Wordporn-Series : this madness called love. . . 13
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Here’s the thing about my predicament. Is the fact that my sleeping and waking thoughts are off Amara. From the moment I open my eyes to the point when I close them, even when am knee bent and deep and head buried in work…she had become my worst distractions.
It isn’t just about the fact that she has beautiful curves for a girl her age. It isn’t just about her beautiful and soft skin that glows from that fair radiance gotten from her igbo heritage. It’s about those eyes, those innocent eyes that bores into my soul, seeing, kneading and leaving me exposed..bare and totally ashamed .
Knowing that girls her age are so soiled and in the world that they are already worse for wear. But realising that in this big bad world of evil, you can still find something good, untouched, untapped and undiluted. That despite the social vices that crawls the streets you can still see beauty ..and that’s something to applaud.
Not forgetting that I also helped to ruin a couple of cherries. Now here’s the thing, my past makes me cringe. Ashamed. That if Amara probably got a wind of It she might run away from me, be disgusted and disappointed. It didn’t matter that it was my past . It mattered that I was the past and I am still that man. Who sees a woman as a play thing. Whose waking thoughts are for the next cute face and beautiful legs that goes up for miles. That sinking into a moist of warmth between thighs is something I have mastered over time, that I am more subtly ..more smart that helping them get into the mood is way faster than blinking an eye. Watching them walk out the door doesn’t even make me loose sleep. I didnt care. No I didn’t.
But Amara ‘ s eyes feels like a dagger to my chest. Judging me without words. Exposing me without conviction. For her I feel I could change everything even my name.
But don’t get me wrong. I am a man and I have needs. It doesn’t mean my loins doesn’t burn from desiring the moist warmth I know she possesses. Or that my ears doesn’t yearn to hear that music that would escape from her lips..or my skin doesn’t tickle from fantasying how hers would feel underneath mine. Or the fact that my mouth don’t water when I think about how she would taste from every opening and how I look to drink from her essence. No I can’t deny that.
But here’s to the thing..
My desire for her is overpowered by my need to protect and shield her away from all that.
That’s why my need to control,
To tame the lion within me threatening to roar..
That’s why my need to hide my past away..so that my presence doesn’t dent her fine features. So that my aura doesn’t soil her beautiful fragrance.
Amara makes me look at women different …that it isn’t all about the heated passion and mingles sweats from skin against skin.
It’s about her womanly essence …its about her. And a woman needs to be loved other than the sheets. She needs to be protected other than warm arms. And that’s all I desire….
That’s all I need.
And for the first time I tucked my third leg behind me and saw through my eyes…
And all i saw was Amara and I know that’s all I need…
Curbing the throbbing pain..what about the pain in my chest when I think of her..
What about the raging thoughts in my head?
What was wrong with me??
What’s is wrong with me??
This is madness..
I shook my head from this thoughts . Running me hand over my face , breathing.
Realising that what bothered me now was something different.
Every time I saw her in my dreams, she looked happy. All the times I saw her briefly in person she looked full of life, jovial albeit quiet. But happy nontheless.
But today there was something in her eyes that didn’t sit well with me.
Was it sadness? Was it anger..?
Or was it fear…?
More like fear.
From who? Did someone hurt her. Or was she scared of me. Did she know about me, my past. Did she find out.?
I breathed hard. Walking into the house and passing their small palour looked bare, and followed the corridor to the only opening I could find.
“Where were they? Why were they taking so long”..
The further I walked in, the darker it became . I blinked blinked couple of times to adjust my eyes to the darkness and then I heard it.
I paused as I heard Voices. Muffled voices that sounded as though two people were talking or were they arguing.??
I turned the bend and to the voices.
It was too dark. I could make out two forms in the dark, one taller than the other but I couldn’t see what was going behind the tall form that backed me.. I blinked again, squinting my eyes..
“Amara??” I called out. The voices stopped.
“Amara”??? I moved closer . I could see clearly now.
“Whats going on here?? Junior..Amara? ?” My jaw clenched and my fist closed. Where were both of them standing in the dark, close to each other and the wall supporting the to back.
Junior’s hands were to her face which he suddenly and quickly dropped, stepping away. Amara dropped her hands which seemed as though it rested on his chest or touching his chest. She looked away, clasping and unclasping her hands.
“Bru..hey..erm..hey man what’s up??” He stepped away again.
“I asked you a question. What is going on here. What the Fxxk where you doing junior??. ” I turned to him now.. my nails were digging into my palm. Was he hurting her? I could ram my fist into his face, and give him a bloodied nose. My chest was tightening. I didnt know why I was getting angry. .. I could hurt you bad junior.
“Hey dude relax.. I ..erm..we ..was..I was helping her. She got s-some-thing in her eyes and be – because it was dark and she almost tripped I had ro hold on to her to stop her from falling..and I was blowing her eyes to c-clear it before you came. Right Amara??” Junior stammered…eyeing Amara.
“Is that true Amara??” I asked her, trying to hold her eyes.
She looks at one to the other. She wanted to scream. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs and call him a lair. She wanted to hit and scratch his face and tell Bruno what he was trying to do, how is was trying to touch her in ways that makes her cringe. She wanted to tell him about that day in junior’s house. She wanted to call him a vile boy and scum of the earth. She wanted to scream and scream.
She opened her mouth and then closed it. Her expression was one of shock and then fear. She opened her mouth and closed it again…and opened it again.
The words junior had spilled into her ears briefly before Bruno came danced like letters infront of her eyes…
“If you tell anyone, I would find you and make your life miserable. If you tell Bruno or your mother, I would tie you up and ram into you till you bleed and I will make you enjoy it. Besides what makes you think Bruno is such a nice guy. He wants same thing I want. He is only pretending. Come to me willingly and I would make you a woman. And you would enjoy it, and thank me later.But if you tell anyone i will come after you…You don’t want to dare me”
“Amara??” I called her again.
She opened her mouth, blinking ..
Junior standing behind , rubs his hands over his jaw, he snarled at her and mouthed a threat word. ..”keep quiet or else”
Amara blinked again, swears breaking out on her forehead. What if Junior said was true and that Bruno is another animal like him. Birds of the same features. Like minds. Maybe he was right. But out oft the two, junior scared her most. She sighed taking a deep breathed, ..
“Yes what Amara??” I moved in closer, I didn’t quite get it.
“Yes he was helping me. Am fine now can I go? Mother might might looking for me.” She made to leave but I stopped her with my hands staying her. I came here to talk to her.
“Junior please give us a minute. I need to talk to Amara. ” She looks at me. That look again. That shadow of fear.
What was wrong with her.
Junior didnt leave.
“Why?” He askes me. Shifting on his feets. He didnt want to leave them alone. It was too risky. Amara ‘ s eyes had pulled. A little push would make her spill. She was like a time bomb waiting to explode. He needed to separate them.
“No it’s just that we have somewhere to be…at David’s. You remember and it’s getting to the time for meeting. We are late. You can talk to her some other time.” Bruno was leaving with him even if it meant dragging him out.
I sighed. Remembering. I reluctantly let’s go off her hand. She walks away without saying a word and didn’t turn back.
I turn facing junior…
“I don’t like what I saw, even though you were helping her clear her eyes I just don’t like it. ”
“Its fair game bro.” Junior muttered.
“What was that? ? I asked walking out of the small house.
“Was just helping nothing more. ” he lied.
“Mama we are leaving. ..we, no I will come back and check on Amara another day.”
“Did you see her and talk to her? Amara ‘ s mother asked. She gets up and arranges the peeled oranges on the tray.
“Ok. I will make the peppersoup oh my son. Maybe you can come here and eat it. Or just allow me send Amara with it. It’s really not a problem.
“If you insist mama. I will text my address to you. But you really don’t have to”…. maybe I can get to talk to her and find out what’s wrong. But can I be able to control myself alone with her.? I have to. I really have to.
“No we can come here mama” Junior suggested. I turn to him. Something was off with his attitude. I do remember mama saying me not us.
‘Ehen??” She looks at me. As though reading my mind, she answers.
‘No !!! this one is specially for Bruno my son. Another day eh??”
I nodded. He was quiet. I thanked her and we took our leave. I turned hoping to see her lurking at the corner…watching us. But she wasn’t.
As I and junior walked back out to the bridge ..
I wondered if Amara ‘ s behaviour had anything to do with him. He seemed to cheering. Whistling and bouncing on his feet. But barely a few minutes ago, in the darkened corridor he was nervous and jittering. Or was it Amara??
I flushed the thoughts out of my head. Junior could never be the cause of her behaviour. Though I didn’t like how close they were but he was it doing what any other person would do..
But yet why was i getting a bad vibe from it all???
We walked back home in silence. Me lost in my thoughts and her happy in is.
“Mama, I do not want to go to school again. And I don’t want you to entertain Bruno and his friend again. We would return back the jamb money and thank him” ….Amara stood at the door way, head down and hands clasping and unclasping her hands.
Her mother dropped the plate she was carrying which shattered on the ground.
She held her head and began wailing.
“Chineke’mo! !!!! My enemies in the village are after me again!!”
She slumned to the floor…..
To be continued. …