I had woken up exactly at about 11:55 for the past couple of days..
No matter how tired or stressed out I was at work..
It didn’t matter..
When it’s five minutes to midnight …my eyes would shoot open..
I would be as wide – eyed as a bat..
Turning to the side..
I notice he is deep in sleep..
I would get up from the bed and I walk to my four year old daughter’s room
It had become a habit of mine to check in on her whenever I wake..
Just to make sure..
But to make sure what..
I never did quite get past that..
Slowly entering into the living room..everything is quiet and still. .
As it should be..
No life about..
Just the ticking of the grandfather’s clock across the room..
It was one of the things Abel didnt want to let go off..
Off all the old things we had to give out or put in the garage to be sold or thrown away..
He said he had become abit attached to it..
It’s four minutes to midnight. .
I don’t even know why am awake..
I do have a nagging feeling
Some sort of uneasiness about me..
The hairs at the back of my head pricks up
I feel a sudden chill
As though someone had just opened the window and let the cold air in
I absentmindedly rub my shoulders for warmth..
I hear the tick tick tick sound of dropping water in my sink..
I head to the kitchen to find out the faucet has been replaced by Abel…
But yet the water had continued to drop unabated. .
I tightened it more and left..
I nearly toppled over something soft …
I bent to check..
Seeing what it was I sighed and picked it up..
I always did tell Samantha to never leave her dolls on the ground..
Straightening up..it was as if I felt someone toweling over me..
I looked around ..
Did I just see a shadow?
It’s almost midnight and am here ..
In the middle of my livingroom imagining things
1 minute to midnight..
I knew that clock would sing anytime soon..
I hated the sound. ..
I made a mental note to mash it when Abel goes out of town next week and blame it on the old house…
It needs some repairing ..
And things had been falling off their shelves lately when the train goes by..
I hated the house..
It was big and too much space and hidden corners
I hated Samantha playing in the atic
I hated that sometimes I felt so alone when Abel goes to work and Sammy to school and when I was back home from teaching …which usually had me home hours before they got back..
Why was I standing here..
I wondered. .
Why did I wake up..
Exactly thesame time..
Every single day..
Since we moved in..
It’s been like a week now .
I had chosen the nice cosy apartment on fords street..
With the little garden behind and a small yellow gate infront..
Closer to the town..
Abel had wanted a little peace and quiet..
And I wondered how the train giving us the quakey feeling be anything like quiet
He wanted a big house..
With an atic
A porch and grand piano and everything. .
And the only one that fitted that description was the white old house down on baker’s avenue
That needed major fixing..
And Abel wasted no time in settling the bills and moving us right in without further ado..
But I couldn’t help but feel strangely unsettling ..
Maybe because it was old and smelled of stale old walls
When the clock chimed midnight..
I had to close my ears for a full one minute to help dull away the penetrating sound. ..
I closed my eyes too..
Usually I was back in bed when it went off..
And why I was the only one bothered about it eludes me
It was so loud it should wake up everyone from a mile away..
But I knew no one else was bothered..
I slowly let my hand fall to my side
I walked back to my room
Abel was still sound asleep
As usual I placed a kiss on his forehead..
And laid down beside him..
Wrapping my arms around him and nuzzled him behind his neck..
I hear a moan escape from his lips..
I love my husband
I love my daughter.
And we would all be here together
And as usual..
Abel got out of bed..
I felt lazy to get up so I murmured a goodmorning..
A few minutes later..
I hear him call out breakfast is ready..
He always was a loving and caring husband..
I go to the bathroom.
I needed to wash my face and brush my teeth
Always be an example for the children..
I hated looking at the mirror..
So I closed it with the white towel hanging from the door..
I walk into Sammy ‘ s room..
My beautiful Sammy. .
She had my hair and my eyes.
But got her father’s sweet smile and facial expression..
She picked up her doll and left her room
She was such a big girl I didnt have to tell her what to do..
I check the bathroom and noticed she had brushed her teeth as well..
Yes she did pay attention to what mummy says..
I follow her out of the room..
Slightly touching her hair..
Abel smiled watching us come to the table..
Did you sleep well baby?
Yes baby I did…
And so did Sammy. .
See how well rested she looks..
I bend to look at her ..
She smiled at me..nodding
I kissed the space between her eyes ..
I made you your favourite breakfast..
So we can get you ready for school..
I noticed Abel hadn’t brought out Sammy ‘ s favourite juice cup from the cupboard .
He knew she wouldn’t drink orange juice from another cup and I didn’t want her throwing tantrums on a school day..
I will get it I said..
Abel turns sharply when he heard the cup hit the ground..
Damn those trains he said..
He picks the cup and rinses it .
Pouring orange juice for Sammy to drink. .
Kissing her forehead and joins her to eat..
I watched my family and felt such overpowering love for them..
I didnt even feel hungry no more
Sammy always loved her father to get her ready for school since we moved here..
I didnt complain
Bonding between father and child was encouraged
But she told me she didn’t love me less
I believe her
I noticed Abel had placed her school cloths on the bed..
I lay beside it and smoothen the folds with my hands..
While she sat alone while Abel went to get her school bag packed with lunch. .
I helped my baby with her uniform
Brushing my hands through her soft silky long hair..
She always did had a finer texture of hair
I told her I would be back .
Needed to check on daddy to make sure he didn’t forget anything…
He had as usual had her bag arranged..
Forgetting her hanker chief
Sammy always had Mr sniffles when the weather got dusty…
I got one from the laundry basket..
Placing it at the side of her bag..
So she could see it whenever she needed it ..
I went to the room
Abel had just come out of the shower ..
I could feel the steam from the closing door
I smiled coming behind him.
Touching his skin ever so slightly ..
He has such beautiful eyes..
Catching me off guard with those sea blue
Drawing and soaking me in
I was lost from the very first day I saw him
And I knew being with him forever and bearing his kids was what I would ever live for…
I wrapped my arms around him
I noticed him tense just a little..
Rasing up his shoulders. .
I felt that cold chill too I said
I release him and notice him relax..
I hear my daughter call out to me..
I run to her..
What’s it baby..
I bend down infront of her searching her eyes..
Abel came in bending beside me. .
It’s okay baby..
Come..give daddy a hug okay
Come let’s go..
Daddy is gonna drop you in school..
He hugs her lifting her from the ground
Such love for his daughter. I couldnt dare interrupt
I needed to get ready for work to
But first I love to walk my family to the door..
And wave them goodbye. .
I always felt a pang of sadness
Seeing them to the door
I never quite understood why
I knew that they were coming back
They always did
But why did I feel completely uneasy
I blew a kiss to Sammy. ..
She was resting her head on her father’s chest..
Sweet sweet Abel had the saddest smile on his face…
He stops looking back at the house for a brief second ..
Am fine.. I said..
I would be here.
Waiting by the time you and Sammy return..
I blew them a kiss one more time..
I really should get ready for work soon..
I back away from the door. .
I needed to prepare for class I said
Teaching was a tedious business
Abel strapped Sammy with the seat belt..
He stares into her eyes..
I know baby
Mummy didnt mean to leave us..
Mummy loves us so much and she was sad..
The bad man took her away from us..
But she is here with us…
He touches her heart with his finger and places hers on his chest..
In our hearts ..
Even watching us from heaven..
I know you miss her
And I miss her so much sometimes I feel as though I can’t breath
And sometimes I feel her and see her in my dreams..
But we would see her again ok sweatpea?
He cleaned the tears slowly trekking down his daughter’s chicks.
He couldnt afford to hide the mist of water that had suddenly filled his sea blue eyes..
Yes baby we Will
But for now..
We gotta be strong
And for her..
Kissing her forehead he smiles down at her ..
We would go say hi to mum okay and get her those flowers
That she loves..
White lily Sammy said excitedly..
White lilies ..
He started the car and drive off..
I walk back to my living room
I noticed the house was full
With little kids and old elderly people
And a bunch of young people..
It was a busy chaotic mess
Stop throwing things off the shelves of the house i screamed at the twins
They always usually caused mischief
Damn those kids..
They would cause the death of me
Time for class ..
I needed to be home for my family when they got back..
I hated being alone at home when they did..
And tammy always keeps playing with the faucet in the kitchen and his twin never let’s Sammy ‘ s doll be..
The new couples who stay in the attic apparently like to mess around with the grandfather clock every now and then. .
Making wispering sounds..
And I wondered why it had to be at exactly 11 : 55 every ..
I sighed. .
I walked past the mirror and noticed the towel had fallen off..
I picked it up replacing it
Without losing a glimpse of myself..
I hated to see how the axe had carved my face into half of what it once was..
And the marks of his hands printed on my skin
Or the open hole in my chest where my heart once was…
I made sure the towel was in place and I walked back to the living room..
I had just a couple of hours before my family would be with me
And I love my family.
And we would be together
Here for ever..
At about 11:55 I woke up..
Close to midnight..
I turn ..
Noticing that he still slept..
I walk to my daughter’s room
To check up on her. ..
It’s being a frequent habit of mine since we moved here………..