Wordporn-Series : this madness called love …3!
Sometimes I see her in my dreams.
No!! It wasn’t those kinda dreams that have her naked and beneath me. Even though I wouldn’t mind that. ..I wouldn’t mind that at all.
It’s those dreams that makes you wonder. …”of all things..really? ”
She is always seated at the edge of my bed. Or sometimes by her mother’s kiosk, smiling and selling oranges. She never speaks to me when I speak to her. Never takes my hands when I give it to her.
I have so much to say to her but yet my heart is heavy.
How does a bad boy like myself tell her everything I desire to say at the tip of my tongue and not feel bad.
I knew without asking that she was innocent. Probably a virgin. I must have popped a few cherries in my life time..albeit mutually consented to, ofcos. But hers …I don’t even want to think about it.
Yes! I felt every need to protect her. To always want to see her smile. To Have her move from this stage of her life to something and someone better. Just because life had sucked for her and her mum doesn’t mean God doesn’t send people to be a helping hand.
But I didn’t know if God was the one pushing me..
Or was it the throbbing between my legs or the constant slow and fast beat of the heart within my chest when I think about her.
All I knew was that.. I have to do something. ..something to make her smile last longer. .
Something to make her look at me and not wonder if I have bad intentions.
Well I don’t think I do have bad intentions. *pensieve*
I know what ya’all will say. I am a man. I always want sex. When it comes to the opposite sex. True. It’s a given. But people change.
Yes…I know you don’t believe me. People do change. I know I like Amara. And am deeply attracted to her. It’s not love…I don’t know what to call it even. I have never loved. I dont even know what love is or what it feels like or if it even exists. Its a myth.
But know it’s way past infuation. Yes I still get a boner around her..Damn! ! She fine AF. But I don’t want that. …ever since I saw her. ..I knew it was more that that. .it always has been. .and I needed to find out what. ..I needed to understand why I can’t focus..think straight…why I can’t be me..The bad boy. ..the player…and all I want to be is a clean slate where she stands.
What the hell is happening to me????
“My son I don’t understand “. Her mother stared at me. Looking from the money in the envelop to me strangely. Amara sat beside her on the stool trying to make sense of the event unfolding before her.
I shifted my weight from one foot to the other.
“Amara need to further her education right? And you told me that she has her papers complete? ” She nods. “Ehen
..next thing is to write jamb na. And I checked to make sure sales were still on. So I think it’s only right that she gets to write jambs and see where it goes'” . I Finished.
‘But my son I don’t understand ” she says again.
I kept mute. I really didn’t know how to answer that.
“Mama, just take it. Let Amara further her education. That’s all”
“Why??” Her voice came as a wisper. I almost didn’t hear.
“Why are you doing this? What are your intentions..what’s your motive. ..why do you want to help? You don’t know me…my mother …why???”
Her mother nods her head again..as though that was what she intended to ask.
For the life of me….
I really and trully couldn’t give an answer. So I said what came to my mind
“I was led to. Mayb God wanted me to. I dunno..I really dunno. Amara you seem like a bright girl and it wouldn’t be and waste to spend the rest of your life on the streets and have men take advantage of that. Yes I don’t know you or your mother but…I just…’ I raised my hands and dropped it…” I just don’t know. But if you feel uncomfortable about it its fine. I will understand. Just. .think about it” I finished and looked down. Avoiding there eyes.
“But my son writing jamb isn’t the problem. Amara is bright. But it’s the ‘After” it that worries me.
We make close to 3k if we are lucky in a day. Sometime sales are bad we make 1k or less. How will I put her in the university? There is too much to be considered. But thank you. May God bless you. “….she takes my hand and places back the money. My heart sank.
“Amara thank the young man and let us go … ”
“Thank you Si—
“I Will pay” . I blurted out. *WTF is wrong with me. Who the hell are you in my mind. My body. Imposter!!! I screamed within me. But my mouth didnt stop.
‘Mama…I Will take care of that. God will make a way. When we come to that bridge ..We will cross it. ” I closed the distance between us , taking her hand again and placing the envelop in them.
“Get her registered. Let her take the exam. ” I picked a pen I saw on the table apparently used by Amara and scribbled down my number on it and my name..
” Let me know the results. And if you need anything..anything at all…Please call me.”
And I walked away…fast, before they changed their mind again. Before I get back my senses and make a detour back.
I felt their eyes bore a hole in my back..trying to maybe see into my soul..to understand. ..I swear even if they had the powers to do so..it would be pointless. I didnt even understand myself.
I walked home. I needed to think , to strategize.
“How the hell was i going to put her through school? I effing live in a one room behind mama basira’s shop.
Been working my ass out for an IT company since last year that pay me 20k a month…Sometimes they pay me that for 3 months and expects me to come in every day. Fine boy no be for mouth. Na fine she go chop? Or na fine go pay her school fees
What the hell have I done??
Was it too late to go back and tell them I was joking???”
I laid awake that night . I couldn’t sleep.
The next morning. ..I knew what I had to do. I made a decision. ..
I needed to go back to Amara and her mother’s. ..
To be continued. …