Journeying into the heart of the crowded city. ….
It’s been quiet for the most part of the day.
Phcn had decided to go on strike. I was bored shitless and the traffic outside wasn’t encouraging at all. So I slept. I was home alone for hours.
“And she said she was only going to take an hour. It’s hoursssssssssss now” #deepSigh.
I heard her come in and heads to the shower..i come out a few minutes later when I knew she was out and dressed.
“Hey…look what the cat dragged in! !” I joked.
“Funny!!” She replied.
“Well you know me….” I shrugged and sat on the chair, watching her look through her bag as though looking for something.
“I got you something…”! She was indeed looking for something. ..she hands it to me after removing the lylon bag.
It was a cute gold and silver earring. I smiled taking it.
“Awwwn aren’t you such a darl. Thanks L. ” I admire it and then put it in my bag.
“Atleast something to remember me by.”..
“Apart from your craziness? ? Gee ofcos”. I ducked when I saw the hand coming and headed out the door laughing.
“Hey….this too. I know you like meetpie and I stopped and went back for it ..For you”. She called out and followed behind me.
“Yum”! “Thank you.”….I grab it and my teeth had already marked it like a prey. My mouth was moving and enjoying the taste of meet and then pie..then I stopped…
“Hey…I know you trying to bribe me to keep quiet and not give you charge for coming back…” * checking the time*… “7 hours later than what you said.”..
“But that’s fine. Bribe happily accepted “.. I went back to chewing and humming while she laughed and didn’t say a word.
“Babes where is your earring??” . We were lying on our backs on the bed, facing the ceiling. It was pitch dark outside and Phcn still hadn’t showed us love. I was thinking randomly about unimportant things. Her question broke through my thoughts…
“Its in my bag. Why??” I asked without turning.
“Nothing oh. I just wanted to make sure you kept it save…
…..you know it costs quite alot”?… she added and slowly turns to face me..
I slowly turn to face her at exactly thesame time and at exactly thesame pace. My eyes were really bright despite the darkness and immediately our eyes met… we busted out laughing ..tummy wrenching laughter ..
Am sure the neighbours would be wondering what’s up our crack holes.
“Yeah…am sure it did. With that 5 naira lylon bag I saw you remove it from. Come, sure say no be aboki you buy am from?? Those ones they sell like 100 naira after they have gathered old earrings and pour them into a bucket of soapy water and wash it then use white cortex to paint it so it shines. They fix it into a earring patch and then puts it inside five naira waterproof and sell it to you. Maybe for 50 naira sef. Ok let me be nice. 89 naira so you have change of 11 naira. Which ofcos they give you 10 naira and keep 1 naira since we don’t have coins in the system no more….”
“It costs quite alot indeed. You for just leave am for “keep the earring well oh.” Why you come they talk plenty. See let me not treat your matter this night oo ” …..
Oh….the laughter vibrated the room. She couldn’t contain herself and keep her hands to herself either… I made to run but she caught me… I knew I was dead.
“Chai sha you have bad mouth eh…babes. but it indeed costs quite alot. “..
My expression gets her roaring again. Tears filling her eyes.
“But it’s not five naira lylon bag na. And no its not aboki na. And no…I don’t do such. You know you are worth more than 50 naira earring”…
“Aboki give you change”??..I asked. And ducked when the pillow came flying..
“Am just messing with you L. You know its cute..the aboki..erm sorry spar earring..*i make faces at her*..But biko…no talk again before I refuel and charge at you. You no won sleep this night abi?”..
She laughs..it takes her awhile to finally fall asleep with a smile on her face. Atleast she got a story to remember me by…
“I really should get her something….but heh!!! Laughter is good for the soul”…..
My eyes battles sleep till I caved in.
“Obalende obalende!!!!” The conductor shouts..
“Will you stop at their last bustop??” I asked ” and how much??”
“Yes we go stop. Na 250!!”
I climbed the bus and sat down. I preferred the window for air. I hated the stuffiness in busses..coupled with bad mouth odour and sweats of heated passengers..you were lucky to have one or neither of those. But I didn’t want to take chances.
I look down at my white top.
“Maybe I should have gone for the brown or black instead” I mutter to myself and shifted . Hoping I don’t get to be stained by dusts and whatnot.
I pick out my phone and busied myself for the duration of the long journey.
The traffic was mad…I sighed a couple of times on checking my time. 4 hours gone already. Just like that. I wondered how and when I get home. It was 4 already. And i left barely 30 minutes to one . #deepSigh
The bus curves into a bend and then rolls to a stop. The driver jumps down and turns to the passenger’s seat and opens it up…his head disappearing underneath…apparently looking for something.
“Make una come down here. I no de go again. Park no de for obalende to lekki ajah. Make una come down here!!” His head disappears back
The shouts began..
“What do you mean Oga.? You talk say you go reach last bustop. So why you dey stop us for here??
” So we go trek the remaining journey for leg baa..under this hot sun.”
” Ok Oya if you no dey go again…give us change make we enter bus go reach there”
“You must carry us go there. You dey madt. So 250 na dash? Wei dollar don increase like winch grandmama you think say e easy to cough money like that. You no well. Give us change or you carry us go”..
Cuss and spittle be flying and shaking hands. I just kept quiet and watched.
“Whats a girl to do?…I didnt have mouth to talk. Besides ….if it came to a fight….i knew i was fragile like that. So I kept quiet and waited. I still didn’t know shit about the route. So it was save to allow the indigenes handle this one. I just needed to get to the last bustop. ” my thoughts be having a silent convo
“I no dey give una shikilie . Nothing. Make una trek there. Sun never kill person. ”
“Ode. Yeye. You are madt. ” this thick man comes down. Wearing blue. He was elderly though. But too alert for his own good.
“Wei your conductor dey. You better respect yourself and pay us balance.
“See Oga. I will not trek under this sun. See my skin. God forbid. I paid you so you must take me to my bustop. People make una enter. Him go carry us go jeje”
The lady with glasses behind me said. Folding her arms and shaking her legs.
“For skin wei you beech baa? Come on.. get down. All of una get out. Make I close my bus”…
Her cuss was a shrill shout. I shook the waves out of my head.
I came down.
See? I did mention I had no strenght sha. But I also knew I wasn’t close to my destination. But then again I waited. Maybe they could get him to change his mind.
“Be nice driver!” I hoped.
“Infact….you are mad. No not mad. Insane. No !more than insane. You are crazy. ”
“No him they craze!!! Him mama no burn am well”…another man offered
He takes out a news paper and heads to the back of the car and writes down the plate number.
The other passengers barricaded the driver. Hands holding his shirt and trouser…trying to shake him.
He fights them off. But they hold on
“See driver ,this car them go impound am. You go sleep for cell this night.”
“You be fool. Who me?? Thunder never fire you. Make una leave me. I no they give una nothing. Get out from my face” he spat.
I felt the slap even from inches away. It was resounding.it was loud. Infact it was a thunderstorm. I held my face in anticipation of how he was going to hold his…
He made to return it but three others followed while passengers blocked him.
The slapper takes his bag, dips his hand into it and pulls out a shirt. It was the nigerian police uniform…and shows it to the slappee. His eyes grew bigger than saucerpans
You know that ghen-ghen moment when you knew you just effed up?
I began to play a violin in my head. The birds chirped in and sang a melody. And then I heard that mortal combat line….”finish him” ……
Same time I heard the driver shout ..
“I don die ehhhh!!!”
And passengers sang the chorus
“God don punish you today 5x”
He couldn’t run. His feet has suddenly been lifted off the ground and then he was slammed…
He gets up, makes to run and then he is grabbed by 20 hands…like tentacles ….the slaps and beating made my eye hurt.
“He really should have just taken us there or given us change. He never knew the devil was a passenger too”…
“And I still don’t know why the heck I am or how the heck I was going to where I am supposed to”…I said. The gruesome scene wasn’t a sight for sore eyes..
“To the park?? Come let me show you”..
Apparently another passenger like myself was standing behind me. Was he hiding or just admiring the view???
While we left the scene and walked under the hot sun… I noticed the dust had made a map on my white shirt. Gave it hands and eyes….
I sighed….”I really should have worn the black ….it really wouldn’t do with a pretty face and a messed up shirt”
I did mention #LifeIsSoUnfair right??
The sun burned….”Oh my delicate skin”..I said and laughed. Wondering what the end to that bus driver would be. Then again I didnt care…when you decide you want to rip people. ..you should be ready to take the piss!!!