#MAY31 #STORY 10$11 •505 $ •VOICES IN MY HEAD

#31MAY #MAY31




Story 10) –
You woke up with a start, hearing the water sound coming from the kitchen, drip-drop, drip-drip-drop, as though someone forgot to completely turn off the tap in the kitchen.
You look at the time.
But you were the last person in the kitchen, you had tightened the nuzzle as you washed the dishes as everyone left, they had come to pay you a consolation visit.
Infact, you are the only person in the house.
But the sound was making it difficult for you to go back to sleep. The house was quiet, it was dark because all the lights were off,  you never liked to sleep with the lights on, ever since you were a child.
Drip –drop, drip-drip-drop
Your eyes go to clock again, but you notice something, it had stopped, 5:05 it says, but the last time you checked, it was 10 minutes ago.
You sigh getting up, maybe you forgot to close the tap afterall, with everything that had happened within the past one week, being abit forgetful and out of touch was understandable.

You go to the kitchen, stepping out of your room and to the hall way, you pass your spacious living room where a picture is placed at the center, a white cloth used to place over the table, and a candle that has been burning in a saucer as per tradition had burned out during the night. You would have to replace it.
You are in the kitchen and indeed, the tap isn’t clocked, you do so, opening the fridge to get a bottle of water , drinking it, then you turn and leave the kitchen.
Reaching your room you search for spare batteries in your drawer, you always kept spares. you change the batteries in the clock and then hang it back, you hate when you can’t tell the time.
The clock began to tick-tock-tick tock,  the hands of the clock begins to move, the one that goes round does so, you watch it to make sure it was moving and that the battery is working finally, it is five minutes more added to the 5:05, now its 5:10. you sigh, closing your eyes you drift off to sleep.
Drop-drop-trip-drop !!!!!!!
Your eyes shoots open, “What in the world?”” you exclaim, you reach for your bed side lamp and put it on, sitting up in your bed, 

You are not scared , not yet..
Until you turn getting up, and your eyes catches the clock again, it is 5:05

You frown, didn’t you just change the batteries? And wasn’t the clocking moving, it was right?
And you did put off the tap in the kitchen, right?”’
Then what in the world?
No you aren’t scared.. you aren’t. so you get up, walking to the kitchen, it is dripping alright. You bend low checking if something was leaking, nothing.
You turn the nuzzle of the tap, you make it tighter, really really tight and then you fold your hands and watch it.
Maybe it was loose, maybe.

You check again, place your hands under the tap.
Not a drop. Not a single tiny drop.

Sighing and frowning even more, you put off the lights and go to bed

Then you look at the clock, and then you change the batteries again.. telling yourself to go by the store in the morning to complain about their damn batteries that stops immediately it is being used.

Now you don’t close your eyes, you don’t fall asleep..you stay awake.

No you aren’t scared, why should you be.
Slowly you drift off to sleep.
It is morning, not having so much to do as before, when you would dance round the house with your better half, build the nursery as your child is on the way, then drive to school, because you were a grade one teacher of English.
But ever since that happened, they had given you a couple of days off, someone had helped to clear out your nursery, and given all your baby things away. Then they had helped you give out his cloths, trying to remove all that reminded you of him,..
You wanted to keep it all, you wanted to continue perceiving his cologne, feel his arms around you when you wear his cloths, you wanted to keep it all.
But the doctor says you need to let it go, it wasn’t good for you. You need to heal, by detaching yourself so you don’t have another nervous hysterical breakdown.
But it doesn’t matter, he was in your heart, and so was your unborn child .

He had been so happy when he found out you were pregnant.. he had been over the moon, you both had picked everything, not knowing if it’s going to be girl or a boy, it didn’t matter, he wanted to have both, maybe it might be twins, who knows.
He had the money, so he was going to buy it all, so blue and pink you both picked,  Barbie dolls and car toys, skirts and shorts..nothing was too much.
Then you both had set up the nursery..
“Don’t you think it’s too soon?” your friends asked
“Nah!! We want to be prepared, we don’t want to be caught unawares”
“Okay so what if it’s a girl, what’s going to happen to the cloths and toys of the boys?”
“Well, we intend to get pregnant again so it’s fine”
“Yeah you are right, we should just get unisex, that would be much better”
They roll their eyes but you don’t care, neither does he
You both are happy, that was all that matters
But, that happiness was shortlived.

Sighing you leave the house, you can’t stay in forever.
It’s been a week since he was put in the ground, it’s been a week since the blood leaked out from between your legs when you found out and then slumped , stumbling down the stairs, not stopping till you hit the hard earth ..
“My baby..my baby” you cried as you held your stomach, as those people in white uniforms and wires with cold round steels around their necks wheeled you into a much whiter room, covering your nose and sedating you to calm down.
But it was the sadness in his eyes, when he stares down at you, and the way he patted your hands that made you understand that..your child; girl, boy, or twins was gone.
“We did all that we could, I am sorry” he told you
But you don’t say anything, you turn away and wailed into your pillow

But that wasn’t all, because they needed you to identify his body, they take you to him, your better half, and as soon as they removed the white cloth over him, that once smiling face, that once deep blue eyes, that once handsome man was reduced to a rumpled skin, distorted face, a number of delicate features missing ..

But you know he is the one, you have known him all your life, you have loved him as much as you could remember, and he had been your forever ever since you said “I Do”

So it didn’t matter that you couldn’t recognize his face, your heart recognized the love you both shared

So when you crunched low, when your voice reaches the windows, it takes strong hands to restrain you, it takes stronger drugs to knock you down, and keeping you away from yourself for two days kept you alife.
“Time is the best healer’’ they told you
“Time can’t heal this, nothing can.
 Nothing can” you say, because you know
You stand by, wearing black, and shades to cover your eyes, with people wearing same, shedding tears stand about you, some give you support with their hands, their shoulders , their words and even their silence.
But it wasn’t theirs that kills you. It was His silence, his voice which you would never hear anymore.
It’s was her/he/their silence which you would never feel anymore, you rub your empty stomach.
You feel empty in your chest, even in the room full of people as they come to hug and kiss you, telling you words of comfort, dropping food for your tummy, giving things hoping that you don’t lack, not for the next couple of days, maybe weeks.
Your don’t pay attention, you stack them into the fridge , clearing the tables and plates, refusing anyone to stay back to help you, you are okay you tell them, you are fine really, when they insists.
In reality , you are not fine, not at all. You are broken, you are broken, you feel dead, you feel as though you should die and end it all too.
You tried that, in the clinic and afterwards in the backyard.. but then they had kept people to watch you, follow you, like cats they sneaked up on you, like thieves they stole away any weapon that would cause you to inflict pain on yourself.
Until you realize that you had to live, live for them, live for yourself. Because they would want you to.

And so with a smile and a nod of your head, you had hugged them good bye, you had waved them too, then you had gone into your living room, to the center place where His picture was placed, where your unborn baby’s picture was placed too, the picture gotten from your first scan.
They were your world, without them, you were nothing.
So you had cried your heart out, wishing they could come back, wishing they could , or that time would go back and you would stop him from living the house, you wish that time would go back so that you can tell him how much you loved him, you wish that time could go back so that you wouldn’t have called him that day, that minute and that moment, and then he  wouldn’t have been hit, swerving off the road, and dying as soon as his car summersaults a couple of times, and another truck coming crushes him still.
You would never forgive yourself, and as though nature wanted to punish you, it takes away the only other part of him you carry..
Ridding you of your love and both your loves, shared in this house, conceived within this walls. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. This wasn’t how it was supposed to end. It was supposed to be in sickness and in health, through the good and bad, till death and even if they were immortal, it was supposed to be forever and a day more…with their children.
Now..it’s you. Just you. 
So you cry and cry, until your shells are empty of its water, until your body is weak, until you are spent. 

Then, like a zombie you go through the house, waking up, sleeping, barely eating, barely showering, barely even living.
It’s a week now…and for the first time in a while, you manage to sleep..

But that damn tap in the kitchen woke  you up, twice already today. You sigh.

You would call the plumber if it happens again, maybe the tap needs to be changed.
“Ma’am, is that all ?’’ the cashier who is standing infront of you asks you,  disrupting your thoughts

“No, I need batteries, clock batteries, apparently the one I bought here Is bad, my clock keeps stopping”

“we are sorry about that ma’am, finger batteries?”
She reaches behind her and hands me the batteries 
“Sure this is original?’’
“What’s my charge?”
“500bucks” she tells me
You feel like  you want mint in your mouth, you pick a pack of it “And this?’
“5bucks” she says, adding it “505 bucks” she says to me, I give her the money, she gives me my change.

I leave.
I have nothing much to do other than to drive around, but seeing people happy,  seeing a family complete upsets you, so you isolate yourself, being alone is better.
You sit under the tree, wishing for miracles 
That is when you see it,
You are curious , then you follow the arrow, the crosses and then the dark walls , and the stars and moon dangling from the ceiling, you enter into a dark room, where the only light is a glow from a cup, where a candle is burning.
Someone had just left the room, they were two, holding hands, their eyes sparkling . 
Then you remember, you had seen them earlier, crying ..they seemed lost and broken like you. But not anymore…
There is someone behind the chair , you walk around so you can see her face.
You see her face but not her eyes, you see her smile but not her teeths, you see her but she ..doesn’t look like anything you have ever seen. She looked …peaceful, even in her incompleteness.
You should be scared, you should be but you are not
She wanted to know why you have came, you wanted to know why she had no eyes. She tells you they were taken away from her when she was a child, you asked her why, she told you because the things she saw made others wary of her, and then one day, when everything she saw came to pass, she had removed her eyes, because the last one, was her mother dangling from the tree, and her father, pressed by a car. 
She said she didn’t want to see anymore and had hoped that it would stop. But it became worse, now she saw the ones who didn’t have a beating heart and help them make contact with their family who had and also had eyes.
You didn’t know what she meant. You say you made a mistake to come here, you make to leave
And she asks if you are sure, you reply with a nod
“Then why do you look so sad?”
“But how do you know without eyes”
“I sense your pain, I feel them, like heat I feel it, what have made your heart sad…who have you lost?”
“My husband, my child” You cry, infront of her you cry
“Do you, do you want to see them, do you want them back, seek and you shall find, believe and you shall receive”
“I don’t understand “
“come here..give me your hands, breath, remember, want, desire, hope, seek, believe, see” she tells you
“I don’t understand “
The candle, hidden within the cup, with no air passing through suddenly dances…
“Do you want back what was taken from you?”
You look at her, suddenly fear grips you, but then again, your broken heart speaks “Yes, more than anything”
“Then desire, want, seek, hope, believe, receive him , them back, close your eyes and remember, remember the last time, the last conversation..everything ..when was the last time?’’
“A week..ago”
“I don’t rememeber”
“Rememeber” she says,
You close your eyes, you had just come out from class, and you wanted to call him to come pick you up for your doctor’s appointment,  your car had broken down, it was..it was 

“ 4..or 5 . I made the call a few minutes past five”
“Good..good…close your eyes and make that same call in your mind, hear his voice, bring him back, bring them back”
It lasted for an hour, you admit you felt a sudden peace wash over you, you felt lighter, better. Then the candle goes off and then comes back on immediately.
Then she lets you go,”They are safe, they are home, safe. At peace, where they belong” she tells you “Go, be free, go believe..go . SEEK AND YOU SHALL FIND, SEE.WHAT’S BEEN RIGHT INFRONT OF YOU EVER SINCE, IT NEVER TRULLY WENT, YOU JUST HAVE TO SEE.”
 You leave, happy, really happy. You didn’t see him nor them, but somehow, that peace takes you home

And then once you got home, you forgot all about it.
She was a crazy person, taking advantage of your weakness, and your money.
You forget it, and her.
Going about the house like before, doing nothing, counting the days you would return back to the world , with people, back to your life maybe, maybe back to teaching so you don’t lose your sanity.
It’s a fifth night now, you take a shower, you put off the lights and climb to bed.. tomorrow, tomorrow you get to continue living.

You fall asleep.
Drip!! Drop!! Drip!! Drop!!
Your eyes shoots open again.
You put on your bedside lamp, and get up from the bed.. you turn and face the wall,
The clock is saying 5:05
You go to the kitchen , now it is starting to creep you out.. you don’t walk fast, you walk slowly, grabbing a baseball bat from the wardrobe you tiptoe into your kitchen..
Drip!! Drop!!! Dripity-drop!!
“Who is there, who is there, I am holding a very dangerous weapon, I will harm you, who is there??’’ you scream.
Drip-drop Drip Drop DROP

You can see someone there now, in the dark , close to the sink, you can see him there.
You reach for the socket and turn on the lights, you want to hit him, 

And then he turns..
Even if your eyes won’t be able to recognize his face, broken, contorted, bloody. Your heart would be able to, because you have loved him from the day one, as long as you could remember
“Richard!!’’ you exclaim, fear gripping you as you drop the bat and shift back..
He turns to you completely, his hands bloody..but something that looked like a beating heart in his hands,,
“you see me Vicky, you see us, finally you see us, I kept trying to tell you that I was here but you never saw me, I kept playing with the tap, the way I used to, I then stopped the clock, hoping you would understand , it was about 5 minutes past 5 when it happened, do you remember, but I have been here, we have been here waiting for you to see us but it doesn’t matter now, you can see us now…that’s all that matters Vicky …we came back for you, our baby and me, we came back for you’’ he says coming towards you, blood dripping from his hands, and from his destroyed face and  crushed body.
Then you begin to scream and scream and scream
You wake up, 

It was a dream. You are sweating .. you are scared

But it was all a dream.

That nightmare was all a dream. You wipe the sweats off your forehead with your hands.
But then your heart aches, the pain still evident, the loss strong.
He is gone. Your baby is gone. They were lost to the living, dead and gone. 

 That was real.
That wasn’t a dream.
You slid back into your bed..you reach on your left , you pick your watch to check the time.
It is …..
You feel someone turn on your side…
You turn abruptly , and stare into the face of your dead husband, and the bloody hands he reaches infront of you..
“We are here Vicky, and we would  be together forever …you and us”
You continue to scream
The End.
•#Voices in my head
I hear voices in my head, they speak to me, they tell me, they direct me and make me do things.
I hear voices in my head, telling me to make it stop, to make it stop.
Most times I hold my head in my hands and hide inside mamma’s walk in closet, sometimes it is quiet in there.
But other times it’s where the voices become louder, clearer.
I remember when it started, I was five years old, grandpa had come visiting .  Grandpa was old and weak, grandpa used a walking stick, and he likes to hit it to the ground when he walks . it makes that 

“tap tap tap sound” and then he would wriggle as though he is about to fall, then he would cough and beckon to me for support.
See, they didn’t like grandpa and when I asked them why they told me that, he reminded them of their uncle bart .
Uncle Bart used to make funny sounds when he sleeps. I had laughed at the time, why they hated their uncle bart just because he snores.
But when they had made me put my finger to the pin, drawing blood, I had cried.
So I followed Grandpa, as they told me too, I had held his hand as they told me too, and we walked around the compound because walking was exercise and good for his health.
And then when they told  me to push him, I didn’t want to.

But tom, mike and Belinda, they stood behind me, sometimes when I don’t want to do what they want  me to, they come by themselves and make me.
Grandpa was standing, talking to me about history , about the weather and asking me what I wanted to become, but I didn’t answer him, because before us was the pool, and grandpa didn’t know how to swim.
“push him” they said
“But grandpa doesn’t know how to swim ..” I cried
“If he doesn’t go in , you will’
“That’s fine, I can swim”
“Who says anything about letting you swim’’ they nudge me forward, again and again and again until I was only a few feets away from grandpa, he was facing the pool.
“Push him stephen’’ they echo, back in my head
I close my eyes, stretch my hands forward and push grandpa.. I saw him struggle as he went underwater, I saw him raise his stick and let it go, I saw him fighting for breaths, I run and reach for him, but they..they hold me down, they laugh at him, they sneer at me… they hold me down and then they push me forward.
“Look at him, look at him…tell us if you are not happy he would be gone, didn’t you say you didn’t like grandpa because he scolded you once, didn’t you say you didn’t like him when he threatened to take you away from your mum when you misbehaved..look at him now, he is gone..arent you happy??”
And then I remember and smile, truly Grandpa was a pain..and so they let me go, I watch him stop struggling.

I go back into the house and tell mum

Grandpa was buried a week later

But you see the voices in my head, they don’t stop, they speak, they make me do things.
Aunty Meg had come with her new boyfriend, we had been playing basketball , he was a good sport, so good I wanted to keep him.
But they didn’t like Uncle Max,

And so when we both went shopping, not so far from the house, I kicked my ball into the road and went to pick it, I saw the car coming, I pick it and stand…I wait
Uncle Max turns and sees me, he turns and sees the car, the car doesn’t see us, or rather the driver was drunk, he was drinking as he pulled the corner. I see him, I don’t move, I start to cry
Uncle Max runs, he runs , crossing the road to push me off, but he is crushed under the car. 
I walk home.
He is buried a week later
I hear those voices still, it is getting louder..they are getting more excited.. and me, me? Their will is mine..
My little baby brother is here, mother dotes on him, father adores him.. I hold his hands and I smile
Finally I have someone to play with, someone to look up to me and love me

But he begins to cry, at night, and they hate noises, they do.
I close my ears, I didn’t want them to hear him,

But they do, they see, they hear, this voices in my head, they speak to me, they make me do things

But I wanted to keep him, I wanted to keep my baby brother

But they wanted the noise to stop, they wanted him to stop.
So I went in to the room, looking down into his baby bed
“SSSssshhh please stop, please stop crying” I begged
But junior, junior doesn’t listen
“Make it stop, make it stop” they say
I carry the pillow, the pillow under his head and then I place it over his face..
“Stop crying please stop crying” I beg
But all I hear is more screams, and then I place it down harder, with both hands I press it down as he struggles, I don’t stop until all I hear I my heart beating.
I place the pillow back behind his neck, and then I went to sleep, my tears soak my bed
They buried him a week later, mother was never the same again
Now, I am staring at father, watching up at him a she is fixes the light down at the basement.
And then the voices comes again

“Kick him’ they say..”See if he would get up if he touches the ground”

I don’t think, I kick it
“Stop it “ he says looking down
I hit it again “Sorry father” I say, and when he isn’t looking, I grab it and pushes it, father and the ladder falls.. father gets a broken neck. He dies on the spot.
And they bury him a week later.

They never like to keep the dead for much longer or less.
It is just me and mother at home now.. she is in her room, asleep.

And the voices in my head are speaking to me.
I get up and put on the gas, and allow it  stay on for an hour.. I allow it leak into the house , I shut the windows..

Then I take a match stick, a bottle of ligour , a cloth with which I tug it into it’smouth..and I leave the house..
I walk a small distance, I light it , I turn and throw it, I run, a little distance and then I turn

The house went up in one big bang. 

I don’t blink, .
I sit down, now in the open I sit down, and waited.
Mother’s body was burnt to ashes, she had a close casket service of songs.

I was the only surviving family she had.

It’s a week now, I am in social welfare services ..
A family wants to adopt me.

They are loving, they seem happy, they seem to love me

They begin paper work for me to be released, they tell me they are taking me home today and I would love it there.
I smile, I hear the voices in my head speaking to me again.
#MAY31 #31MAY
#StephanieEgberike #Writes #Thesweetspectives.com


One thought on “#MAY31 #STORY 10$11 •505 $ •VOICES IN MY HEAD

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s