PEOPLE, THEY. ALWAYS.LEAVE!!!
He said he would never leave. Hold my hands as I take my first bus, carry me on his shoulders and let me see the world. Clean my wounds when my knees hit the earth, rub my ankles when I lift higher than my head.
But he lied.
He said , I have been here.. waiting for you while you swarm within your mother’s womb. Been here smiling into your pretty face while your little fingers held onto my little piggy finger which looked like a huge carrot in your tiny hands.
I have been here.. watching you grow.. letting you grow. .. allowing you grow. And when you began to crawl, run and jump.. I have been here.. waiting to catch you when you fall. Help you rise again. So I would never leave. Not today. Not tommorw .. Not even ever.
But he lied.
He said, I would never leave. Even when his hairs began to fall. Even when his strength felt like a feekle-feeble one, and he couldn’t stand on his feet. Even when, his hands shook and he had begun to wither on the white bed, in that cold white room and everyone dressed as angels and darkness faded into the background. He said.. I would never leave. Even when his eyes began to shut, his breath slowly becomes inaudible and the words..”I love you” .. is faintly heard . He said… I would never leave.
But he lied.
Because, yesterday , not so long ago was the last time I saw you smile. That huge goofy smile that starts from your lips, spreading across your bearded face which curves upward, baring your teeths and finally resting in your eyes..there it sparkles, radiating into my being. You were my light even in my darkest hour. And you said you would never leave.
But you lied.
You see, because yesterday, not so long ago.. you stood there at the door, waving me as I entered into my world. You were my mother, brother , sister . You burnt the eggs and still managed to make a mean sunny side up. You never got my socks right. Even my hair was usually a mess. And my cloths were piled up on a daily when my tiny fingers could hardly fold them all up before being tired.
But you see, there was no day I went hungry. Even when you didn’t have enough. There was no day my feets felt cold.. because you always covered them with warmth. There was no day.. I shivered in the cold night and sadness choked me.. your love.. like a huge duvet wrapped me up on a daily.
See, I never felt alone. Even when the one who brought me here was long gone..as soon as she gave me life. As I made my first cry. .. she breathed her last..with a smile..you said.
You see, you have been her to me..and you to me. You..The One. The only one..who makes me ..Me! And you promised you would never leave me..too.
But papa, you lied
For today, you too breathed your last. And I could not hold back the tears, erupting through my eyes as though someone turned up the fountain of pain.
For today, that strong big man, felt like just limbs and bones as they rolled you away with me refusing to let go of your fragile withered hands.
For today, those bright blue eyes were devoid of life and I would never get to see those sparkles behind your smile.
For today, I stand staring into the huge hole in the ground as they lowered you in.. and I pray hoping I would wake up from this dream and see you standing here..beside me, singing me a lullaby, giving me piggy-rides, braiding my hair, having cake fights, teaching me about life and telling me not to grow up too fast ..”you would always be my little girl. My princess. Don’t grow up too fast!” ..you said.
“Promise me, you would never leave?” …I begged.. one time too often ..from my tiny growing years up until yesterday as you laid on that bed.
“Never!! …I would never leave” ….you said.
BUT. YOU. LIED
You did leave..me alone. To stare at the shadows hoping you would be home.
But I wished you weren’t one …
She said she would never leave, be there forever. Never stay away for ever.
but she lied
She said , she would bug my life silly, make funny faces at my every morning, wrap her hands around my torso when she sneaks up behind me. Kiss my neck and tell me sweet nothingness daily into my ears.
But she lied.
She said, I would cry when I say my vows to you. I would carry your little you and love him/her when they are due. I would hold your hands when you are sad and hold them tighter when you laugh. I would tell you all my secrets and sing silly songs and dance out of tube for you. I would run up the mountains and slide down in my gucci shoes. I would be here with you forever and love you till ever afters ..
But she lied.
For yesterday was the last time I saw her smile. For her hands had become cold, her lips blue and her eyes didn’t hold no more smiles.
she left me ,all alone. To face the
taunt of loneliness. to stare at the shadows hoping to see her there. To turn on my side and feel her stare.
when she said she would never leave..but
all I feel is sadness and emptiness inside.. my heart has become cold..there is no more warmth. No love..
Just a chest where my heart beats. Even that seems be my hell. For my angel is here, lying on her cold death bed.
she said she would never leave.
But baby, ..you lied!.
Now am left with memories of you..and that’s
painful as hell.
Ps : This goes out to people who have had the cold hands of death rip out their loved ones, like breaths taken away from your body or your hearts ripped put of your chest.
I know. I understand the pain. I have been there.
I know it sucks.
I know the pain doesn’t feel like it would go away.
But hold on…don’t give up.
It’s going to be OK.
Be content to know that you had a chance to love them and had a chance to be a part of their lives… their sister, their friend, their brother, their father, their mother, their lover, their all.
Just breathe. Time would heal. Be strong.
You would be just fine. They are safe. Protected. Resting. They feel no more pain.
Soon, you won’t anymore. You won’t forget them. But .. you would remember them. In your heart. And that’s one place that nothing ever dies.
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