Xoxoxoxox. .

I remember her…Vividly now..
She used to pull my hair
..just to get me to stare..
Whenever I got distracted somewhere other things other than her to even bother to  care..

She was a year younger.. I realised now..
She used to follow me up the stairs..
Just to catch me unawares 
Whenever I tried to go away from her..right there
She would cry …and pull at her ears so so I could regret and keep her with me here..

Over the years…I could tell now..
She was as shy as a dove..
but she was like my shadow…at every streets and sometimes up the penthouse above..
I never bothered to acknowledge me I felt she was to my flesh a thorn..
And I was a boy…Being rude to a girl was all but scorned.

she was  always nice to me…I remember it all too well now..
All my friends thought she was silly Following a guy around who didnt give a shit and was very unfeeling
I laughed and jeered at her too…ah mean…didnt she have anything better to do..Other than mope at me all day…
Writing me letters all year round. .to me I thought it was downright cheesy

And so I did everything a boy would do..I regret it now..
Not just me…all my friends and all who dared and i gave them permission to…
She cried alot..felt embarrassed when we made her the laughing stock of the school room
Running out the class…falling on our spiteful traps….and we felt all too swell because it was fun too.

After awhile…I must have felt the silence ..I realised now
How long as it been. ..since I heard her last laugh..
She used to sit at every corner she knew I would be there…
She used to be the one when am alone and distressed..all my friends gone but she always seemed to care..

It’s so quiet..I could hardly bare it now..
She knew me as a kid..
Saw me when I was down and sad..and cried on my knees..
She was there for me..even when my dad left ma and me to fend for our needs..
And never wanted to be with  me..just because of my looks and my financial heels.

She was quiet and shy…I could almost see it now..
Walking behind me because I was always ashamed to be friends with her publicly..
When not so long ago…she cradled me in her arms and let me cry and sleep in her lap when life took a drastic turn on me so suddenly. .

Her seat was empty..I could see it as clearly as I can the day now..
Not a word..not a goodbye..just an empty space where she once occupied..
I walked up..looking behind every now and then..praying to see her ..pop out strolling as quietly as she always did .
I ran up the stairs. .hoping that I would bump up to her on my way down just as we always did..
I waited by my window..hoping to see her sitting by hers …waiting to see her wave and smile and tell me goodnight. .just like every night she always did…

I felt alone…so alone…I could feel it now..
Her laughter..her smile..her presence..The way she looked up at me..and smiled…I knew she loved me…but I didn’t want anyone to see..
She was a friend to me…but I became nothing to her..I couldnt just let it to be..
But all I feel right now is just empty inside .like a hollow space in my heart…and all am left is with her silence..and letters of love she poured out to me…that I didn’t bother to truly read..

Now she is gone….I know that now..
My kept me quiet for too long…I can see that scar..
I miss her….I want her…my gosh I really love her…but where is she now?
She upped and left…because I never saw her…and she didn’t even bother to say a goodbye now…but then again…I probably woundnt have cared much then…stupid me…what am I to do now?

It’s been years now….I still think about her…even till now..
What she is doing..If she is okay..did she fall inlove with another and moved on somehow..?
I know if she did…I should be happy for her now…but I would be happier if she was right here…back to that corner..but this time..I would hold her hand…and wisper “I love you too”…forever

And so…I play this song…over and over again…I do realise now..
That maybe someday….you would walk back through that door…and I would never have to lose you ever again..
Because to me…to me…
You are the best thing I never had…

*The music continue to play at the background…while the tears flowed down like a terrain…blinding his visions*

…..Music credit  : OSCAR ISAAC
         Song : Never Had!!

[Verse One]
I’ve been gone for.. so long now
Chasing everything that’s new..
I’ve forgotten how I got here
I’ve not forgotten you..
We were just children, with our eyes opened, and
You were all that I could see
You came close enough to know my heart-beat, but
Still not close enough for me..

Through the good times and the bad
You were the best I never had
The only chance I wish I had to take
There was no writing on the wall
No warning signs to follow
I know now, and I just can’t forget
You’re the best I never had..


[Verse two]
In this motel
Well pass midnight
When I’m bluer than a bruise..
You come drifting in, through the half-light
In your funny yellow shoes..
I hope that’s you standing, at my doorway;
That’s the scratching of your key
And I hope this song I’m singing
Someday finds you
My letter to Elise..

Through the good times and the bad
You were the best I never had
The only chance I wish I had to take..
There was no writing on the wall
No warning signs to follow
I know now and I just can’t forget
You’re the best I never had

Best I never had
Best I never had..Mmmm



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