LOL #BVNPALAVA #BVNRANTS

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LOL.  #BVNPALAVA #BVNRANTS

I got the usual message this morning for the hundredth time .

“Central back of Nigeria bla bla bla has blocked your ATM due to bla bla bla BVN Reg.  Call this number for 09066525177 for Re-activation.

Me : πŸ€”

Shei they said somewhere abi we were taught from the good book to obey abi? And our parents and teachers told us to always follow instructions abi?

OK.

First I check my balance, I had a few tiny coins sitting there and I didn’t have any important calls to make this morning so I shrugged and did the “Heh! !”

I cleared my voice, tweaked it, said a few glibberrish in an old woman’s voice , smiled and I dailed the above number.

Then waited.

Ring Ring Ri-

“Hello?” Some deep masculine voice answers. I pegged him in his early 40s or late 30s because he didn’t sound like a young boy. But wait, this days sha you can never know.

“Ellooooooirrr?” I sounded like an old local woman scared like hell

‘Wah happenuh? Ayam jez seeing message dem telling me Nigeria have block me. Wha I do. Epp me!’

“Goodmorning ma’am” he gets all professional.

“Yes, which of the banks do you bank with, you know with the situation of the country,  the govt is working tirelessly to ensure its safe for its citizens. That’s why they block people who haven’t done their BVN?”

“PELVICMEN? ” I ask in my local voice

“Huh? What? BVN”?

“Oh oh BiVinNeh!!! So hain, chineke alamohh!! So wah weee ah do nah. OK I shuu go to DJ Banks?

“Eh? Bank?”

“Hmm Blanks!” I repeat  “DJ Banks !! Bank !! Blanks!!! Ah you nor hearing me. Elloorrrrr  !! Gellooooirrr!  Elo?”

“Madam I can hear you”

“Ehen” I sneeze  “smiggle”

“What? Madam what are you saying?”

“DhjsjskaksissnJzjzkzkzkkzkz I said Ehen wha weee I nah do.. make I go blanks to go am come  plane fuel them” I was trying so hard not to laugh

“Well ma’am if you want you can go to the bank and complain but we also can do it here for you quickly without stress. You know banks are closing for the year and lots of people be piling up the place so we can do it here for you. No stress. Which of the banks do you bank again ma’am”

“Blanks of Aflica. .”

“Sorry?”

“Flies blanks of AFLICA! ! Ohh chineke dimna can you not hear me. First bank !!” I cough

“OK when last did you use your ATM? ”

“Erm, e have tei oh. I shiink laszarus ”

“Hmm?” I hear him say ” guy I no understand weitin this woman they yarn  in the background.

I have this very weird keen hearing senses. ..

I smile.

“Las morthe.  Wei my son send me monri from obodo oyibo.  But e done tei, him send. So wah  weee I do my son. Epp me eh?” I sob

“No ma’am it’s not problem . Do you have your ATM card with you, ? And do you remember your details you used in registering?

“Yelz I do. Erm.. witch wand iz da bomb again nah.. iz zit nor Erm my name , head-dress and fun-norber again, wah else?”

“No ma’am I am just asking. Oya if it’s close to you carry it because they are some details we would require for you to call out from it while I update you now.”

“Ehen?”

“Yes ma!”

“OK.  Ayam coming. Let me bring it from my bag.. eh eh eh” I sound as though am moving, zipping and unzipping., dropping things on the group,  exclaiming back pain and then I sigh

“Ehen my son, it’s with me. Wah do again?”

“OK call out the number and then you would have you give us your password then we update you. That’s all ma’am” I could hear the smile in his voice.

“OK.  Fksoalsjzjzjskslzmjznzjspsksbjsz828e7zhbzmPznzmnnzhbzzhoe8uergb”

“Pleas I didn’t get that ma’am. Repeat. slowly”

“OK. !! G.E.T A JOB. NIGERIANS AREN’T AS STUPID AS YOU THINK.  PLUS IF YOU TRY THIS AGAIN I WOULD FIND YOU AND I WOULD KILL YOU!!! BHUHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH!!!! ”

SILENCE

“OGA.. OGA OH.. YOU NOR WANT MY NUMBER AGAIN. ELLOOOOOOIRRR ELORRRRRIIIII

SILENCE.

“THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT.”

LINE CUTS

Am I mean??”

It wasn’t my fault.  #innocent face.

But I had fun sha, now my credit have finished. Next time they won’t just pick a random number and send that message.

And yes that’s the number they asked me to call.. which I did. Anyone is free to play their own prank . Lol.

How I spent my early morning.

#StephanieEgberike #Writes #Playsprankson419s #playfulmood #BVNRANTS

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