The Interview. . CONTINUED.
“Tell me about yourself”.. the grey – haired asked.
He wondered if he should tell him that he was from a large home of children that could form their own colony..and the fact that they are spread to different parts of the earth..
Or mention that at age fourteen he had his first drag. .
Or that his elder ‘ s sister’s roommate ‘ s friend’s cousin was the one that gave him his first kiss and the fact that he had wet dreams of Hallel Berry from the moment he realised what the thing the man between his third leg could do aside from taking-a-licke. ..
It was her black skin and sexy slim beauty that kept him awake all night wishing many things untold.
He wondered if he should mention that he flunked maths a couple of times..
Or the fact that he never could sum up enough morale to talk to a girl..
Atleast Clark Kent had the decency to trip on his face everytime he got close to Lana. …
Who he nicknamed “slutty-L”..
She practically did every male in that series *SmallVille” , she couldn’t even leave Lex Luther out of the picture. ..C.K’s sworn enemy… “Abba!”..it was appalling…
He mentally shook his head from the cobwebs of unfrizzled thoughts.
He wondered what he should say. .
That he loves gadgets.if only he could have all instead of wishing it from the screen he occasionally drool over from. He was a computer wizard.
Or the fact that he loved kids to a fault.
Or that he was an art lover of words. That create pictures only an artist can conjure…that in the middle of the night he would wake up and put down thoughts even the mind can’t comprehend. ..or get sad when he can’t log into Facebook to read a fight challenge of words on the #FlashChallenge #Blackout
Or the fact that he was a great listener..and he could observe you like a thief.
Or maybe he should just tell them it took him half of his mother’s golds and energy to get him in, through and out of school…and the fact that he lived for her.
Or maybe he should rather just tell them of how he wanted to study something other than what he did…
Hated his previous boss who just wanted to kiss him at every turn..
Or the fact that if he didn’t get this job he was going to die…practically. surely to the end…and yet..what’s the relevance??
“My name is James mokoro. A graduate of the University of Benin, class of ‘012. Studied psychology. I am jovial and smart. Am an hands-on-deck kinda guy.
Worked as a cashier prior to my inception into university.
Computer geek. Writer by default. Served in asaba. Worked as an assistant in an electronic shop for a year.
I am target driven . Focused and an active listener. I learn fast and I know I would be the best candidate for the job” ….
Breathe James breathe.
They were smiling. He was shocked . Grey – haired didnt look like someone who could break even the tiniest of smiles..yet…He was smiling. .The scratching of his grey – hair under his jaw kinda smile.
Jay-z big lipped on the other hand didnt want to be left out so he joined in.
James wondered if someone was dancing the “macarina ‘ behind him and flapping boobies for effect..
“Mr james…are you nervous? ?”
My god was that even a question.
“No am not sir”..He replied.
“Let me have you CV”..
James hands it to him.
“Its quite detailed and straight to the point. My opinion.. you must have lifted all this from the Internet and filled here up to confuse us..
But nevertheless. ..
What did you bring into the company while you worked as what you worked as..
Because I see that you moved around from one department to another , promoted which is impressive., under just one year. How did you achieve that??”
He turns the Cv close and stares at James .relaxing into his seat.
“I like to believe that I did my job well. Good interpersonal relation with customers, actively present at all times–
“Er mr James. .am sure you weren’t the only one who did their job well and interfaced with customers on a daily. What was that thing that propelled them to shoot you up from sales to assistant in less than a year” Jay-z big lip asked .
He wondered what exactly they meant.
Ehen! If he didn’t do his job well..which meant talking to customers and making sells..how will the market move??
“I was in charge of product knowledge training, routine checkups, at at a point customer care and sales report. I was deligently and effective “. .
He hoped that answered their question.
They were shaking their head
“I was expecting you to say that you brought in not just prospects but closed sales. That maybe due to your performance you were hitting your target consistently. Surpassing deadlines as as when due ..you know?
You say you worked in an electronic shop…meaning you were in constant interaction with people . I even expected to see your Cv with figures that you achieved that helped to boost the company and explain your sudden rise to the top…well..almost to the top.
All I see here is story. Written and printed . Signed , sealed and delivered . That’s it
Can you understand what I mean?
So can you explain it?”
How was he to know to say those . He didnt think calling out sales figure he achieved was relevant.
“What is psychology mr James. You achieved a upper grade in school right. What is psychology. ? ”
“I thought we we were going to be talking about job interview not what I studied in school”..James thought to himself.
He knew he knew it. But by god..nothing was coming to his head.
“Who theorised it?”…
Grey – haired was mocking him. With those eyes. Making him feel incompetent even with his discipline.
He could write an exam even in his sleep. Now mere definition of what he always had off his fingertips eluded him like smoke off the mouthing top that beckons to you but disappears when you finally come close . He cussed him.
James smiled stiffly . There was no saving him now.
“Don’t piss yourself . I read same. I was just testing you..apparently ..well..your grade ..well….” he shrugged.
“But that’s not important. Why did you leave?”.
*I left because my boss was a male gigolo and a bi-sexual you didnt miss an opportunity to grab my balls and press himself to mine everything I went into the store room.
The pay sucked.i was losing weight and wine to was depressed” ..He spoked in his mind
“Health issues and unconducive working environment “.
“Okay. Assuming you are given this job.
What do we expect from you”..jaz-z asked. Writing into his jotter
“The best”! James replied.
Mother always said said to said to be short and precise. Straight to the point.
“How many days notice?”
“Er.. a week”
“Why is that Mr james. It seem to me you like your freedom and joblessness”..grey – haired was put off
“I need to know that we are waisting our time here and that you are just a call away”.
“I need to find a nanny for my baby couzins. Parents are out of town. So as soon as they come back…..* James allowed his words trail off.
“The fact that you are willing to sacrifice your happiness for commitment to family is applaudable. And being honest is key. And your word is you’re bond . I like your clear cut honesty. ”
James smiled. For the first time since they started he relaxed.
“Something good does come out of Jerusalem ” he mused
“Firstly, how much do you require for your service.?” Jay-z said standing up to answer a call.
“Fifty thousand ” James threaded carefully. Playing with his hands under the table.
That smile again.
“How much do you think we can offer you??”
“Er .sixty thousand? ?”….He didnt want to push it .
“Ok. Basically, your monthly is around two hundred to three hundred thousand roughly with commission.
Monthly target for sales would make make you go home a few thousands added to it as well.
“You undergo training and every other thing would be briefed to you as you go.”
Grey – haired turned to jaz-z full – lip .
“Do you have any other thing to say to him??”.
He mumbled a no.
“Am sorry, I didn’t get that…
Tha-that salary thing you said. Do you mean twenty thousand or so.”
He knew he didn’t hear it well . He should have cleaned his ears today. The water that entered his left ear while bathing havn’t slidded out like .
“200 to 300 k roughly with commission and a few top up with reaching targets.”
“Welcome on board mr James. You have potential and good prospects that can be useful in this company, which will inturn help you in your career growth. Congratulations. We will contact you within the week. ”
Grey – hair and jaz-z stretches out their hand for a brief handshake.
“You may leave now and call the next”..
James nodded . His face breaking into a smile. His “thank you sir” …”God bless you sir” “Thank you for this opportunity it .” “Thank you…Thank you ” became an anthem
“Shut the door after you. ..”.
And just like that…Grey – haired and his side kick went back to being mean .
But that, he didn’t let deter him.
Alot to do with his salary…but most of all “take care of mother”
Nothing can dampen his happy thoughts . Not even a tiny pin. Not even the fat secretary at the reception. Not even the security guard with an up twisted nose. Not even the cab man with lousyness. Note even his looks.
Damn everything. Today was a good day..
He left the office gliding airyly through the halls. Smiling and greating everyone he waw going down. He began to sing sofly under his breath ..
” Today …He was king..
Obama got nothing on him.!”
He went home trekking..despite the scorching sun and over – bearing heat…He had a sweet happy smile of peace and contentment wrapping his face .