DOES IT MAKE IT OKAY JUST BECAUSE…

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Xoxoxoxox

He was my best friend..
For close to 7 years and counting..
We danced together..
We laughed together..
We ate together
We went to places together..

He knew all of my secrets..
He even told me some of his..
I was like white and black when he was like Inbetween colours…
But we were friends and that’s all that mattered..

But still..
Still..
He harboured something in his heart that he didn’t reveal
His love for me went beyond friendship
His “I love you”…was more than just words. .
And not words that gave me butterflies in my tummy..
Maybe it was because my love for him was more of friendship…a brother..all there is to it.

I never really saw the jealously in his eyes when I met my first boyfriend.
I didnt really think too much about it when he hated guys being around me..
I thought he was was being protective..
As a friend would be towards his friend..
As a brother would be towards his sister..

When he punched the guy that stole my first kiss…
I didnt even hate him..
We laughed about it afterwards ..when he apologised to him and then to me..
He said he thought he was harassing me..
Ridiculous right?

We would sit on the roof and look up to the skies.
Talk about dreams and aspirations..The future..
I wanted to be a doctor..
And he wanted to be a scientist. .inventing things and all that..
See he was some kind of genius. .
Plus. .
He was the most loving and kind person I have ever met….and I made sure he knew that.

One time while we were together …as always…
he went in for a kiss..
I had had a bad day…
And he was comforting me..
He had raised my head up to clean my eyes telling me it was gonna be okay.
I felt better and appreciated him for being there.
When he kissed my forehead…I had just smiled and told him he likes to smother me…like a big brother.
He had smiled too.
And then he leaned in for a full mouth kiss.
Shocked…
I pulled away…
No we mustn’t I said.
Why not he asked.
Because dear friend…you are my friend and I love you only as a friend ..who i see as my brother but I have no other feelings and am sorry if I gave you the wrong idea..
I knew he was hurt..
But God forbid I lie..
Lie to sooth his pain..
Lie to make it okay..
Lie to give him hopes when he didn’t have a chance..
Lie to him..
Lie to myself..
I knew how being lied to felt.
I understood lies…
And lies can ruin you..
And I didn’t want that for him..
And most especially to ruin our friendship. .

He had said ok.
He was sorry..
But he lied.
I must have figured that much..
But how was I to think it was more than that..

And so as the months and years went by.
We were as best as best friends could be..
Graduates in our own fields..
Lived our lives as much as we could be..
Happy as birds..about to explore the world and see what else it’s out there..
I had one more thing to be joyous about..

The love of my life had asked me to be his forever..
Overjoyed and happy..
Family and friends all cheery..
My best friend I did tell..and oh how wonderful he told me..

My wedding eve..
After the Dinner..
After everyone had said their goodbyes ..
He had come back saying he forgot his wallet..
And ofcos I let him in…
He was my best friend you see…
My family to if you ask me..
So How would I to know that he was gonna to be my worst nightmare
At my wedding eve…
Just a few hours before I said “I Do!”
To the man who stole my heart…

And while I waited..
Downstairs..
He had walked up from behind me..
And the next thing I knew…
Blackout!!!

To be continued. …

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8 thoughts on “DOES IT MAKE IT OKAY JUST BECAUSE…

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