The Traffic Palava !!



I was extremely unbearably late and I was practically running after I left the salon. I told sis I was going to be there by one.
You see we planned a family carol just 24hrs earlier..The whole singing dancing and acting …infact the entire shebang ..not forgetting food and I was supposed to help out with the preparation.

And ofcos I wanted to take off the itching hairdo…I needed cold water to run down my scalp and that exhaling breath of “Aahhhh” was long over due ..and by God when I felt the cold hands of water sensually caressing my head.. my eyes closed and I felt the tingling all the way to my toes..

Cold water on your head after may a week or two or probably more of heat…itching and the excessive temptation to just run a saw through your head …you would know that water is bae..

But anyways that wasn’t the reason for the post..
While I ran all the way to my house..visited the porcelain god for a brief tet’a’tat ….I picked up my valuables and ran faster than flash to the junction. ..and waited. .

“Madam you dey go? ….the cab man that pulled over with four passangers asked me?

“Yes please”…I said as climbed  in…sharing the front seat with another passenger

It was a silent ride until we got “almost” half way to our destination.
There was traffic you see…
I checked my time.. It was already past 5.
I was cooking a very good excuse to give to my sis about how and why I was this extremely late when his words broke into my thoughts. .

“E be like una go drop here oh..
Me I no fit waste my time for this traffic because of una..
Make una drop for here, pay me my money then trek dey go…
So I fit turn from here……… “he trailed off

I looked at him and the expression on my face was one off…

“You kidding me right”…?

I mentally calculated the distance from where we were held up to the point we were to be let off..

Another 5-10 minutes or more…
And does he expect to be paid in full…
I hadn’t even finished expressing my thoughts when i heard the shouts and the bombarding of insults from the back seat and the person by my side. .

I didnt realised we were all women safe for the driver …
I already began to feel sorry for the man…
Even i had to dodge some spittle from the endless cuss flowing endlessly from the back seat and my side..

He had four women already sitting on his head…If I opened my mouth to join the charade I doubt if the man would have a peaceful night for the next couple of months. .
No one needs to tell him how hot a women’s fury is when angered or wronged. …even her endless nagging would send any sane man to the roof…

My time was running. . We were stucked in traffic. .The car was a buzz of women cussing and hissing and the driver…the man who should have thought twice before trying to cheat women out of their right. ..and there was me..silently watching and listening…..
No I refused to associate. He had his ears full

“Oga you picked us from our various junction and charged us for a particular Bus stop . dare you want to drop us halfway and have the audacity to ask us for pay in full…
You are mad”

“You think because we are women you can …use your manly powers and cheat us. ..Go and cheat your mother/

“Did you give each of us money to pay. ..Abi is this the change we prayed for…tufuakwa …! ! She spat…
The thunder that will fire you is doing pressup.  

“Oga your head no correct …you go either take us back to where you picked us from and drop us back and go or you take us to our destination and we pay you. You must be thinking with your third leg because me I will not pay you a dime…what arrant nonsense. ..”

The four of them charged him.

It was an endless battle.
Not untill I noticed he didn’t move again while the line had begun to move did I realise he wasn’t joking about stopping here..

“Oya na make una come force me drive.  Una father and mama and una entire generation of witch ….Oya conjor the car make I see..
I no de go again..come down .pay me my money and get out “..He was adamant

Ok it was 6pm.
I was offended
Pissed and had it up to the tip of overflowing. ..

“Oga…really and trully this is wrong”…
I said facing him.
He looked at me and noticed it was the first time I just spoke …then he sighed and ignored me..

The ladies rained more fire and brimstone.  .

“In short. …no need. We dey come down..
Come collect money make we see..
Thunder never fire you die…
Big fool”. 

I shook my head…
They all came down. ..the lady by my side urged me to open the door
I did…coming down. .

They spat at the ground. .Showing him their five fingers in different sizes…and walked away. ..
No one gave him nothing…not even a kobo. ..

I looked at him.
I didnt feel sorry for him
he caused it…
He lost…
And loosing to women…
He really should have taken us to our destination. ..
Now not a dime would brush against the insides of his palm..
I brought out my money. ..Stretching out my hand to give him my share of the fair..then he said..

“Foolish woman…
Gimme my money jor..
Young girls like una wei sabi dey follow man up and down…….

I looked up sharply. ..
The nerve. .
The audacity of him
I….apart from the others…didn’t even insult him
I…apart of the others stayed back so I can pay him..
And i….Alone he suddenly found his voice that he lost with the four trojan Queens and spewed trash to Me…

I again calculated the distance I would be walking to…
The rubbish he was saying to me ignited a fire in me…
And I realised he deserved all that he got and maybe some

I shoved my money in my pocket while he watched my every move
I sighed the longest sigh that turned heads and washed him black and blue…
You see…
If he thought the four women were a big deal. .. He should have let it be
I was the queen of the four trojan Queens. ..
My words . ….intelligently arranged brought tears to his eyes and made his jaw drop…He blinked like a thousand times…
I walked away…with my hand in my pocket as I braved myself for the long walk…
I felt his hard stare on my back despite the recinding hamattan.
But I stopped giving a tiny pile of shit a moment ago. .

Sometimes. .. some people need to be put in their place.
Nonsense!!! I sighed.



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