A walk in the Rain!!

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Xoxoxoxox..

I had always felt drawn to the water that seems to drop out of the heavens..
It’s a mystery as well as a time to hide my own misery.

Ever since I was a child..
When the whole world feels as though it’s one giant sack and I was a niddle lost in.
When it felt as though no one sees me and I don’t exist..
When the love I desired from my father was never given..and my mother  smoothers me so I don’t all but hate him..
Just then..out of cue..The heavens would pour. .
And like someone tuned..I would run outside and let it drench me..
No one trully understood why..and I could never explain it too.

When other kids had a toy or two..
My father never gave a hoot..
My  mother would give up a thing or two..just so I could have a something to play along too.
I never did really hate him..
I just wanted him to love me..
I wanted him to be a man and carter for his family..
Not give my mother a black eye and bruised lips because he can..
And because i was so little..there was nothing much i could do..Other than get beat around and locked up in a room when I tried to defend my mother..
And just on cue..The heavens would open and pour out its contents..
And again just as though I was in tune..
I would run outside and let it drench me..staring up into the heavens not blinking..
No one really understood why..and I never cared to explain..why I was so drawn to the water that fell out of the heavens..

When I grew older…abit close to his shoulders..
I would look him in the eyes..
I didnt care much for him at all..
Those days I needed his love and attention where long gone..
I devoted my time for my mother..
And came home right from school so I could help ma work her 4 jobs ..while he sat at home…feeding off us…squandering our little funds for booze, women and games..everything went down the drain..and he took it out on ma..
I hated it…but how do you disrespect your father when society warns you against it..when your mother would be pained if you lay a finger on the man who fathered you..she was strict on that. .But about her I always screamed..why did she have to hurt and I have to do nothing..why does he have to hurt you..she never did know…but she hoped one day he would change..
So I rather go into my room..punched the wall until I felt numb..just because he threw her across the room and walked right ontop of her..
Ma held me down ..Forcing me not to react..making me promise not to act..
I could take him..maybe not totally but give him a run for his money..but ma woundnt let me..
So while I watched her bleed..and he dragged her again kicking her and hitting her with her heels..
Just on cue..The rain began to pour..
And as I was always drawn..I walked outside..and stood under the downpour..my eyes raised to the skies..
Standing transfixed like a statue..
No one really understood why I always did that..and I could never really explain because I rather not ..The rain and me understood and that was enough for me..

And so as it continued to happen..
My hate for him grew..
My anger intensified .
Also did the bruises and cuts on my Ma’s delicate face..
Everytime I got home from college..
She either limped or was bed ridden for a couple of days..
I had begun to safe some money..
Enough for ma and me to get a new place..
Far away from him..
Close enough to me..
Where I could take her and watch over her..love her and provide for her..
Today I had gone to pay for the place..And rushing home as excited as a puppy..
But was I too late?
Indeed I was..
I saw the blue and red dancing lights ..I heard the siren like a bad serenade ..
I saw the crowd..and my heart caught in my chest..

There in the living room..my Ma laid..lifeless and empty.
Skull bashed in with a hammer..
Tied to stop her from moving..
Gagged to stop her from screaming..
And the devil incarnate couldnt stop laughing. .
She wouldn’t stop talking he said..
She wouldn’t stop talking and saying she was going to leave with that bastard of a son..I had to shut her up..

My visions blurred..
Bile rose in my.throat..
My insides felt churned..
My head became heavy and at the same time blood drained from my face and I didnt realise when i hit the ground..
Words failed me..cradling my Ma’s lifeless body to myself..
I couldnt speak..i kept rocking and rocking her…willing her to stand up..We were going to leave and be happy..but she didn’t get up..
She never got up..

I ran towards him..bloodthirsty than I have ever been..I would ruin him the way he ruined her..I kept punching and punching..and punching..I heard a few cracks..was it from my knuckles or from his head..I didnt care to stop to check..

Untill I felt strong arms pulling me away. .
Taking me away from the wimpering and bloodied facedman..was he still breathing. ..I wasnt sure..it would be better if he wasn’t because I would come back for more..wether in this life of the next I promised…for the poor woman he ended..I would be his worst nightmare. .

He would get what he deserved they promised..
Oh dear look at your hands they worried..
You should see the other dude’s face they chanted..
And just on cue..The heavens opened. .spewing out its contents..
I ran outside..they must have thought I was raging mad..
I needed my safe escape..
As I stood in the center of the road..and as the rain poured..
I let the tears flow…
I wrecked my shirts and fell to my knees..burying my head in my hands..
And I cried and I cried ..until I had nothing left..
My beautiful mother..gone too soon by the man she once loved and in a place she once called home..
People must have wondered why i did that. .But today they understood what I could never say..

I was a boy..turned man..
It was a sign of weakness when a boy cried..
He was never to be emotional..
And so everytime I couldnt help the hurts and pain..
It’s as though the heavens too felt my pain..
It opens up the heavens and sends down its rain..
Knowing that i needed to free my heartwrenching pains..
And so everytime I would hide in the rain and let my tears run freely without strain..and I would feel the hug of the rain as though someone says..cry on my shoulders…just let it rain.and I do just that..letting it go..like a terrain
Because no one could really tell..what my eyes were doing while I walked daily in the rain.

PS: Stop the Violence Abuse of women.!!
They are meant to be loved not used.
Cared for not occassionaly abused..
It doesn’t matter. .emotional, physical and psychological Abuse are thesame thing.
It just has different effects but same results.
But the worst evil..is when you raise your hand on her..

“A woman is all flesh..not just skin and bones.
A woman is beautiful..inside and out..
A woman is the begining and end of all generations..because out of her bore the you and I and without her..nothing is really defined.
Do not hurt a flower..because she is like a rose..
Do not damage her..because she is as fragile as a egg..
Love her..because that’s all that she desires..
And when she loves you back…you become the only one she desires..”….

Quote by Me.
#Sweetness

Stop the violence against women..
For they are our mothers..sisters..daughters. ..they are also one of us..it doesn’t matter what gender they are…
“Love not violence! !

Xoxo.

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