You don’t know..

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Xoxoxoxox

You don’t know how I feel..
You don’t understand the need…
I can’t even begin to trace the greed..
I don’t know if it was always decreed

Sometime ago I must have cried.
Yes I know when you left I really tried.
Telling you all those wonderful things wasn’t a bribe.
It was just being true to my emotions it wasn’t a crime..

So long I stood by the window and waited..
I even began to remember why we dated.
It wasn’t because you weren’t what I hated..
It was simply because you were beautiful inside and out..I knew my love for you would never be outdated.

I did no wrong but you left anyways..
It didnt matter when I hoped and prayed…it was just a waste..
The cold nights the empty beds and your kisses and laughter I couldnt erase. .
But all those are gone now I should have known better than wait for your trace.

Just when I was begining to move on and find myself again ..
Gotten rid of the pain..and mending my broken heart so I wouldn’t feel all but slain..
You picked that moment to show up and love me up I wondered what it is you wish to gain..
You fall on your knees and say you are sorry and we should begin again..

I know my heart must have been merry but I coudnt forget those excruciating days..
When I cried and thought I would die if I didn’t see the Hope of rays..
Though it took awhile for me to get up and smile like I did always..
I was content to know I will be perfect soon come what may.

But now as I look at you telling me all those words..
Those “I love you” and ‘I miss you” and ‘I want us back”…I tried not to think of the worst..
I must have prayed for it and wanted it so much..
And I was  definitely glad he missed me too somewhat.

So while I forgave him and we kissed and made up..
I re-felt those feelings he always ignited in me…when we made love..
Every touch, even caress ,every thrust I relived it and I didnt have to wish and dream off
Because right now today…it was like yesterday…and as always just before the love soured.

I know I must be happy..
But I can’t stop the nagging..
My heart is all back to being crazy
But my thoughts jumbled up like a frenzy..

I know I know I wanted you back..
I know I know I have no more panic attacks..
But now that we are here…I don’t know if it’s okay..don’t think am on crack
Because so much as happened I don’t know if we are going to be just okay..or we end up right back to when you parked.

I know I love you please don’t doubt..
I don’t know why you went away only to come back again down south
I just want this to be better than before..not to go back and end like a bad drought
Please tell me this is for real..so I know I will not a again lose out..

You don’t know you don’t know how I feel..
All those pains alone it was hard to deal..
So don’t get me wrong if I want to just chill
And make sure this time…you telling me “I love you”…is most definitely real.

Xoxoxoxx

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