JARS OF BROKEN HEARTS (I have loved you..despite!!)

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Xoxoxoxo

I have loved you..
Not from the first day I saw you
Not from the moment you stared down at me towering over me with those darkshades hiding your eyes..
Not even when you spoke to me with that accent.

I have loved you..
Not even when you gave me my first visit..
Not even when we had out first hug or our first kiss.
Not even when I laid in your arms..During our first night together,
Not realizing then you were going to be the most important person in my life..

I have loved you..
When i noticed days felt incomplete without you..
When my nights felt cold without your arms around me..
When my heart caught in my chest when you looked and smiled at me..

I have loved you..
Even not realising it..The actual moment..
Not knowing when it all began..
Not even wanting it to ever end..
Because my world had begun to revolve around you..

I have loved you. .
Every waking and sleeping moments we had shared together and apart..
When your laughter felt like music to my ears..
When your lips was the only one I kissed..
When your touch was the only one I yearned,  craved and desired for on a daily.

I have loved you..
When you danced your funny dances because you never learnt how to make a move..
When you made funny faces and  caught me off guard with kisses to my sensitive thighs..
When you concentrated on those games and you play your usuall “my days  abroad as a chef or another made up character”…it always made me laugh..
When you let out gases and blamed it on innocent foods..

I have loved you ..
Through your good and your worst..
When you were happy and when you were sad..
When you had nothing and I willingly supported you without asking you for anything back..

I have loved you..
Even before when you said you loved me.
When you said I meant so much to you..
When you showed me..that you were the real deal..
Even when I really didnt know you..

I have loved you..
For 365 days times 2 and counting..
Subconsciously,  unconsciously and consciously. .my love for you had been true, selfless and unconditionally. .
When I could close my eyes and draw you in detail…
Seeing beyond your imperfections and still loving the view..
You were my lover, my baby, my love and my man..
You owned my heart, my body and all that I am and had…and I was happy.
But that was only a fairytale that I only dreamed.

I have loved you..
Even when you began to change.
Even when I began to notice your bad sides..
Even when I found every hidden and heartwrenching details you purposely tried to hide from me..
Even when you lied and tried to cover your tracks..

I have loved you..
Despite every hurts and pains I began to feel..
Despite your inability to curb your actions..
Despite my tears and heart torment..
Despite knowing how I felt but you hurt me anyways..

I have loved you..
Deciding to stay and forgive every “Am sorry”
Despite you going back to do the exact same Damn thing you just apologised for..
Despite the fact I knew you were lying..
Despite it all..

I have loved you..
When you said she meant nothing to you.
Even when you said every call, and messages and love chats back and forth was nothing more than mere words..
When every picture of her was on your display and profile and mine was deleted at every opportunity. .

I have loved you..
Even when you gave an excuse why we can’t be seen together..
Why you can’t stand on the hill and profess to me..
Why you can’t show me to the world..
Even when you never introduced me to your friends or family..
Even when you only said you loved me was when you want me to lie in your arms so you can taste of the essence of me..

I have loved you..
No matter the hurts and pains I had to go through..
Through The tears I had to shed..
Through the doubts you made me have..
Through all your misleadings. .

I have loved you..
When you toss me aside ..came back crawling and begging and I took you back..
Even when i was told to read the writings on the wall..
“You were a player they said.”
and ofcos I never believed..not someone who says he loves me..and so,
I choose to follow my heart and staying.
Once was a mistake..twice was planned and the third time wasn’t a charm..
No matter how much I hated you for what you did to me constantly, every tears I sheded because of you, when pain I had to breath through..I still yearned for you even more..my love for you didnt diminish..I could never love you less..

I have loved you..
Even as i was torn and broken down by you on a daily.
Ignored..unloved..undesired and never cherished as I would want.
Even despite giving you a 100% of myself..without you even trying to give a 0.1% of you..I was still insanely inlove with you..
Even when you became mean and like a stranger to me..
even when you flaunted her right infront of me..knowing it was killing Me and you never apologised for your actions..

I loved you.
Even when every lie you told…I saw the truth..
Every message deleted and tracks covered I followed the crumbs to the truth ..
Even when you knew I knew..and you begged and I forgave..I never loved you less ..I only hurt..
Even when I wanted out..you never let me go..never wanted me to go..saying you couldnt be without me..I should forgive your wrongs and stay..This time it would be better…I wish I hadn’t listened.

I have loved you…
Even despite it all..
I stayed for this long..
Hoping just hoping..maybe he does love me some way..but oh what a fool I was..
He never really did care about me..

But I loved him still..
Forgiving him again..for another sin done to me..
But after taking his fill..He left me to me grieve..
Not caring how the Fxxk I feel..

But I loved him still..
Holding on to a little fragments of hope..
May this time ..his “I love you”, “I miss you” and “I am sorry”.. is for real..
So that for once ..I would be content that the one whom I love trully does me too..

But I loved him still..
When  he went back to hurting me again..
Ignoring and throwing me aside at will..
I even held on..through my tears and was having a thread of hope..just maybe just maybe. .my lover will come for me..
But at midnight. .00:49 to be precise..
He had her again on display. .proving to me what I have always felt and known to be true despite he always denied..
That my love was in vain..
His heart was never mine..but I was just another pawn in his games..
And I broke down and cried..
Because despite it all..
I have loved him still even untill today..

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11 thoughts on “JARS OF BROKEN HEARTS (I have loved you..despite!!)

    • You are most welcome. Your blog is really insightful. Thank you for stopping by I really do appreciate. Please do come by every now and then. And thanks for appreciating my writing. It means alot. Cheers!!

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