There is a difference between dreams and reality, just like colours, just like black and white, the sun and the moon, naira and dollar, and the whole bunch of other tales which doesn’t make alot of sense right now.
I would see her in my bed, half asleep , half awake, her long lashes covering her eyes while she slept or while she stares .
I would see her dancing at the foot of my bed, off beat but the beauty was in her carefreeness, her laughter, her personality that tends to light up the world full of darkness.
I would see her, dipping her toes in the cold light blue water as she sat on sand in the beach, breeze in her face and coursing through her hair.
I would see her, sitting across from me, speaking sweetly to me, letting me hold her hand.
I would see her, almost all of her as she stands infront of me, wearing nothing but silk as it accentuates her curves, and my thoughts would run wild, in as much as I want to reach out and bring her to me, I was more content in standing there, staring.. hoping to see right through her , to her heart, to know just what she thinks of me.
I am a man, with hot blood coursing through my veins, my chest beating hard but the one close to my legs harder.. and yet while a part of me wanted to be me..Bruno. another part of me wanted to be different ..for reasons I still wondered why it made sense to me all of a sudden.
But what do you do when your dreams become a reality. .right there infront of you. What do you do when the girl who had suddenly plagued your dreams at night and during the day is standing here infront of you, offering herself like a sacrifice and all your reservations suddenly goes out the window.
It felt strange. I had seen her without cloths before that day she was shivering from cold in the corner at her house, practically soaked in the droplets of the rain, she had started up as I laid her on the bed, worried sick she didn’t stop shaking and I knew only body heat could warm her up faster and pleading with her , assuring her that I wouldn’t harm her I had climbed into the bed next to her, after undressing …and gathered her soft naked body to myself as she reluctantly agreed .
I wanted to keep her warm, safe, and I reined my emotions like a horse, taming it till I left. It was fxxking hard but I did it and I was glad. I could feel her fear, her fear of me or from someone or something else but ….I meant no harm. Never did..never did.
But…today, why does it feel different. Why does my heart beat faster than I have ever felt. Why does the pull at the front of my trousers have no dignity but protruding faster than the speed of light.
Was it because of her fairness of skin, as it glowed with the moonlight.? Was it the look in her eyes that I wasn’t sure if it sparkled from delight or tears from her eyes..?
Was it the cold that had kissed her thus making her maud stand alert on her beautiful bosom, perky and firm..?
Or was it the way her curves,like a perfectly carved goddess that would put any model to shame..
Was it the way she offered herself to me, coming close to me in the dark, telling me to take her …?
I couldn’t tell…
All I knew was that..I was finding it hard to breath, to think, to put Bruno, the hammer under control and I had begun to shake slightly…from Desire. A desire I have never felt before..never.
I had known lust, I have been horny and wanted to sink into a woman’s warmth, filling her core with all of me and satisfying my every need , not hers…and I have.
But….this… this feeling wasn’t just lust, this feeling was more and it pulled at the strings of my heart, choking me, shaking me, scaring me.
“Take me now, this is what you want. .what you all want. I won’t struggle, I won’t scream, I promise. Take it now please and leave me alone..” she says as she closes the distance to me, my back pinned to the wall, her skin radiated in the night’s glow.
“Amara”..I whispered, my throat closed, I wanted to take off my shorts or atleast let him breath. His movement making me not concerntrating.
She closed the remaining air space between us, her skin to mine, cold to warmth, bosom to chest. I let out a sigh or was it a moan? I couldn’t tell..
“Take me now Bruno. ..” she whispered. .or was it a sob? I couldn’t tell. I felt something drop to my feet, was it water from her hair or was that indeed tears.. I couldn’t tell. My mind..my shorts..my legs, my chest. .my emotions was all over the place. I couldn’t think straight..I needed to breath but I didn’t want to. I needed to stop my raging emotions and wild thoughts..I needed to, I needed to..
I pull her to me, holding her tight without thinking. .breathing into her hair, crushing her to me..
“Oh God Amara …”
Yes I was shaking much now, no this wasn’t from cold, most definitely not cold. She pressed herself to me,
And without thinking I did the first thing that came to my mind, I bend sweeping her off her feet and carried her to my bed, and laid her slowly there.. her eyes seemed to have closed in that brief moment, and her hands quickly covers her bosom, she turns away..
“Go ahead. .” She whispered, she turns back to me, she drops her hands
My throat closed, my breathing went up the roof, the throbbing between my legs won’t stop, I felt my self glistening. I closed my eyes briefly.. and open them. She was still here. I wasn’t dreaming..this was reality.
“Please just take me now”.. she begged, a tiny sob. .and then nothing.
I couldn’t help it, staring at her, her beauty , her everything. I wanted to indulge, just taking her all in just before anything. … to snap her in my mind’s eye, a perfect picture .
So I stared at her and continued doing so. Ignoring the pain between my legs. She looks at me, ..
It’s been five minutes now.. I didnt move, I didn’t take my eyes off her. But she moved, maybe tired of having me look at her, she came closer to me, and pull me down over her,
“Please. ..I won’t fight you. Just do it and get it over with…please” her words came again..
I am a man, and being with a woman wasn’t new to me, infact it was something of pleasure to have them whenever I wanted, when I wanted and how many times I wanted. They were never on short supply. I am Bruno, the ladies man.. get in, get done and get gone. Smooth, I didn’t care.
But… that hasn’t been me for a while now.
That was a me that had shame washed over me whenever I think of her..
But tonight, the need to be still was much more than the need to plunge in..
“Amara…is that what you want, really want? For me to touch you?” I heard myself ask. She was underneath me now, naked and soft, feeling my hardness against her thighs where her legs had parted abit . I could hear my heart beat, I could feel the heat emanating from me..
“Just do it”..
“Is that what you desire Ama,? ” she didn’t answer the question
Then a faint nod, and an even fainter nod ..” Please, do it.”
I wanted to… because just maybe I would stop shaking so damn hard, I wanted to because maybe I have been lying to myself for this long.. I wanted her so bad. Maybe I never did change. I was the same Bruno. ..horny Bastard! ! And I just needed to have a taste of her and maybe all this dreams I have been having of her would stop and I would go back to my normal self…just maybe, a kiss,,a touch,a sinking in and earth-shattering release and I would be free. Just maybe..
I shifted my weight to my legs so I don’t feel heavy on her, she wasn’t looking at me… she never did look at me..
“Look at me Amara”…I told her, staring down at her. She turns away
“I don’t need to.. my eyes don’t matter. It’s my body that does.. get it over with..”
“Look at me Amara ” the words she kept repeating kept hitting my chest…
And she did, her eyes were red, a little swollen, sad,,scared, anger, helpless. ..
“Amara, I won’t lie to you..and I think you need to know. I am attracted to you and I don’t know how long it has been now and maybe I have had a thought of “stuffs” about you. . But I just realised that despite it all, dreams are different from reality and my reality now makes me understand myself better… Yes I am a man and having you here naked underneath me is all I need to take you , do all I would normally want to do. But…. I can’t. And I won’t. Not because I don’t want to, but because. .. really I am not that person anymore. And I am not the person you think I am too..whatever you think…”
“You are a very beautiful girl Ama, really breathtaking beautiful and am fighting everything within me not to give in because .. damn!! I want to so bad but I won’t. Because… you dont want this and I don’t want this either. Not when all I see is pain and fear inside your eyes..and all I want is to wipe your tears you try to hide and I don’t know why…” she closes her eyes turning away…
“Look at me Ama. …” I turn her face to mine..
” talk to me, trust me and let me help you. You dont need to give yourself to me just because you think that’s what I want from you. ..I don’t. Bruno before would have a couple of weeks /months ago… but Bruno now can’t and I don’t know why…but I think it has everything to do with you. I am not a saint, far from it but I would never take a woman against her will..
“I am giving you consent ” she choked
I shake my head , the throbbing ached “No, …you aren’t.” I move away from her, pulling her over me.. making her stare at me
I was going crazy holding her, but I couldn’t let her go..not yet. Not until she listens to me..
“Amara, when a woman really wants a man… she wants him. When she doesn’t. .she doesn’t. When she is forced. ..or coerced into it you know… and what I see is you forcing you to do what you would have never ordinarily done. What kind of person do you think I am..tell me in all honesty? ”
“A man..in all ramifications. What else.. is this not what you want? Is this not why you want to train me in school , coming to pay my fees is this not the reason why… why are you pretending. Just get it over with …” she sounded angry, pained, I saw the tear leave her eyes, trailing a line to her cheeks. . My finger caught it
“No Amara, no. I didnt say I wanted to help because of that. Heck I didn’t know why I blurted it all out in the first place.. I just ..I just….” deep sigh
” saw you and dang!!! I wasn’t thinking straight anymore. And I don’t think I have been in a while now. Have I thought about you that way before….Erm. .. Maybe. Do I really really want you. Erm…Maybe. but that day at your house should have told you that. .. I am different. . And now, today I could easily do what you want but… I can’t. Yes you are driving my crazy with desire right now but Amara I won’t touch you.. I won’t, even if this longing kills me. So am sorry.. and I hope you do tell me why in the world you have this crazy thoughts in your head about this is what I want…Did I tell you this? Did I make passes at you? Did anyone say I want this.. Did I give you this impression,”?
Yes junior. Your friend junior . You both want to ruin me. Thats what he said, he didnt lie about hia intentions. He also said you guys want thesame thing but you are taking your time and pretending. So stop lying . Now I am giving it up to you, take it and leave me alone.. just take it..I have no more fights left.
She wanted to scream out
Instead all I got was silence. I sigh..
“Please. .don’t. Don’t ever give yourself up to anyone except you really really want to. Because you are crazy about the person and all you want is to feel him touch you and kiss you and be with you. Don’t ever do this Amara because not every one have the will power to hold back. Hell I never knew I had it in me to hold back from someone I obviously like ” Damn. I just admitted that out loud.
“I pray some day you trust me enough to tell me about the demons lurking in the dark and have me rescue you from their claws. I hope you trust me..enough to let me protect you. I hope you let me be your friend not the guy you want to give it up for just because I am a man and that’s all what we want. Yes, maybe 99.9% of us. But am glad I am part of the 1% percent who is saying no. I know I must be crazy now for turning you down but I have no regrets because Amara I would never be able to sleep after it. And you are crazy of even thinking it…I mean a few hours ago you were ..you were -” my throat closed
“He didn’t. He tried to but…he didnt” she whispered,.
“What, I thought he ra- ” I didn’t complete it
“your cloths was ripped and you had fainted and… “I trailed off
She shook her head ” I think he didn’t because I was struggling with him and I don’t remember anything again. But I think he didn’t get the chance to … because I don’t feel anything. .there” she didn’t look at me
A sigh of relief.. but then anger
“Who was he.. you saw his face, didn’t you. Tell me…”
Silence. What if this was just a ploy, an act. What if they are in this together. .
What if.. thoughts running through her head
“Amara. .please ”
I will come back for you if you tell anyone that I keep harassing you…and I would do much much worse
Junior’s words peirces into her thoughts of his many threats as he pinned her to the wall one of those days ..
“You all are all thesame. .”
“I hope you realise that some of us aren’t. ..” I tell her,
“You know what, time is all i have. I am patient. .very . So whenever you want to talk, I would be here, waiting with a gun to shoot his balls when ever you decide to tell me who the fxxker is that tried to lay a hand on you. You best believe that I don’t forgive easily … So its late, you get some sleep okay?” I tell her , as I turn her and lay her back on the bed, I get up as she covers herself with her hands, I saw embarrassment wash over her, she avoided my eyes..
I stand facing her..
“You should put some cloths on”
She didn’t move, the cloths had somehow fallen to the side of the bed.
“I would be in the palour Amara, goodnight ” I turn away,
“Help me with it, please ” came her whisper, I stop, turning. I walk back towards the bed, picking up the shirt and juggers,
She didn’t move,
“Or do you want me to help you with it? I mean I have practically seen you naked like twice already..I mean what’s left to see..” I smiled ..
I was joking..really I was.
But then she left the bed, came forward and stood infront of me.
Where did this boldness come from.
She raises up her hands, and she was staring at me. A few seconds ago, Bruno junior had deflated ..but he seemed to have noticed the nearness of her because he jerked back up..
I took the shirt and dropped it through her hands, over her head and over her body, my hands brushing against her bosom briefly.. I swore under my breath. . She didn’t stop staring at me.
I bent grabbing the juggers , with difficultly because Bruno junior seemed to have grown bigger than normal , I was below her navel, right infront of her essence,
Don’t look Bruno. Don’t.
I closed my eyes tightly and touched her legs, waiting for her to raise them so could wear her the juggers and she did, while I took it up over her knees, her thighs and to her waist. .lingering there just briefly… any longer I would have caved. I tightened the roped and let my hands drop, stepping back I opened my eyes.
“There, all done”
I followed her eyes as they rested on me, then to mini-me, I looked down at myself.
I swear Bruno the hammer suddenly felt like he had a twin .. the pain was twice and the throbbing almost made my legs weak.
“Pay him no mind. He likes to embarrass me infont of a pretty lady”
Did I see her smile?.or that was a figment of my imagination. .
“Goodnight Ama, ” I leave before i change my mind and forget all I just said..
Maybe, just maybe he was different. .
Amara thought to herself as she laid on the bed..
But then the tears came gushing out, and she shook with every one
She was just about to give her virginity up to Bruno just because she was tired of fighting men like him off. .like junior who just wanted her. Like Bruno because that’s what junior said..
And yet, and yet he didn’t touch her .. but shame washed over her, pain, anger and sadness and then… relief. .
“What do you of me honestly? ” he had asked her
“I see you differently now” she whispered just before she fell into a deep sleep
She woke up, having been used to waking up early and realising with a start that she wasn’t in her small house. But at Bruno’s.
She got up dressing the bed and rushed to take a shower , and puts on her cloths. It was 5:30 am. She could go home.
She opens the door to find Bruno sleeping on the chair, she stares down at him briefly, then her tummy sang. She moved quickly away hoping the noise doesn’t wake him up and heads to the direction of where she figured was his kitchen..
It was empty save for raw rice and a few condiments for cooking. It took a second for her to decide and then she set about cooking. It would be another hour or two before she could leave her and get home..she was hungry .
She was used to making do with what they had at home so it wasn’t surprising when she food tasted okay. She dished into a plate, and brought the spoon to her mouth..then pauses.
Maybe she should go ask him if he would eat . It was 7am already, isn’t he going to work?
He hadn’t moved from the position he was in, he seemed peaceful, face upwards, hands over his eyes, shirtless and he still wore his boxers.
She bent to tap him awake , or to shake him up but she freezes midair. .
She had never ever allowed herself to look at him, to really look at him..
His chest was smooth, no hairs as his chest rose and collapses as he breathed in and out, his bods showing that he worked out some, her flat tummy stretching down to his boxer line, and every other thing hidden after that.
His other hand over himself, as though protecting him or keeping his little man in check.
She blushed, her face felt hot when she remembered how he looked, hidden behind the shorts..she had never seen –
She turned pink. .she blinked staring at his face. .his smooth jaw, fine chiselled nose. She wondered what the colour of his eyes were..
Then her eyes rested on his lips..
She had always wondered what it would feel like to be kissed, really kissed like in the movies and in those romantic books she read.
What would it feel like if Bruno kissed her?..
Stop it Amara. Are you crazy.. what thoughts are you having now?? She blinks
But…I wonder if they are soft , she leaned close into his face, staring .. reaching out to touch him ..her ginger close to his lips , close nose, closer
“You know I don’t bite, but I wonder what you are trying to do” I stare at her , puzzled she jumps backwards with a tiny yelp hitting her buttocks to the ground
I busted out laughing. .as I rush to her pulling her up
“Am sorry, didn’t mean to startle you but what were you about to do?” A raised eyebrow
“I erm -I -I wanted to ask if you were hungry. I was and made rice with the little I saw there. I am sorry, it was still dark and …I am sorry ” she says
My tummy choose to sing a ballad
“For real, been together one day and you already cooking me breakfast. Did I forget to give you a ring?”
Did i see another smile. Yes!! That’s a definite smile.
“Yes I would eat. After I take a shower and prepare for work. ” I tell her looking at the clock behind her,
“Thank you!” I say over my shoulders as I rush into the room.
I was done in fifteen minutes, ran into the kitchen and dished a good amount into my plate and was done within minutes. She sat there watching me silently. I wanted to sit and talk to her but I was late..
“Promise me you won’t leave till your mother is home “? I pleaded
“Amara, please.” She nodded.
‘Here is the spare key, I thought I lost it. I would hold on to the one in the door, if I come home and you aren’t here I would assume you are home and I would come check on you to make sure you aren’t alone and if you are, I would throw you over my shoulders and bring you back home with me, and I am not even remotely joking.” I was at the door
“Let your mother be home before you leave”
I wanted to stay back but I had to leave.
“Here, hold on to this ” I gave her money for transport and a little extra and I left. I was going to get a query at the office no doubt.
“So how was that little slut you threw me out for?” NG breathed down my neck. The office was full, colleagues going about their duties.
Boss had let me off with a stern warning, I wasn’t in the mood. So I ignored her
“Was she worth it eh? Was she? Did she make you go crazy? Is that why you don’t want me? Do you know I can change your life with just one night? That inexperienced girl is who our mighty Bruno dey para for. Look let me tell you, I won’t give you up for anyone other than me so you better know. You can think-
“Are you done, because I am trying to work here” I cut her off, picking up my files and I walk away from her to the next cubicle.
She cursed hitting the table, when a couple of eyes turn to her she smiles, laughing
“Damn insects. Sorry” she mutters hitting the table again and walking off to her seat.
“Where you dey go?” Junior askes Timothy, who had dressed up and heading out
“Am I a prisoner in my house? Am going for a stroll. Besides I thought you are leaving today?”
“No news yet man!! Another day abeg..” Junior states, Timothy gives him a half smile, turns and leaves.
An hour later he stands infront of a door and knocks.
He had been fighting within him, turning back and turning back and turning back again.. untill he closed the distance and reached the door.
His conscience pricking him, he knocks again and waited then he heard footsteps
He has to tell Bruno, someone is dead, he didn’t want to be an accomplist to murder. He didn’t want it. Junior killed a girl and he couldn’t keep quiet any longer. .
Knock knock knock!!!
The door opens up to reveal a beautiful fair skinned girl, ..who was she?
“Hello Goodmorning, I am looking for Bruno, is he around?”
“No!” She shakes her head.. “work”
“Okay. Please who are you..are you his friend. ? ” she was pretty. Too pretty.. and young.. early twenties maybe or late teens.
She hesitated then shakes her head..
“My name is Timothy, Bruno’s old time friend from school. When he comes back please tell him I came around looking for him, have to tell him something important. Okay?”
“Whats your name?” Out of curiosity he asked
“I told you mine ” he shrugged. She seemed nice..
She hesitated again, and Relunctantly let out a sigh
‘I’ll be damned!” He whispered
Amara is alife. Bruno’s Amara is fxxking alife..
He began laughing..
Now Junior can leave his house and disappear into oblivion.
“I’ll be damned” he repeated again.
His phone began to ring, he looks at the caller.. speak of the devil.