How could I concentrate when all of her seemed to simmer into my head..
Corrupting my thoughts like a virus..
Polluting my visions..making me have blurry images like I saw everything in doubles..like a mirage …like I was out in a desert without water..completely dyhydrated …seeking a fill..seeking life.. seeking her..that always seemed to be totally out of reach…like she was now..
Though near but far..
Like I could reach her and touch her but she would fade through my hands..like a vapour disappearing into nothingness. .as always. .as always
My heartwenching love for her had crippled my entire being..
Deluded me of everything I once was. .
A shadow of myself. .that patrolled the walls of her confinement.. in my head..undetected. .
That towelled over her..trying to get a whiff of her aura..
To feel the silky mane of her lustrous hair glide gracefully through my fingers just merely once
To taste the sweet honey that always seemed to be her essence when I drink from her lips
To have her soft smooth skin like that of a child’s beneath me..While my hands caress every curve and contour that made her into the beauty that she was just one time
To fill her with all that I am. .slowly as gently as she would have loved ..as she clungs to me..digging her fingers into my shoulder blades..biting her lower lips. .that would be my undoing…eyes sinking back into her head while she moans my name ..dancing the dance of entwined lovers.. taking a certain pace while we glid into a crescendo till we shattered …like a volcanic rupture …higher than the seventh heaven, ripping us of mortal energy ..till we collapse. .like fallen trees ..sprawled over like two unhinged bodies void of life..whereas our hearts which had only before sang a beautiful high pitched serenade with drum effects slowly fades..going back to normal…breathing with ease at the satisfaction we both would have felt being here..being with us..being all that we are..inlove. But all this would only happen in my mind’s – eye.
But slowly ..that love became my madness. .My drug. .My addiction..
My blindness..The only thing that kept me awake in my lonely nights.
Like I was in a darkened alley all by myself and that love seemed to be my entire light. .calling out to me..making me feel like I could walk on water..
Walk through a burning house..
Be untouched by fired bullets..
Sink my hands into boiling water and come out unscathed…
Making me feel like I was untouchable. .by the world’s vices..
Invincible to the turmoil of life’s mishaps..
What love does to me..is something I sure cannot comprehend
My mind goes into epileptic state
My insides dance with steps of all African beats
My heart palpating beneath my chest like the doctor needs to come examine me..
My mouth water like a rising fountain
My knees buckle under me threatening to give away..
My entire being..feels like someone else..
Uncontrollable. .uncertain. ..unpredictable just because her eyes sees through my soul..
Her smile my weakness
Her body my essence..
Her love..my life..
And if she never loves me..
By god I swear I will die..
Love ..my madness
I will sing to myself ..dancing on an inaudible lyrics of a violin
Smile as though the sly cupid had wispered something hilarious into my ears..oblivious of the stares coming my way..
I would glide through the gardens if I were a girl ..as gleeful and happy as a bee..
But I have to act the man..churn down my emotions but all I wanted to do was climb to the highest mountains and let my love roar from the insides ..shattering the peace of the wildings. ..
This madness called love..
Is one cure that I won’t willingly take..
Because in it itself. .is the only reason I remain sane even in my insanity..
In this madness called love..