Too long..

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It took too long..too long..
Draining me ..emptying me..
Of my essence..of the love i thought was bliss…
The love i thought i had it all in one piece..
The love that held me..broke me..made me..molded me..and then let me drop to the hard surface..and  shatter into a thousand unpuzzled pieces…
That same love i held on to…
Time and time again..
Because my heart couldnt possibly seperate what i knew..what i felt..who i loved..but who left me instead..

It took too long…to understand even when the writings were explicitly  dancing on the walls…
To turn a blind eye even when everyone said..”get up and run…this wont end well hon”..
I listened to my heart…
I shoved away my thinking… packed it all up..and locked it in a chest and threw away the key…
I shouldnt have done that..
My heart should have loved…but my head should have thought..then the lope holes would have been seen..And all that has been lost and gone..wouldn’t have hurt so much ..
But then..
All that mattered were my heart…I
Refused to see what love had made me become..

It’s been too long..too long..
Letting the hands of the past. .clawing it’s way back in. .
Pulling at the sleeves of my heart …begging to be let in…again..pleading remorse..pleading redemption. .pleading to do all that it right..for every wrong done..
But everytime I let my guard down..
Hoping this time..It won’t be like the past. .
After a love nest..and stories of happiness..morning came and it ends up ..like a dejavu …pieces fixing back together…Exactly like the last..Exactly like the last…it was a game. .
A game of lust..Once filled…Once satisfied. .The love disappears as soon as it comes..
His back I see backing out the door..
And my heart again…soaking the floor with its blood…and my eyes fills. .soaking my bed …
I shouldnt have let it…but what is one to do  when you are powerless to love?

It’s been too long..too long…
I hoped that things would Change. .but it took a long time coming..that that ship ain’t going to sail. . And I had to understand that
People just never change…
But people eventually grow stronger..
More determined…and put the past away..forget the love that hurts and move on to the  next best…and decide that moving on is what’s best for you…
Not because you didn’t love..but because one’s heart wasn’t capable of loving you back..
So you let go…closing the page of the past. ..all your tears and dispair. .you left it on the stairs of yesterday…
And when the past comes calling again..As it normally does…you don’t answer…This time..you were done giving it chances…This time..It was time to move on and see what’s out there..maybe time will heal..and a new love will bloom…but that was going to happen when you shut the door to the past and don’t let it through…

It’s been too long..too long…
Holding on…
Right now..Letting go…and choosing you first this time was all that you needed  to do…
And am glad finally…its finally over..and my heart doesn’t hurt..The way it used too.

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9 thoughts on “Too long..

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