HERE….OR….THERE? I Wish it was known!!

I had often been told..
Yet i had often ignored as well.
Was i wrong?
Thought not..but why does it all feel alien to me..gosh i know not!

‘ doesnt hurt’..i wisper..but within the aching pain screams to be heard..
Somewhere  here
..*touching the spot where  my heart is…
Where it hurts the most*
..somewhere here.

I Cant explain it’!
What does that even mean? I asked myself.
“I dont understnd it’
….in my confusion i shake my head.

There is a thin line between reality in a mirage;
What is and what is not…
but was i to be  blamed for that?

The way it all played out… baffles me up to this very moment.
Was being me that bad?
Was being honest and true  to self and to others so wrong?
Was going on a friendly terrain a wrong move? wasnt as if i didnt see the  stated obvious from a mile away..
i didnt have to put on some smart glasses to see streakz of went rainbow on me.

I thought I could  deal fair and  square…
No one gets hurt.
Play nice.
Be nice.
Dont get aggressive.
Be polite.
Put things down nicely..
No one gets hurt..
No bruised ego..
No harm done..
Or so I thought.

But thats  one fire i shouldnt have played with.
Despite my naiveness in all this.
Despite that it wasnt on purpose…or some interior motive in my entire being..
it was seen the way it wanted to be seen,
No matter how hard and tirelessly i tried  to dispute the fact..
And as such as made an artist out of mi.

It was unbeliveable!
Who would have thought.
Didnt think i would have  such vibes..and the words that was said about me..
Though  unfactual
Though pure lies..
Though wrong and full of malice.
Of gossips and spite..
Where  like arrows shot to an open wound..
It felt like a dagger that twisted itself within continously in my chest..
Causing me to suffocate..taking with it..a lil more than  i could  give.

Misty it was..for a long tym..
It was foggy. it was blurry.
My life seemed to shatter into a million pieces..
My reputation crumbled.
My friends left me..
Those who caused me this harm gloated and made more choas to go with my already messed up situation.

How do you clear up a mess you.didnt cause..
How do you come out pf something that was never your doing..
How do you claim innocence when all believed you were the culprit ..
How do you say its a lie when you were playing nice and didnt qanr to be rude but everyone believed that you knew..
How do you come off all that..
How do you keep talking when you all but painted black..
It didn’t make sense..
It didn’t at all..

I felt chocked..
I felt there wasnt any need to keep at it..
Proving yourself when no one wanted to listen..I needed to breath..needed to breath!

And so in the dark..gropping for some support..
i tried to find my way;
shedding all away as i moved along the way..
Because i began to see what what i didnt..i began to think in a general context..wondering if all sees as one.
Oh how  horrible the feeling announced itself!!!
I felt alone.
No one but myself to hold on to

Nite crept..sleep played around the corners of my eyes..
And when you believe all hope is lost.
A tiny ray if hope begins to sip its way through
It might not be much..
But it was way better than naught there were wordz of true worth
An encouragement that there might be light at the end of the tunnel..
It didn’t matter what I was going through. .
It didn’t matter no one cared or bothered to listen..
It didn’t matter my predicament..
All that matter if I can get up..
Dusted myself and live for myself..
For tomorrow. .
It didn’t matter that all the people I thought should be there for me left me to hang
It didn’t matter who I trusted on failed me..
None of that matter..
And I didn’t need to keep trying to prove myself to people whose ears were already closed right shut..
Whose mind were already corrupted from the start..
Who only chose to believe in the wrong of me instead of the right..
I had to stop pleading for them to see..
I had to start doing me..
Being me..
And I don’t have to apologise for being true and honest..

People would continue to be who there are and say what they want..
You can’t change that..
But you can change how you continue to react to it..
Don’t apologise for being right..
As long as you are right..
Whoever don’t like it…
Or like you can take the bus and disappear into oblivion and out of your life ..
You don’t need to beg them to stay
You don’t need them or their negativity
You can do good all by yourself .

And I thus managed a smile..
For that silent ray of hope and encouragment from someone i never thought care a wingle.
And that i was most and am thankful for
it gave me something to believe in.

“”Morning..oh lazy morning! Where  as thou being when the sun went down?
..i almost prayed for you.
But the freshness that kissed my chicks chased away all the blue.
Pray i..
I have ..for all that i need to make it through..
Because it’s  gonna be a bumpy ride ahead..i dont even  know how am gonna aim that true.

But one thing is certain..”everthing is not what it seems’.
The  earlier one knows that the better..and get down from that high trojan horse and dont loose some importance in life.

Now i see clearly now…never again allow the pull.
And am so greatful ..for all that quaked new..
To have a chance at life again..
And forget the one and bask in the new..
Be weary of flasehood and bad company. .
Trust your instinct. .
Listen to that still voice..Aways walk on the right part and never forget to do you.



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