Screw the New year Resolutions and the whole shebang!!!”
“Am tired of those clichés and what not”…I retorted storming out of the room leaving them dazed after me..
“Whats up her arse?”…I heard Tim ask…to no one in particular. .
“I wish we knew..”…This was tania. .my best friend talking…
Staring after me..
I left them in the living room…going into the kitchen. ..
Pouring myself a glass of orange juice..
I felt someone come up behind me..
“Don’t even say it tania!!”..
‘Hey its me!’…I turn around…and I smile weakly…
“Hey mum…how are you? ?…I said hugging my mother..
She smelled of sunflowers. .
“Are you okay Marybella? ?”.
“You know you can talk to me??”..
“Ofcos I know mum…
I just think it’s really childish and retarded to keep making new year Resolutions that we never keep..
Just for the sake that everyone is doing it..
Join in the chants and the end of the day nothing really trully comes out good “..
I sip my juice staring at nothing in particular..
“Well…alot of people see it as a way to purge themselves from the shaggles of the past and plan to do something positive for the future..
It’s a sort of ritual you know..
“You can’t blame your friends from wanting to share abit of something with you…
You know that right? ?”
I sigh again..
“I know mum…
I just want to go into the new year and don’t live on expectations…it always surely turns to shits. .” I replied …twirling the juice in my glass with my index finger absentmindedly
“Excuse my french ‘..i smile wryly
Mum pulls me back into a warm hug…brushing her lips faintly across my forehead..
“You can do whatever you want to do next year…live how ever you want..
But for God’s sake be happy with your decision …okay?
She ruffled my hair..
“Now go play with your buddies. .
My food ain’t gonna waste just cos you are a brooding kid…
She nudges me gently towards the living room..
“I love you mum…
Always and forever”..
“I love you more…
Always and forever “…
She caught the kiss I blew her…placing it next to her heart..
I walked back into the room..
They all had sullen faces..sulking abit..
“Ok am sorry I was a little ass earlier on”….I sat at the end of the chair…
“A little??”…Tonia asked without looking at me
“A big arse??…I asked unsure…
“Just a big arse??”….Tim pushed..
“A mighty fat silly arse and am sorry for being insensitive and silly…
You are my friends and I know you all mean well….and I hate to pour out my frustration on you guys just because it’s been a lousy year for me..
But you both kept me above water. ..and am grateful for your love and care and I love you guys…really…”….I blinked back a tear…
I love you too Marybella. .”….tania gathers me into a big hug..
“Me too marybear “….Tim covers us in a bigger bear hug…
Let’s do this!”…
Mum leaves the place she stood just a few minutes ago smiling at us..
Carrying a tray of goodies and juice..
Each of us picking up a glass..
While I listened to all of them make their new year resolution…
I waited patiently for my turn
I didn’t know what to say..
Or how to say it..
But I let my heart talk instead and my mouth formed the words..
And my ears listened with rapt attention while all eyes Foisted on me
I clear my throat..
“Ohk..ama go on another angle here so stay with me..
So…as you all know..
I had had a couple of ups and downs this year..
Not entirely awesome..
My job sucked…I had to make changes. .
And am still hopeful something pulls through ..
Love is is a big deal for me..Because over time I had always had to give a 100 percent of myself and I never got back even a nickel so…This time…I would learn to appreciate me more…love myself and wait for the right person..
I don’t believe in fairy tales no one..
I need a man who is ready not one who wants to play jingles…but even if that don’t come..well I would be happy and content to love me…no one can do a better job than you”….they smiled..nodding and encouraging me to continue. .
‘So ..yeah ok..
I have learnt this year that people who you call friends aren’t the ones who attend your every party or event…or call you a thousand time or take pictures with you and tell you how beautiful you look. .
“True friendships is about the ones who stay back to clean up with you while everyone left..
Would give you a shoulder to cry on when your heart was broken…
Who told you the hard truth even when you didn’t want to believe
Who didnt tell you you are beautiful just because you wear pretty cloths and nice hair do…but because your heart and soul was worth more than your physical look..
‘Who was there for you ..
When you were on a low..
Who didnt give up on you when you even gave up on yourself. .
Even when you had nothing. ..your pain and sorrow was theirs to share with..
They say blood is thicker than water…
But some friendships are thicker than blood and you both prove that to me on and daily..and that’s what I look forward to next year. .alot of crazies with you too…’….I wink at them
“And Erm. ..
I will not live my life next year on expectations.
We all are humans and ofcos we also have our problems ..so ama allow everyone do them as I intend to do me as well..
Whatever happens happens. .it is what it is…
But one thing I do know..is
Am going be okay.
I will Try.to be a better me..
More improved version of myself.
“I will refuse to allow the damages and shaggles of this year ruin my next..
I refuse to allow regrets and and mistakes define my next..
“I don’t want to change me
Being anyone is too stressful. .
I have scars but that is what defines me
I shed tears but that only made me to see
I had laughed but that only tells me there is still good in the world
I have loved..and that tells my my heart won’t melt too stone just because. .
“So yes..its been a year filled with the good , the bad and the ironys of life and though it might have sucked or rocked..
Am glad we all are here..
And we survived to tell the story. .
and that’s what am most grateful about..
And For the new year..
All i want is to be unapologetically happy..
And I wish that same happiness to my family and friends and my loved ones..
For the things we didn’t achieve. .We hope the new years be a little givey. .
And for our hopes and dreams yet to be met…
The world is big enough for everyone to shine..so pick your center stage and fly
For the regrets and whatnot..
Hey..since you couldn’t break us..you made up stronger..
and to God…no words to describe how amazingly awesome you are..
And to everyone…
Cheers to the new years!!!*
I said clicking my glass with theirs..
“Cheers to the new year!!”…they replied..
Mum comes and hugs me..
Tania and Tim join in..
Home they say is where the heart is..
What more do you need when your family is all that you need..and that is peace indeed..
It would be a New year in in a couple of hours..let’s make it count..