DOES IT MAKE IT OKAY JUST BECAUSE. …CONTINUED! !

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Xoxoxoxox

I had woken รนp to the splashes of water to my face. .

He sat across from me..
I was laid on the bed..
My hands and legs were tied…

Fear gripped me
“What are you doing”.?
“What is this?
“Please please release me I beg you..
This is not you?…I pleaded

But my words fell on deaf ears..
He sat staring at me unmoving..
He had the scariest smile ever..
He watched me with slit eyes..

“Oh beautiful beautiful one..
Did you think I lied when I said I loved you?”
“Did you think I wanted to love you alone as a friend would “..He said..

“Please dear friend…free me off this shackles..
Let me go and I promise I won’t breath another word of this “..
“Please”.  I pleaded a thousand times with tears running down my chicks soaking my cloths. .
Smearing my makeup.

He looked like a stranger to me.
One I have never met in my entire life..
Where had he come from..
Why did he look sinister and like an animal waiting to devour me..

What happened to the sweet boy I grew up with ?
What happened to my best friend..
What happened to the man he had grown into…
Whoever he was…he wasn’t this..
I tried to console myself..

“You wouldn’t hurt me??”
“This is just a joke and you would let me go??
“Am getting married in a few hours..
Please please let me go..
You are scaring me?”..

He got up from the chair he occupied…and walked to the bed..

“Speak not another word pretty one..”
Then he told me..
He told me..
He told me..

He told me he had been inlove with me from the begining
From the moment he first laid eyes on me..
From the moment we had shared our first words..
And had our first fights 
From all those years ago we spent as best friends..
He had wanted to be his forever. .

But I had not loved him back.
I had kept him at arms length and made a friend out of him when all he needed was a lover..
I had told him nothing would happened between us..
When he wanted everything to happen..
I had loved as a friend..
A brother…
A family..
And he had wanted to love me as a woman..

For every boy that came into my life..
For every kiss i shared
For every one i had loved..
He had inwardly cringed..
He had hated and wanted to kill…
To crush their head with his feet and reap their tongue out.

He had acted like the good guy to make me notice him
Make me fall inlove with him
To make me forget every man
But no…

He paced the length of my room..
Holding a knife he had gotten from my kitchen ..
And his eyes were red..
And his voice grew into a wisper
And continued talking. ..
He said 

He followed me everywhere
He hung at my every word
he would like do everything for me..
But I didn’t want him
And that killed him ten times over..

He didnt care about our friendship
It was just a cover to get close to me
He wanted me so bad..
And he had discipline himself to wait..
But what does he get?
Nothing!!!

All these years..
All this while..
I couldnt give him my heart
He watched as I fell in and out of love
He watched as i cried over a broken heart..
He hated all of that..
But he was glad…
That they all left me..
Hoping that I would eventually look at him..
But no…
I went on to the other…

He waited still.
Now..
Now…
I am to be gone out of his life forever
To be married and taken away..
He couldnt let it happen..
He wouldn’t. .

He came close to the bed and sat down..
He continued 

My beautiful one..
How can you not love me?
I would give you the world. .
I would make the earth stand still…
How do you think I would let you go away from me..

So I made up my mind.
To make you see what you have refused to see
To make you love me
To make you stay with me..
To make you remember me forever

I thought you would be happy
For making you see
But yet you rather scream and plead ..
You want to go away from me don’t you??

If I can’t have you to myself
No one else would. .

My eyes had become puffed from crying..
My voice hoarse from pleading..
My wrist bruised from trying to pull my hands free..

God please someone help me??
I willed any help to come to my rescue

You see my pretty…
My love for you is extreme. .
And if I don’t have you..
No one else would..

I watched with wide eyes as he undressed himself. .
And he climbed bed..

I began to struggle and scream for help..

No one can hear you he sneered
No one will come to your aid he said
I have taken precaution
Scream all you want
Plead all you want..
I will have my way with you as much as I want..
And no one else will ever have you again..

No matter how much I screamed and pleaded..
He his ears wouldn’t listen
His hearts was hardened…

He raised up my dress and tore my panties with the knife he held..

How beautiful you look..
He unbuttoned my top and cut my bra
Freeing my breast from its hold .

Oh how beautiful you look..
Then he became angry. ..
You allow all those men love you and touch you.
Yet you never gave me a chance. ..
Now no one will ever touch you again..
Not after I let you feel how fiercely my love for you us..
You will never forget me..

He forced my legs open as I struggled to keep them close. .
He forced his lips on mine and hit me when I bite him
He grabbed at my breast and suckled on them..
I wanted to die
He plunged himself deep within me even as I struggled and screamed..

Stop stop
Please stop you are hurting me
But that only excited him more..

For every thrust
For every forced kissed..
For every hit..
I cried out and never stopped pleading..

And he didn’t stop.
Not even when my tears began to sting..
Not even when my wrist had begun to bleed…
Not even when I began to feel sore and felt the bed feel damp
Not even when I stopped fighting and settled for my fate..

He raped me  over and over and over again.
It was the worst ordeal of my life .

And when he was done..
He cleaned himself and dressed up..
He kissed me one last time and slapped my face..
He smiled down at me

You should have accepted me
You should have loved me
Now see what you made me do..

Now. .
I release you.
You can love whoever you want
Be with whoever you want.
I have no more feelings for you..

He laughed at me
I stared blackly into space. ..

He kept laughing..
Who am I kidding he was saying. .
I know you can never love me after this..
I know you would tell the world about this..
And I know I never want anyone to have you unless me..

He brought out the knife and showed it to me…
Oh my beautiful one. ..
You should have loved me..

I gave up fighting him
I resigned myself to my fate
No one was coming for me
No one was coming to save me..

This was my end..
I looked away from him..

Does it make it okay just because he was my friend.
Does it make it right just because he felt something for me and I didn’t feel a thing for him
Does it justify his reason because I loved another and never loved him..
Does it make it okay to rape me because I wouldn’t ever want him the way he wanted me..

Everyone is allowed to love who they love..
Should I have accepted him because he wanted  ..
Was my crime not loving him..

Sometimes those  who hurt us aren’t strangers we are scared of
They aren’t people who lurk by the corners and follow us home
They aren’t the peeping toms that watch us while we sleep or take a shower…

Those who hurt you are those who are near to you
Your family
Your friends
Those who you spend time with
Go to dinner with
Those you walk with
And those you run to for help

What has this world turned into..
You have to be scared of the stranger that wants to kill you
You get home and be scared of the one who has sworn to protect you..

What was my crime. ..?
Because I didn’t love him the way he wanted. .
But does it make it okay just because….??

The tears trekked down my face..
When he brought the knife to my face.
And pressed it to my neck..

I welcomed the death..

Xoxoxoxoxo

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