forgive me.

You made me suffer for it.
But you see..i didnt mind.
I rather be close to you than been anywhere else.

So while I watched and couldn’t do anything. .

You had more boys follow you than chicken and her chicks.
Your friends and you dolled yourself up and attended all the parties.
I had to come along because I was like your escorts, your bodyguard and ofcos your cover….

I hated such parties. What more..I hated what I saw and had to endure.
But I couldnt leave…leave you alone by yourself…
I couldnt get mad and scold you…I might lose you forever and that would kill me..

So I watched in pains…my heart searing …when you had your first kiss under the mistletoe ..while your friends cheered and clapped.

You were happy. You were excited and all I could think about was just how beautiful you were…wearing that smile.

I was here..

Here in time to give you your first birthday gift on your sixteenth birthday.

I was in college..I had saved so I could get you something really nice.
I had woken up really early…I had planned this for a long time.

It was a bracelet…customised and I spent a lil fortune on it.
And a necklace that had your name as the pendant. .

And a watch..that had a picture of you..smiling..in one of those special moments…I captured you. I loved that picture.

I put all these in a box and left my house in the wee hours of your birthday morning…
Climbing to your window..
As expected you were awake…on your computer..chatting or video calling with your friends.

I had knocked and you turned around saw me and smiled.
My heart skipped abit.
Maybe…just maybe..
She might feel thesame way..For me.

You came out to your window and opened it up..inviting me in.

We sat down eating chocolates I got out my ma’s fridge.
I asked you what you wished for in life..

You said alot..exciting things..
About your parents..your friends…about life..dreams and aspirations…love etc.
But nothing about me.

I didnt want to feel dismayed…so I brought out your gift.

I watched you open it…
I saw your expression…you liked it.
I was happy and did backflips in my head.

You turned around pulling your hair from your neck so I could place the necklace around your neck.
I did…at thesame time restraining myself from planting a kiss at the nape of your neck.

I took out the bracelet. There were two. Together they formed a loveshape. ..one having your name and the other mine…and it also read…”Best Friends for ever!!.

You wore me mine and I wore you yours.
‘You told me it was beautiful and you won’t ever ever take it off”

That was a special moment for me…The first we have ever shared.
I captured this moment in my memory and locked it in my heart.

You wore the watch and then without thinking placed a kiss on my cheeks…smiling and admiring your presents.

I was in heaven.

“Do you like them?” I had asked again
“Are you crazy…I love them”..she squealed.
“I won’t ever take them off…”..she added.

I was content.

I was here..

Here in time to watch your party take off..
I laughed at your jokes..
And your funny dance Steps.

I helped to arranged and serve your guest drinks and cakes.
I watched as you invited everyone to take pictures with you but you never called on me.
I wasn’t mad.
Really.
I was happy you were having fun.

When everyone gave you their gifts …I laughed as you squealed like a lil girl having so..much gifts…even your pa got you your first ride..which you cruised with your friends leaving me out.

I watched at the corner of the room..
When he came bringing his gift last..

You had excitedly opened it and within he had a necklace and a bracelet…

Everyone was clapping and Cheering.
“Awww so cute..”
“Put it on”…
“Put it on”.

I watched. ..my heart falling into my hands…

“Wait lemme help you with that”…He said.

She turns baring her neck.

“Oh wait”….she said…
“Lemme take this off”…

She takes off the necklace that she told me only a few hours ago that she loved and she won’t ever take it off.

“Oh…wait you can wear it some other time “…He said.

“Oh don’t be silly …This is nothing. Lemme take it off fast. I can’t wait to have such pretty necklace of yours around my neck ‘”..she said excitedly.

She reaps off the necklace and I felt as though my heart followed in that swift move. And it dropped to the ground as filth …
The bracelet followed and replaced as well as the necklace.

I watched still standing there…hours later..when everyone had gone…but my necklace and bracelet of my beloved dented by her rejection and abandonment…

She never apologised for it.
Not once.
Nor did she ever remember..
Not ever..

I was here…

Here in time to be her shoulder to cry on when she had her first heartbreak..
Here in time to see her run back and get broken times and times again.

I was here …

Here in time to watch her grow into a beautiful woman…find her dream and live it.

I hadn’t gotten the courage to tell her how I felt.

I always felt it was too early…too soon..not yet time.

I was a man now…
With wants and desires and yearning.

I hadn’t even gotten my first kiss yet.

I know…it was crazy and unbelievable.
I had never ever been with a woman. I didnt know how it felt.

And Gosh I so wanted to…but I could never ever look at another woman the way I looked at her.

Was I crazy?
Was I stupid?
was this love?
Will I ever ever love another woman the way I love her…?
I was going  crazy just thinking about her…

Whenever I tried to talk to a woman..get to know her..give up on my love of her..and find someone else to take her place…

I saw her face instead ..in everyface
Her lips…her eyes..her smile..
Her curves…The perfect shape of her womanly bods..and I wanted all of her..

But I didn’t know how to tell her..

I wrote her hundreds of letters I never sent out.
It was after her sixteenth birthday I knew she didn’t consider me as anything.

But call me a chicken…i wasn’t prepared to be rejected Headon so I tucked my feelings between my legs and carried on.

I was still there for her.
Every birthday. .
Everyday of her life..
In her pains..sorrows and happiness  …
I was there…

But she looked right though me..never seeing me..
But I didn’t mind…
She was my everything. ..even if only I knew it…I was content. .
You see…something about love…its overwhelming. .

One day…
I had called in..told her i was taking her out to treat her…which we always did every twice in a month.

She was in college..
I was already practicing in my father’s firm.
She was studying to be a doctor.

So I arrived early..and waited for her to get dressed in her dorm.

We did all the fun things we usually do.
The movies…skating…picnic…etc and all we could think off.

Later that night..dropping her off..in my car..
We were talking as we normally do..
And she told me all she had been up to…good and bad..she always saw me as a confidant.
And whenever she spoke about her boyfriends ….my heart bleed..

I still remembered the necklace and bracelet.  I still wore mine..
She never remembered it..even when most times I dangled it infront of her..like tonight.

I always felt hurt but I never said.
I had kept hers…back in the box…in my drawer in my room. I had never had the mind to throw it away or give it out..all these years..

Maybe I still nursed the notion that maybe…one day..by some divine miracle..she would look right at me and see that love in my eyes that has been burning like that bonfire in my heart for years unending…from the first day I saw her…I was lost.

Tonight. ..I made up my mind to spill it up..

And I did…holding her hands…
Looking into her eyes…

I did…
I emptied all out…leaving nothing behind…ending with..

“I love you..I have loved you for years..from the very first day and I cant keep it hidden any longer.
I loved you the first day I saw you…and I will continue to love you untill tomorrow untill my last breath”…

In that moment…

I took her in my arms…
For the first time…
I brushed my lips against hers. And just as I imagined..she tasted like honey and sweetened chocolates. ..

And when she kissed me back….I felt as though i was going to die…
I was literally floating…in paradise..

She wispered in my ears..
“Take me home tonight “..
I couldnt believe my ears..

Was this real”?

Back at my place..

I was nervous..
I was like a lil kid.

She kissed me again..with intensity much more than before.

I was scared and excited at the same time.

Even my body started to react on its own. I felt embarrassed.
When she laid on my body..I couldnt breath..I could feel every contours and I could trace and draw her if I was an artist.

She told me what she wanted.
Then I knew this wasn’t a dream.

“I cant”..I told her
“Why not??”..she asked kissing me

“Because I haven’t ever….”…I couldnt complete it.

At first laugh. Then shock..and then suprised. .and then she laughed…

“Why?…she asked..out of curiosity.

Should I tell her?
Did I want her to know?

“Because all I wanted and ever dreamed off was to love you and only you…”.

She smiled.

Without another word…she kissed me…undressing me…and kissing all of me..

In one  night…she taught me all I needed to know about pleasure…and pleasing a woman.

In one  night she made me a man.

In one night I fell in love with her all over again..

Not because of what we did. .but because today…she finally looked at me and saw me…
Understood and heard me.
And wanted me as much as I wanted her.

In one night I went to heaven and came back again.

In one night I kissed those lips..that face..touched her in ways I never knew i would never touch her..cupped her..carried her…felt her…warm and wet…heard her…came with her…and wrapped her in my arms and wispered sweet nothings into her ears and watched her fall asleep. .

In one night. ..I made her mine.

I was here..

Here in time. .not able to remove the visions of the nights before..
To be a happy man…to scream at the top of my voice and tell the whole world that my love has finally found me.

Here in time…to hear the phone ring and our mothers inviting me home …”exciting news”…they say.

I had called her dorm.
Her roomie said she had gone to see her parents..
Something about an engagement. ..I didnt quite understand.

I was here..

Here in time. .
To hear you make the announcement. .
You are engaged to the love of your life and you both had fixed the wedding date..barely a few days from now.
He was going offshore so that’s why the hurry..you were going with him to spend the honeymoon out in the carribeans.

I was dazed.
I didnt understand what it all meant.
It wasn’t real.
It wasn’t true.

While everyone was happy and hugging you and shaking you.

My visions blurred.
I didnt realise my feets had developed a mind of its own and walked outside…leaving you…The happy moments behind…The house and everything. ..

I kept walking…tears flowing…my heart shattered. ..my vision blurred. .

Why??
Why?
Why??

Was all I could ask.

I wanted to hate you.
I wanted to die.
I didnt want to feel anything.
I wanted to disappear into oblivion and never returned again.

I remembered the heated passion and all we shared just the night before.

Was it just another game?
Didn’t I mean nothing to her?
Was she heartless as that…
To taunt a man in love this way…

I didnt understand it all…
I wanted to die…
I wanted to end it all..

So I was here instead…

Here in time to watch you walk down the aisle. ..

Despite I wanted to hate you..
You were so beautiful..
You were happy…or you seemed so.
He was a billion bucks…you always wanted that rich and luxurious lifestyle..

I was happy you were getting it.
I loved you too much to even hate you.
Believe me i tried.

You never called me.
You never tried to explain.
I didnt even bother to ask either.
I waited. All night..hoping…but you didn’t even feel any remorse.

You said hello to me like you always did as you passed  by.
And hugged me telling me you hope to see me there..
I looked in your eyes and you didn’t seem to care.

So today…as I watched you kiss him.
Sealing your union…a tear crawled down my face.
I didnt realise it until i felt my ma dabbed my face  with her hankerchief and squeezed my hands.

I think somehow she understood.

I was here…

Here in time to love you..
Even when no one else knew you.

Love you..
Even when everyone else wanted to use you.

Love you..
Even when you made mistakes..
Even when your heart was broken..
Even when you cried…
Even when you were mad..

Love you..
Even when you rejected me and made me sad.
Even when you used me and when all I wanted to make you mine.

Even when you didnt care or say you were sorry.
I loved you despite your every flaws..

I was here…

In time to say good bye..
Years later…when all your life is all but gone.
I never loved any woman the way I loved you.
I never kissed another lips having touched yours.
You were my first and last..

And now that your life is finally over…
I can now lay my heart to rest beside your cold chamber.

I was here…

I am here…now that the service is over..
And all that wore black have all gone in wonder..

I sat by your grave…
Tears flowing deep…
I brought out your box of gifts…
I wrapped it in my letter. ..sealing it with a kiss and placing it in your hands..

Saying…

I was here…
I am here..
I always be here…even when all is gone
My love..my heart…my today..my tomorrow…

I was here…

Xoxoxoxox…

He never left her side…not even at the end.

They found him there…all cold and gone…by the Morrow.

He was buried beside her…

Xoxoxox

True love is overwhelming.
True love is real.
#For the sake of Love.

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4 thoughts on “I was here!!!

    • Very true M.J . Most people feel rely based on assumptions or sort of belief. Speaking out or asking would help clear up the air and enable you know which zone you are in the other person’s life. Thank you awesome M.J

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