Those rare nights!!!
She had become used to the silence in her head. The lonely nights and absence of soothing words that causes her heart to beat fast and slow at thesame time.
She had forgotten the feel of warm lips and broad shoulders hiding her in its warmth. She had forgotten to remember to sink into depth of blue eyes , and pulled into the pool of pleasure and thrown over the cliff of ecstasy and bliss and dropped down safely into silk mattresses,exhausted. Fulfilled. Happy. Loved.
It’s been so long, so long she heard those words and loved them.
Felt that skin and recognised them. Saw herself through Mirror eyes. Waited for those rude interruptions of stolen kisses and laughed at silly jokes and dances that caused her to roll with tears in her eyes.
So long many nights ago.. turned into days ..into months and years..
Untill she found herself curled up in the corner, briefcase gone and just a letter placed on a tray with a red rose petal and words that tore her,broke her and filled her jar with hearts of broken hearts. She laid there, unfocused, unseeing, un-her. Lost. Forgotten. Abandoned. Alone.
The love,her curse. Her simplicity,her ruin. Her heart, broken. And the world ,still moving on as the dark silhouette of the stranger that became a lover, went back to being a stranger. And when the tears stopped falling and all her essence spent. When the days had turned into nights and back to day. When there was nothing left; she got up ,dabbed her swollen eyes,packed the little of what was left of her heart and moved and kept moving.
Eventually every face that she looked that brought back memories slowly faded. Every ever-afters scenes didnt make her blink. She had healed.. somewhat.
And then out of the blue the calls began. The messages seeped in. The constant blues of “am sorry” on replay. But just like always …Once she opened the door..After warmth. After soul. After all. Morning comes with the sun rays burning her eyes open to an empty bed. Again and Again.
She stood by the brink of it all…bare feet touching fine sands. Toes sinking into cool water..and along with a pebble stone with beautiful colours…she severed all last ties and the phone with it. Watched it disappear. Forgotten.
As the water watched over the heavens and bathed the earth..as the days rolled in..with a smile she turned down every cute blue eyes. With a shake of the head she allowed new broad shoulders shrug and move away. Without a care she let every other person not dwell.
It wasn’t time yet.
Or maybe because she was scared to care,to trust,to love again. It’s been a hard enough life….her heart is all she had left. Or what was left of it. It was only natural to want to protect it.
The smile. Grey eyes. Broad shoulders and a voice of beauty.
Her rolled up walls sinks in. Her glow sparkled. Her radiant beautiful. Her eyes was filled with hope. He did that.
The walks under the moonlight sky. The care and attention. The counting of the stars that twinkled in the sky. The mutual kisses.. the midnight talks.. the hug,the feel ..The laws of attraction and cupid ‘ s arrows. One shot to her heart ..that’s all she needed.
Untill that entwined night, until heated passions . Until the rise and high and cresending to the top. Until hearts collided and pulses abated. Untill one of those rare nights..while head rested on broad shoulders . Skin to skin. Fingers trailing ..hot breath to soft skin. Fulfilled.
Those words came rolling out.. calculated. Intended. Purposely precise.
She stilled her hands . She stilled her heart and chocked back words.
Though the darkness hide the look in those eyes. It didn’t mean her heart didnt bleed.
And while she watched him speak. While she allowed the cuddles and a goodnight kiss. She wiped away a stray tears in the dark.
And by morning when the sun rays came..
And he stood opening the door ajar..
Staring into her eyes and hoping for a future meet.
She knew then there was no way she would let herself be degraded in the way he wanted.
Just because love
Just because warmth
Just because loneliness
Just because need and desire
Didn’t mean she wasn’t worth a thousand words.
Didn’t mean she wasn’t worth something real
Didn’t mean she wanted “just for a spur of the moment”
It meant she wanted something more..
She deserved that much
As she looked through the mirror of his eyes..
She knew she would be the one leaving and not coming back
Walking out the door her back facing his beautiful form
Walking out the door because life was too short to live another lie
Because her heart was too soft to have another showdown
Because she realised too early that they walked different parts and she didn’t want to run circles around him. .when all he wanted was a “a now”
And all she wanted was more..
As the “goodbyes “were said.
Hers was from her heart. With pain. With hurts . For hopes were tarnished.
But she was thankful. ..
Her heart hadn’t completely rolled off her sleeves and fallen to the ground.
She tucked it right into her chest and sealed it. Barricading it with the armour of strong steel.
Sometimes not every story is a love story.
Sometimes every story is just a lesson.
Maybe she realised….hers wasn’t meant to end being an “everyAfter”
With that she walked away..without looking back. Knowing that…this was the end. He didnt know it. But it was okay she did.
Because she was all that she had left…and her jars of broken hearts she didn’t intend to add another broken piece to it.