Sometimes I wondered if life was a joker, sitting down , with a smile on his face, placing bread crumbs on our parts, taking away the sweets and replacing them with the tease.
Throwing hurdles and gigging as we stumble against one obstacle or the other, giving us tiny rewards when we sail pass.
I wonder what games life is playing on me now..
First teasing me, mentally captivating me in dreams of her, making me want, thirst, desire, and then watching me fight my urges, causing me to see beyond the physicality of what a woman possesses, showing me how I can appreciate a woman, want her without thinking entirely on what her warmth feels like.
Life is joker, a tease, a player…
I mean, why would it let me be here, right here with Amara, I fight the urges , winning the battles, acclaiming myself the better man, as I walk away. Victory !!!!!! And I had no regrets. None.
Just when I was sure that nothing life throws at me again would make me stumble and bring me to my knees, …it gives me Amara, sweet beautiful Amara, the orange seller who have somehow changed the course of my life without her knowing, who have made me change without me realising it, who had made me realise that, there is more to beautiful. ..to a woman, to her.
Now, standing here infront of me… she was killing me in a thousand ways without her knowing it.
I mean, how can it be that a girl as beautiful as her, comely, reserved, too blessed for her young self hasn’t had the pleasure of being kissed.
Was there anyone out there who hasn’t been soiled with the wild oats of a man with raging hormones.
Yes she looked innocent but even the innocents have had the pleasure of ..letting some certain things happen. Right?
“I haven’t been –kissed before ” her lashes covering her eyes, showing embarrassment, shyness as her words fail her, ..
“Just kiss me ..Bruno, please. I really want to, this has nothing to do with, what happened yesterday and I am not saying it because of it.. I just..I haven’t been.. I just want to be…. ” she trails off, playing with her hands, she bites her lower lips, .
Holding her face up with my index finger, she closes her eyes, waiting. . I licked my lips, staring at hers; so soft, full, and slightly parted..
You have no idea what you do to me. I have no idea what you do to me either.
And strangely enough my thoughts aren’t clouded with, ramming through her, having her and then disappearing the next day. That wasn’t me anymore. . I don’t want to soil my thoughts with things I used to do, not with her, never with her..
I love the fact that…though I can desire like a man, but now I can curb my feelings and emotions and rein them in, secure it and walk out with my heads held up high.
But sometimes , we too can be weak, especially when the other desires it, wholeheartedly… like this kiss..
“I haven’t been…” I hear her voice again..
I have been holding her face up for a full minute, deciding.. controlling. ..waiting…
“What if I can’t stop kissing you Amara , if I start?” … a man can only hold down his emotions for so long.
“Would you stop me, can you stop me?” My eyes had opened, she slowly opens hers..
What if I am not able to stop myself. I ask myself .
“Yes”.. she whispers.
What are you doing Amara?.. she ignores her thoughts. Just one kiss.. I just want a kiss..know what it feels like. Just one. She swallowed.
I smile, “okay. ”
She was leaning against the wall, the space between us was too tiny for anything to pass, I touch her face briefly, rubbing my thumb against her skin.
It was soft, .. sighing I brush her lips slightly with my thumb again, she lowers her eyes to her mouth , to my hands and back up my face..
“What does that feel like?”
“Erm…I dunno. Just a brush ” she said.
I was stalling. I knew I was. I wanted her first kiss to be perfect, and I didn’t know how to make it perfect. Heck I didn’t know how to do what I wanted to do, but I wanted it to be perfect, ..
While I hold her gaze, I leaned in, closing my eyes ever so slowly , as though scared to hurt, raising her face with my index finger, before I reached her lips, I felt her swallow, I saw her eyes close and then her hands folded into a fist. .
I touched her lips with mine. it felt softer than it looked. At first it was a shy kiss; a tiny brush, a peck.. then I withdraw. .
“Warmth” she whispered.. her eyes closed..
“Okay, .. how about this?”
I lean in again, brushing my lips with hers, I trail my tongue over her lower lips, then the upper lips, then I sucked on them, ..
“Open up for me Amara..”
I whispered .. then she did, without breaking I kiss her, kneading, winning and without warning her lips began to move, meeting me halfway, letting me drink from her, I savoured her lips that tasted like honey, like chocolate and strawberry. It was a different kind of sweet that was a mixture in everything sugary. .
There was a sigh. Was it from me or from her.. I couldn’t tell. It felt…different kissing her. It felt safe, it felt new, it felt heavenly. ..
Kissing her felt like I was on a new high, flying above the water, soaring underneath the heavens..
I didn’t know how long we stood there, kissing, just kissing.. I trail her lips, interlock her tongue, she was learning. .she was learning really fast because she did it to me.. and without warning. .. she bites my lower lips..
“Oh shit”!! I exclaimed..
“Am sorry . .. am.so sorry ..I didn’t mean to I just..I dunno ..why I did that ” she pulls away, her eyes remorseful as her hands rises to her mouth…as though protecting her teeth from doing more harm…
I laugh, she had no idea how it felt like a spark running through my body. I liked it.
“No no.. far from it.. ” I remove her hands away from her mouth , leaning and capturing her lips again..
I felt incomplete without being close to her.
“I like it..” I whispered kissing her so passionately. . I felt her smile. .then she bites me again..
If she keeps doing that…I may not be responsible for my next actions…
I felt her hands lay up flat on my chest..
“You are breathing so hard..”
She whispers into my mouth… I knew I was. I needed to stop kissing her…
Stop me Amara, my head screamed. But my body, my body leaned in even closer..pressing against her..
What was worse, she was kissing me right back, like a pro.
Stop me Amara, please..
“Bruno. ..” I heard her tiny whisper. .but her lips doesn’t stop moving. Now it was me who folded my hands into a fist to stop it from gathering her into my arms and maybe moving to a more comfortable stance..
“Bruno “.. again I heard it. Slowly , slowly ..I kiss her lips one last time.. then her cheeks, sighing I kiss her forehead..and just for emphasis I kiss her nose
Then the laughter began.. it lasted for a few seconds but it was divine. Refreshing…
I step back.. took a deep breath to control myself..
“So,..student. how was your first kissing class. What did you learn? ”
The shyness again.. then she looks at me straight in the eyes..
“Well, it could have been better but…you are not so bad. I would give you a C. ” she says, tapping her ginger to her jaw, scrutinising me
My hands flew to my chest, I staggered..
“Oh such disgrace. Such blasphemy! !!! How very unprofessional. I should try again. . They say if you fail you should try again so how about another session….” I wink at her, stepping closer
Yeah, I wanted to.
But she pushes me away, and runs into the bedroom laughing…
I don’t follow her, instead i fall back into my chair, hands behind my head with a stupid smile on my face.
I just kissed Amara and I liked it. I liked it very much.
I close my eyes and let the scene replay itself.
Slowly, sleep comes.
Amara stands behind the closed door, her heart beating very fast, her knees almost giving away, she pushes herself from the door and lays on the bed.
“I was just kissed…” she didn’t believe it.
“Bruno kissed me and…and….” the blush rose high on her chicks.. she buries her face into her hands..
“I liked it. ” she touches her lips, closing her eyes..remembering the way his lips felt, how she followed every movement he did, pace by pace, urgency by urgency until without thinking she bites him…at first she was scared she hurt him but no… he liked it.
“Gosh Amara what the hell is wrong with you. One minute you hate the guy, hate everything about him and think him the devil. The next you are giving yourself to him because you were tired of junior harassing you and you were tired. He tells you no, walks away. Yes you respect him but now, now you are kissing him? ” she talks to herself..
“But…. I really wanted to be kissed..and …my God he is such a wonderful kisser”..
How would you know. You haven’t been kissed before. Her conscience pricks her.
“OK. .but I think if I were to kiss another, he still would be the best kisser ” she touches her lips again, looking at the door. .
Wishing she hadn’t run away, wishing she could let him kiss her again..
She liked it. She liked it very much. And her heart hadn’t stop beating.
She laid on the bed, curled up…and thinks about his lingering lips on hers..
In the process she drifts into a peaceful sleep.
I was whistling a happy tune. She was still sleeping when I opened the door. She wasn’t answering when I knocked, I figured she was still asleep.
I rushed a shower and got dressed . She hadn’t moved , I wondered if I should wake her up. I needed to get to work..
“Amara? Amara?” She didn’t answer, maybe she was exhausted.
I open my wallet, dropping some money on the table, taking a pen in dropped a note.
I hoped she would be here when I get back.. I knew her mother would return this morning but for some twisted reason I wish she had more births to attend to. I was reluctant to let her go.. but if wishes were horses right?
Staring down at her, without thinking I lean in and place a kiss to her forehead.
“what’s making you whistle so excitedly this morning?” Ngozi came up behind me as I photocopied some files. .
I ignore her, I whistled loudly..
“Bruno, ? Baby can we talk. Look am sorry about yesterday but ..I really ..really wanted to you know. I mean how can you let a starved horny girl walk away like that eh?” She touches my hands, squeezing
I don’t talk to her, there were a few people about, someone winks at me from the corner of his cubicle, I catch a few stares..
Shaking my head I knew they would have concluded that I and Ngozi were already hitting the sag and banging two ways to Sundays. I knew they must have seen her enter the men’s toilet yesterday and watched me come out arranging myself, and maybe they saw her come out inside and assumed we had a quickie.. I shake my head again.
“Baby” she cues
I remove her hand away from mine..
“Stop it Ngozi. .just stop. ” I say over my shoulders.
I was having a a good day, in fact I had the bestest last night. I don’t want to ever forget kissing Amara… I don’t need some Deliliah to ruin my reminiscing. .
“You know I ain’t going to stop right? I mean there are some things that’s just not possibly. .”
“You going to grow some grays then. Have fun” I was done photocopying, I sidestep away from her and go to me desk.
Sitting down I flip throw my files, pen in hand, pad open I began to click. It wasn’t up to five minutes when I realised what I had typed. That’s because Tom had come up beside me, wanting to gossip maybe..
“.. I kissed her. ” “Amara ” “Sweet Amara” he says, looking at me with a puzzle expression, he nudges me , bringing me out of my day dream..
“Yo Bruno, who is Amara that you kissed ”
“Wait what?” I was startled, staring at him. How the Fxxk did he know about that. .
He points to the computer screen..
My eyes darted quickly to the screen and I see it .
‘Shit! I muttered , I highlight and delete..
“Lover man. Yesterday you were with NG inside the toilet doing the do. Today you are kissing…Amara. I wonder who is next.. dude I like your parols oh. .teach a brother. Help with the ministry so it moves to the permanent site na. Wida you?”
Bruno , weaks or months ago would have taken it like a compliment bit Bruno now felt disgusted.
“Point of correction and for clarity sake. I ain’t doing shit with NG. And for Amara, none of your business’
“Dude relax na we guys I know. I know how many boys have dipped in hay ocean. Even me too. So it’s okay. Just teach me the scope na. I hear you were the baddest Baddo that year in school. ”
“Again.. NG and I have nothing. But am glad you know her quite well. But am not like that….well not anymore so I won’t even think to do her”
“Bruno Bruno! ! He hails.
What was the point. No one would believe me. Especially with my bad track record. Who the Fxxk spilled.
I raise my eyes up to see NG fumming at the corner. I knew she heard our conversation. . Especially about what he read out about me kissing Amara..
She didn’t look too happy. I didn’t care.
“NG and I would never have anything together. She knows that..I know that. ..and whoever wants to know should know that. I have a girl..and real guys needs just now” I was loud enough for her to hear and for others eavesdropping. .
“If you don’t mind I need to get back to work. Tom” I say, he laughs shaking his head and leaves me ..
I wondered if she had gone home yet.
It was 3pm.
“Where you dey go?” Timothy eyes him as junior grabs his back
“I dey go my house now. Weitin? ” junior looks at him. Something was definitely up with Timothy. He couldn’t wait to kick him out of his house now he was acting as though he didn’t want to leave
“Stay the weekend na. It’s already Friday, leave on Sunday or Monday.” Timothy gets up and takes his bag
He hadn’t still told him he saw Amara at Bruno’s . He didn’t want to tell him not just yet. He was secretly hoping that. ..just maybe. Maybe Bruno and Amara needs time to…get to know themselves. Junior thinks she is dead and he had killed her and is hiding away so no one pinpoints him. Which is good, good for Amara who deserves some peace from junior harassing her.
“Dude leave my bag” junior grabs it back.
“No news yet. Maybe it’s died down and no one knows shit . It means am free. I need to get back to my life mehn. Thanks for your help, you own me no more debts.”
“I am glad. But still, chill. Relax. Let’s go out tonight to celebrate your narrow escape yes?”
“Timothy…is there something I should know?”
“No” he didn’t miss a beat. He grabs his bag again and throws it by the corner, relax. Don’t go”. He sits down and hands him a beer..
‘Okay, tomorrow then. But I dey come, let me take a stroll. See the area.. scope some girls. My nuts are on fire…need the release” he grabs his junior.
“Yeah whatever. !! ” Timothy grabs the remote and turns it to Sports.
Junior leaves the house, taking random turns, stopping to buy groundnut and banana. Talking to the girls selling beer at the kiosks.
Then he remembered. .
“That’s true oh, Bruno has been calling me, maybe I should go pay him a visit and tell him I had been our of town with Timothy and some made up shits like that. “.. he stops the nearest okada looking at his phone..
He knew where Bruno drops his keys, he might just chill there for awhile before he comes back from work and they would go grab a beer together. If he is sulking over the death of Amara, the better. He could watch him and laugh in his face by giving him a shoulder to cry on.
At least no one got her. He was pleased.
He was a few minutes from Bruno’s house
She had been awake , as soon as she heard him come into the room she had pretended to be asleep.
She didn’t want to face him yet, she was shy.
“Gone to work, hope you had a gone dream. Left some money in case you need to get some food and go home. Call me..please when you do.
She read the letter again. He had kissed her forehead before leaving, she found herself smiling.
Amara had gotten plantain and she made plantain porridge. .he seemed to like it at mama basira’s
After eating she had called, her mother told her she was coming back in another hour.
When she is about to leave. .she would call Bruno. .
Then she saw a shadow before she heard him fiddle with the door..
“Bruno doesn’t come back from work by this time ” she goes to door
“Who is there?” She calls out!!
“Amara?” The voice replies..in shock! !!