I heard a story once… about a boy who lost a diamond chasing stones…
I heard the story while growing up, seated on his legs, listening to him as he tears up.
You see, I was little, but I could understand the pain of what he was feeling.
He was my father you see, all white haired and sad eyes.
But I didn’t understand why he was sad, my mother was in the other room and I saw them love each other so good.
But still, I saw him seat alone , out in the yard, staring into nothing. .. his eyes cloudy and misty and every time I walk up to him and ask him..
“Papa, what are you thinking ?”
He would look at me and then he would smile that smile of his that never quite reaches his eyes when he is in that state and then he would tell me..
“Son, maybe one day I will tell you what aches my heart,maybe one day when you are abit older you would understand and don’t make the same mistakes I had made…Maybe one day when you are old and grey like me and your wife is somewhere inside the room making tea, you won’t be out here, sitting below the dark clouds and wishing you could see a smile shine down from the twinkling of the stars…Maybe one day Christain ,I would tell you what bothers my lonesome heart” Papa would say and everyday just like that day I would nod and walk away, watching him behind the closed windows. .
I’ll see him cry and dab his eyes and then…he would smile up when Ma comes with his cup of tea and then he would smile and talk to her and I would see that trully..love is blind..
If not…Mama should have seen the ache in my father’s eyes.
I am a young adult now…and Papa..Papa still goes alone to sit at the corner and stare…just wondering and not bothering when I walk up to him coming down the stairs. .
“Papa, now will you tell me what bothers your heart…I am fifteen, I promise I would understand ”
Then he seats down, asking me to do thesame, and then he begins to talk and I swear I saw it in my mind’s eyes as his words became a picture for me to see. ..
“We grew up together , from babies to toddlers and even to when we could count and write down our own numbers…
I remember her…vividly now..
She used to pull my hair
..just to get me to stare..
Whenever I got distracted somewhere
..by other things other than her to even bother to care..
She was a year younger.. I realised now..
She used to follow me up the stairs..
Just to catch me unawares
Whenever I tried to go away from her.. even right then and there
She would cry and pull at her ears so I could regret and keep her with me here but all the while I just never wanted her there.
Over the years, I could tell now..
She was as shy as a dove..
but she was like my shadow…at every streets and sometimes up the penthouse above..
I never bothered to acknowledge her because to me, all I felt was that she was to my flesh a thorn..
And I was a boy…being rude to a girl was all but scorned.
So I pretended to like her when we were together and when others were near..I showed her I didn’t care.
And even in my pretences of like….it was a look and nothing more, a dead silence and then I would ignore
she was always nice to me…I remember it all too well now, and that only earned her my scorn even more .
All my friends thought she was silly, following a guy around who didn’t give a shit really, and was very rude and downright unfeeling.
I laughed and jeered at her you know, i mean, i wondered if she didn’t have anything better to do, other than mope at me all day, wait for me all day, write me letters all year round and so many other things i was done keeping counts off.
To me I thought it was downright cheesy.
And so I did everything bad to her a boy would do to a girl he didn’t like or felt disgusted to have around him even for a second but i swear now son, I regret it now.
Oh,you have no idea what we did..
we did so many things to her,
Not just me…all my friends and all who dared and i gave them permission to do soo too and we didn’t even bother when all she did was shed a tear and burst out crying like a fountain of water.
She cried alot, felt embarrassed when we made her the laughing stock of the school room in a second.
Running out the class she did, falling on our spiteful traps….and we felt all too swell because it was fun too.
Oh stupid me.
You see, I didn’t understand why a girl like her, could think a boy like me would care for her sillyness and cute face.
I was young, maybe your age then son but you see. ..nothing mattered to me..not even her tear
You see, I hurt her while we were in school, and at home…I was tired of pretending to care. .so I didn’t anymore , I showed her who I really was and I was hella proud of it son.
When she came around, I would let the door hit her face so she goes home and never returns, but every single time I did that,every single time she came back, and said she was fine and she forgave me.
Whenever we were asked to play together , I would turn away and ask her to leave, I didn’t want her near me, not even a slight touch of her cloths,to me she was a pest…a very annoying pest I couldn’t get rid off.
But you see son, she always came back no matter how much I turned her away, she got me gifts even from the little things she had, when I hit my head or broke an arm,she was the first person to come by and see me and rub it with her palm over my arm to make the pain go away, and still i never appreciated her little efforts, her little cares and her show of love because I was a kid and I was stupid…to even see.
And yet time and time again…i made her cry,i screamed at her for making me a sandwich, I yelled at her for being the first to wish me a happy birthday, I pushed her so hard she had a bump later for days, I poured water into her food so she doesn’t sit and eat beside me..i just wanted her away from me and I didn’t understand why she never leaves.
And after high school….i knew i treated her badly… everyone saw that and yet she refused to even see that and I didn’t understand any of that.
Son,it gets worse.
In college ,i had begun liking girls
..i was handsome, I was popular I was loved…and I loved the feeling.
You see if I had looked even at her a little more I probably would have realised she was even pretty but I didn’t.
She was just the next door neighbour’s daughter who spared so much time on her plates to be in my own personal space and I had hoped that during college, when she began to see other boys and make friends. She would get out of my own face.
But…no it didn’t happen that way.
And just as always, she still follows me around , like a shadow ghosting me while I walked back home .
She still dropped letters inside my locker and like always I had stopped reading them because I knew what she always said in them.
Like always she would be standing at her balcony and wait for me to turn off my lights at night before she goes to sleep, and like always, she would be at my door and hoping for once we walk to college together or take the bus, and like always I don’t see her, i ignore her at the door and when my friends come to pick me….i let them tease her. .and while she stares I would lean in and kiss another girl because trully i didn’t care about her ..i just wanted her to leave me alone.
One time…I almosy had a fight with my mama.
“Lucy likes you Peter, she does. why don’t you give her a chance son? you guys have been bestfriends forever, sometimes…love comes form the best of friendships”
But I didn’t want to hear of it…”We aren’t friends mama,we aren’t best of anything. She is just a girl who stays next door and wishes we are more than what we are…which is strangers.
I hate that she is always in my face , wanting to help me do this or that, shadowing me..sitting next to me helping me when I burn my hand or when I hit my head,i hate that when she smiles when our eyes meet, I hate that she keeps droping letters in my locker and tells me she likes me, I hate that she is always at my door every morning, I hate that she is the last person I see at night staring out of her window when I am about to go to sleep,i hate that she cares for me and expects that I care back; I hate that she feels we are meant to be something greater than we are….i hate her mother and I pray she leaves me the hell alone.. I can never ever like someone like Lucy. ..she is a stranger to me and I pray she leaves and never comes back” I bellow to my mother
And when I turned back, she was standing there at my door which is wide open, having heard every single thing…
Finally , I breathed.
Maybe this is what she needed to hear and have a wakeup call.
I expected her to cry and run and leave.
I spewed venom.
But she stood there with a smile on her face and says “can I walk with you to school today Peter? ?”
I wanted to scream and kick something and do whole lot of damage becsuse of what I felt…just so it would make me feel better.
So I slam the door in her face and walk away..
She never left ..
She never ever leaves.
Everyday she was at my door, she smiles…she was always happy to see me and when she couldn’t hide the pain I meted to her, she cried and then she would smile again .
I didn’t understand it at all.
All I felt was anger.
I didn’t want her near me…
I just didn’t like her because I didn’t know her and didn’t want to know her despite she knowing me..
This goes on son till my third year in college, I had been through a number of girls and I didn’t care in the least and I never for once saw her with someone. ..other than a couple of friends ..
But everytime she saw me, her eyes lits up, her smile comes in and then she would leave her seat and come to mine, she would help me get my lunch and even remove the dust from my hair, she would pick up my books and then she would proceed to help me with my homework and if I was sick she would be the first to make sure she stayed till I was well and when I was better i go back to telling her…
“leave me alone,go away..please..just go away. I hate you”
But she would smile despite that I see the tears and her hands keep shaking
“it’s okay Peter, it’s okay. But I won’t go away…you deserve a friend. .Someone who really cares. You deserve someone who loves you enough to never leave”
Oh I was tired Christain, I really was. …and every single day I made it even difficult ….hard…more painful…but she always never leaves.
The last time I remembered was when I went on my knees and asked another girl to marry me .
You see. ..i liked this girl I was with.
she was amazing,she was beautiful., she was great and I knew that she had to be the one for me..
And then she had been walking towards me when she saw me lift this girl twirl her in the air.
I expected her to leave.. finally.
I expected to see…..that Peter loves a girl for real and Peter could never love her .
But she didn’t.
She walks up to me and congratulates me and her…and told us she was happy for us…
And I knew that. ..this time she would stop. Give up and never come near me again.
That is what happened when thr person a girl likes goes for another. I mean…that was it right.
But son,she was wired differently.
She didn’t stop. She didn’t leave.
No she didn’t.
She still cared and showed her love and was there for me even when I told her I didn’t need her..ever.
Then one day…i hoped that she would leave me to be alone in my pain..
I had fallen off the stairs and twisted my ankle and while my friends and fiancé laughed and jeered at me because it was funny…
She runs to me and tries to help me.
I was angry. I was mad..I screamed at her and pushed her, causing her to tumble backwards showing all of her girlie underneath ..which caused everyone to jeer and scream and laugh and point ..
But she gets up, and comes to me…yet again.
“Its okay Peter, it’s okay. Let me help you up, you are hurt”
Angered I pushed her again and scream .
“leave me alone..leave me the hell alone Lucy…I don’t like you..I never have and I never will…can’t you just go away…can’t you just leave me ….die or something…just go away” I yelled loud enough for everyone to hear
But she gets up and walks back to me…again…
And then I grab her and shake her…”leave me alone damnit . ” grabbing my juice and all that I had next to me on my food tray I pour it all over her. ..and just on cue…everyone else emptied their food on her head. ..and when they began to laugh , I joined them too.
I think if I wasn’t stupid I would have noticed the tears that feel from her eyes that day wasn’t the same that I have been witnessing ever since I began to cause her pain,
That when she got up and ran away from there…I should have realised that….something different had happened that day.
Because I didn’t bother to check on her , because I didn’t bother to think of what I did which was much worse than all I have ever done…
I was too happy for her absence that I didn’t realise that her absence had gone on for far too long.
After awhile…I must have felt the silence ..I realised now .
How long as it been. ..since I heard her last laugh? I couldn’t tell.
You see son ,
She used to sit at every corner she knew I would be there…
She used to be the one when am alone and distressed..all my friends gone but she always seemed to care..
She used to be the one to help me when no one else was there…she used to be the one to show me love and utmost care even when I didn’t dare
How long has it been since I haven’t seen her near..? I ask myself walking back home..
It was so quiet..
Even the streets and my shadows seemed very bare .
I don’t hear her walking behind me, i don’t see her lurking at school and then later walk down beside me..
I don’t see her stand at her balcony and wait for me to turn off my lights before she goes to sleep.
I don’t see her laugh at me when I make funny faces to the other girls,I don’t see her help me pick up my books when I let them fall..
I open my door and ..
I don’t see her stand at my door waiting for us to walk down to school..
I don’t see her cry and tell me it’s fine when all I do is hurt her and make others hurt her too.
I didn’t realise how long her silence had been..and how long it has been since I last saw her near…or even here. .
I could hardly bare it now..
She knew me as a kid..
Saw me when I was down and sad..and cried on my knees..
She was there for me..even when my dad left Ma and me to fend for our needs..
She was my friend never wanted to be with me..just because of my looks and my financial heels. It was because she loved me for me.
She was quiet and shy…I could almost see it now..
Walking behind me because I was always ashamed to be friends with her publicly..
When not so long ago…she cradled me in her arms and let me cry and sleep in her lap when life took a drastic turn on me so suddenly. .
Her seat was empty..I could see it as clearly as I can the day now..
Not a word..not a goodbye..just an empty space where she once occupied..
I walked up..looking behind every now and then..praying to see her ..pop out strolling as quietly as she always did .
I ran up the stairs. .hoping that I would bump up to her on my way down just as we always did..
I waited by my window..hoping to see her sitting by hers …waiting to see her wave and smile and tell me goodnight. .just like every night she always did…
I felt alone…so alone…I could feel it now..
Her laughter..her smile..her presence..The way she looked up at me..and smiled…I knew she loved me…but I didn’t want anyone to see..because I too didn’t care to see
She was a friend to me…but I became nothing to her..I couldn’t just let it to be..
But all I feel right now is just empty inside, like a hollow space in my heart and all i amm left with is with her silence..and letters of love she poured out to me…that I didn’t bother to truly read..
I go back to read them…the last few I didn’t throw away and all I did was break down and cry because I saw her love for me poured out in those words in blue.
You see, that girl I thought I loved, I grew tired of her and wished she was someone else…
Every day now since that day…I wish I saw her sitting there and waiting for me to stare. .
Some days now…my friends don’t give me the joy I thought I had with them..
I called off my engagement and stayed by myself
Nothing again made sense.
Because I kept asking myself…
Why did I feel so sad all of a sudden that she wasn’t here anymore..?
And it felt worse because I didn’t know where she left to so I could ask her what was this I was feeling .
Her house was empty …her seat was empty and all I am left with is her scent…that lingers in my head.
Now she is gone….I know that now..
My pride..as kept me quiet for too long…I can see that scar..
You know how you never know how much you love someone untill you lose them?
Well.. that is how I felt .
You see….Maybe I was too young to understand love then… maybe mainly because I was stupid ..just maybe. .
But I never allowed myself to see the tears in her eyes or the hurt behind those smiles.
But you see son?
I looked for her in everywhere everyday, every dark corners, every smile, in every tear…
I looked for her because I suddenly found myself drowning without her there anymore. ..
I cried in my mother’s arms…
“Mama,she isn’t there anymore. . I want to tell her I am sorry..I want to tell her so many things…I can’t breathe.. my chest hurts and I can’t see her..she isn’t here ma,she left.
I told her I hated her..I told her to leave and she listened to me mama , why did she listen to me? Why did she go away from me? Why did Lucy leave me mama? I want her back,I can’t ..I can’t breathe mama” I cried in her arms but there was nothing even she could do
“You never let a DAIMOND go while chasing stones Peter. Lucy is gone Peter, you have to move on”
But I didn’t want to.
You see,she was my star and I didn’t see her sparkle because I turned away from the skies at night.
She was my high and yet I decided to stay in the low because i didn’t want to be intoxicated by her.
She was my addiction but I was sane because I didn’t want to attached to her and lose myself.
I didn’t want to love a person like her because. ..i just didn’t want to.
But when she left. ..when she left…
I felt like dying and maybe a part of me died but I realised that..only too late that i loved her..and I couldn’t love anyone like her ever and I was too blind and too stupid to see…
For years she loved me…from when we were little to when we became adults but all I did was tell her to leave and she did..eventually and all i wanted was to have her back.
I swear to you son. ..I searched and waited and waited..unable to move on with my life because I couldn’t.
She was the best thing I never had because I refused to see the beauty she brought into my life
I miss her….I want her…my goodness I really love her…but where is she now?
She upped and left…because I never saw her…and she didn’t even bother to say a goodbye, but then again…I probably wouldn’t have cared much if she did because I would have been to blind to see.
Stupid me…what am I to do now?
It’s been years now….I still think about her…even till now..when I sit by myself, I wonder. ..
What she is doing?
Is she is okay?
Did she fall inlove with another and moved on somehow..?
I know if she did…I should be happy for her now…but I would be happier if she was right here…back to me..to that corner..but this time..I would hold her hand…and wisper “I love you too”…forever
And so…I sit by myself. .years later, married with a child of my own, you my son and yet…i still think about her…i still still want her ….over and over again i wish i could go back and change it all.
I messed up, I do realise now..
I have never been able to take her off my mind…
Her voice. ..I can tell it anywhere in my dreams too
The way she loved me …
Now I know…
But I lost her.
I lost her.
And till this moment I love her..
But she would never know..because she left me son,she left me because I told her to.
Some days, even now,i hoped
That maybe someday…. she would walk back through that door of my heart…and I would never have to lose her ever again..
Because to me…to me…
She was the best thing , the best thing I never had… ” he tells me, breaking down and crying…
And I didn’t realise the tears were in my eyes and I felt them trek down my cheeks.
See,my father loved only one woman all his life, but he settled for another because he lost her..he lost her because he was too blind to see before it was too late
See,he loved my mother. ..he gave her a part of his heart… but now I know that his entire heart belonged to another who left years ago when she couldn’t take his rejection any longer.
My mother died two years ago…
While he mourned her…,he mourned the other much more…
I watched him break down .. and then this song comes to mind by OSCAR ISAAC “NEVER HAD” I heard some time ago. ..going by the lyrics it plays in my mind..
“I’ve been gone for.. so long now
Chasing everything that’s new..
I’ve forgotten how I got here
I’ve not forgotten you..
We were just children, with our eyes opened, and
You were all that I could see
You came close enough to know my heart-beat, but
Still not close enough for me..
Through the good times and the bad
You were the best I never had
The only chance I wish I had to take
There was no writing on the wall
No warning signs to follow
I know now, and I just can’t forget
You’re the best I never had..
In this motel
Well pass midnight
When I’m bluer than a bruise..
You come drifting in, through the half-light
In your funny yellow shoes..
I hope that’s you standing, at my doorway;
That’s the scratching of your key
And I hope this song I’m singing
Someday finds you
My letter to Elise..
Through the good times and the bad
You were the best I never had
The only chance I wish I had to take..
There was no writing on the wall
No warning signs to follow
I know now and I just can’t forget
You’re the best I never had…..”
As the song ended and the words faded from my head, I cried with my father…. because that song describes everything he had just told me…
And I knew that someday…I would have to leave him to find my own …and fall inlove…and be happy. But what happens to him…to my father.
I had to do something for him..
I just had to try.
You see, he kept her picture hidden,in a book he always read, and her name. Written behind it…
“Lucy Aberdeline francisca”
I stole it one night when he was in his room and I left with it
I went back to their old town ..
I searched all the persons of that same name…
Oh it took me a long time. …
Days rolled into weeks and months to years..
No one was her. ..
No one knew about her .
It’s been a long time…I am 26 now…
And Papa seats by himself staring at the stars ..
But I didn’t give up…
I refused to.
His poor lonely heart still beats for the one he lost while being young. Now they say he is dying ….and I only want to bring him peace
I keep searching
Every time I get tuned away from offices…
“She maybe dead by now”
“She may be a ghost” they said
“She..used to go to the school my grandparents used to go to in their time”
“She is dead”
“She moved away years ago with her family..this was their house ..I saw that picture in the atic with my grandparents things ..Oh sorry..I thought it was thesame person..”
You see. ..I kept searching…
And I didn’t stop..
One day I came back home, I was tired …
I had to tell myself that I was chasing ghosts..
I came back to find him there…sitting and still staring at the skies. Sicker than ever.
I go to him,kissing his hands
“Papa, I wish I could have found her for you…but..trully…she is gone” I told him..
But he just stares at me, a tear leaving his eyes. ..
“No, she is in my heart. Always have..always will be”
It was a couple of months later when I came home from school, graduated and ready to travel the world..
I stop by a floral shop to get something nice and pretty for the one my heart has fallen inlove with…
When I saw her…
She was smiling at a little girl, as she gave her a rose and patted her head and waved as the little girl left with her parents.
You see, I wasn’t sure because …whenever I thought I saw her, it turned out to be someone else…
It wasn’t just the fact that she smiled…
It was her eyes…that eyes I swear caught me.
I had stared at that picture for so long that if I closed my eyes I could see it right infront of me..
It didn’t matter that she was elderly now, and hair had turned white just like my Pa’s.
It didn’t matter that her smile came with wriggles around her eyes ..
It didn’t matter that she walked slowly…but when she smiled..it lights up her eyes like the one in that picture Papa hid in his book.
I walked up to her…
‘I am sorry but are you…Lucy Aberdeline Francisca?
“Yes child, and you are?’
My heart leaped for joy….
I grabbed my phone, having snapped the picture there…i showed not to her .
“Are you her…please tell me…are you her???” I point to her and to the phone
There..the smile again. …”Where did you get this from? its been so long I thought I lost it….no..no….I have gave it to…I gave it to…to…….” she trails off. …
“Who are you, how did you get this picture, what is your name?” She asks me
I am crying now ..I am choking for breaths. …I am breathing hard . I tap my chest…
“I am Christian , my father…my father is Peter Kevinson… he. . he….Oh .my God!!” I threw my arms around her and cried..
“Peter Kevinson..Peter ??” I felt her gasp
I release her…”My father……he ..Oh God Lucy, please come with me..please. ..he has so much to tell you..he searched for you and he is sorry and …please. .let me take you to him..please..”
She is crying now…”No child, Peter was someone I knew in my young years. ..but that is over and closed.. I am on a different path ”
“Grandma?” A girl comes close to us
“Is everything okay ?”
She nods “yes..yes. .the young man is just leaving …”
“No” I shake my head wiping my eyes. .. “I am not leaving…not until she comes with me. I can’t find you after all this while and I leave.
my father. .my father is waiting. As been waiting to tell you things himself and…..Maybe your paths are different now…but…he would love to tell you all that he holds within……please Lucy. .please. …” I begged
“Grandma …what is he talking about?”
“Nothing. ..” she cries and walks away
“I don’t know who you are or what you are doing here but you upset my grandmother and I want you to leave. ..”
I shake my head “please…please once i explain things to you you would see. ..you would understand…” I begged
“Explain what? ”
“A love that never happened because one of them didn’t see untill it was too late”
‘”What are you saying. ..?”
“I will tell you….but promise me…promise me you would help me?”
And so I sat there with her and I told her what my father had told me, I reached for the tissue and gave her when her eyes pulled up…
“This is…so sad” she cried.
“I know..that is why…why I can’t go without her you see…I know she is your grandmother and that your grandfather is somewhere around but. …I am not asking for the impossible. … I don’t think anything would come out of this but you see , my father is sick and dying and u just want him to see that she is okay..and happy and has a life and that even if he can see her and tell her what he felt and how sorry he is…Maybe he can die happy…that is all..he has searched far and wide…for her and I think it is by divine grace I saw her….right next to us….look my father is a few streets down…please ..help me…”
“She never married you know….now I know why”
‘I don’t understand, what do you mean. You are are grandchild yes?”
“Yes… she adopted my mother when she was fifteen , and a few others. ..she never had been married and she never wanted to but….now…now I know why. She loved only one man and couldn’t bare to see another man take his place…she never married. ..or loved another again” she bursts out crying and and I swear my eyes began to blur again
“Then..you must help me…you must help me bring them together. …?”
“Yes..Yes I will”
I walk home….lifted than I have ever been in years…
“Papa, papa….??” I call him sitting next to him…”Papa, this may be the last good thing I would do for you but I am glad I did it. ..I am glad I was bale to try”
“What are you saying son?”
“Soon,you would understand ” I tell him praying that they come through those doors soon…
I dress him up in his nicest cloths..
“Where are we going to son?”
“Soon Pa,you will understand ”
I wait…till I hear the bell ring…
I go out to meet them…
“You told me we were going to the mall dear ” Lucy tells her grand daughter as I open the door
“Yes grandmother, from here…I just need to see my friend first. ..why don’t we go in grandmother and we would leave soon ”
“Why is this young man here ?” She is reluctant to enter
“He is leaving grandma ..he is, don’t mind him”
I move away for her to enter …
“He is in the back” I whisper in her ears and step away as they go into the house…
“Grandmother. ..why don’t you wait out here for a second…I will be back”
She tells her and leaves her there…
“Sonia, sonia? ?”
“Christian is that you? We have a visitor ?” Papa says turning on his chair …
I stood behind the curtains…I and sonia and watched…
“No…my granddaughter asked me to wait here and don’t worry she would be back in a minute and we would leave…I am sorry ” Lucy says turning away
Peter is staring at her….
Those eyes…that voice….those eyes…that voice…
“Sonia..Sonia honey where are you?” She is moving away..
Those eyes……I …I know them…
“Lucy…?? Lucy is that you??” He chokes
No..it can’t be Lucy .
It can’t be his Lucy. .
His Lucy is gone..
She left him…she went away and never returned ….
She stops and turns around…
“How did you know my name? ” she says turning and walking slowly to him..the sun in her eyes..she can’t see him from far. .
“Lucy Aberdeline francisca hope ??”
She gasps, no one knows her full names ….no one but….
“Who are you? ”
He staggers….holding his chest. ..
“Lucy, Lucy is that you? It is me…it is me Peter Kevinson …Peter. ..Peter. ..” he slumps to the chair and holds his chest….
“Peter. .?” She gasps again,she is visibly shaking now…shaking her head…
“Lucy…Oh my lucy. …Lucy. ..Lucy. ……I am sorry ..I am so so sorry ……..I am so so sorry ” he cries
‘”No Peter please”
“Lucy …my Lucy. …I was so young and stupid and I haven’t been able to forgive myself for losing you. ..i tried to forget you but I couldn’t. ..I moved on with my life but not my heart…i was never able to tell you how I felt because I didn’t know how I felt till you left. …
my world became quiet. ..my quiet became deafness. ..and my deafness became sadness. ..
Lucy my Lucy. …. I am sorry…I am sorry ” he slips from the chair,fighting to go on his knees…holding the chair for support…
She is crying now….”No Peter please. ..please don’t I beg you…” she places her hands together and cries…”Its been soo long. ..let it be…let it be” she turns away
‘Lucy. Nooooooo. ..don’t please don’t leave me again…don’t. .i will die..I will die..
I love you Lucy and I have loved you for a long time.. i searched for you to tell you but you were gone….like smoke…disappearing from my world. ..leaving me to my pain and mystery. Why did you leave? Why did you go??”
“Because you asked me to..you wanted me too Peter. ..please let it be…I can’t be here…Sonia !!!!”
“No…..if you leave this time it would be me going after you . This time, it would be me waiting by your doorstep, this time it would be me picking up your books and nursing your head when you fall. This time it would be me walking behind you in the dark.. this time it would be me waiting for your lightss to go off before I go to bed.
This time, I don’t care if you love another and stay with another, I would go on loving you from a distance till my last breath. This time even if you tell me to leave.. I would be the one coming back again and again.
I found you Lucy. ..I found the one I never had…and I won’t lose you because you are a diamond ….and I won’t go chasing stones.
No Lucy. .. this time…I will give you all of me, as pure and undiluted and unconditionally as you gave me untill my heart stop beating .
I have searched for you for so long…I won’t let you go. I won’t leave. I wanted to tell you…to tell you …..I love you Lucy. ..and I have for a long time…Maybe much longer than I realised. ….Lucy ..my Lucy. ….” he cries in his hands
Lucy slowly rushes to him cradling him in her arms shaking her head “it’s okay Peter. ..its okay ….it is okay…”
“I love you…i love you…i love you ……..i ove you I love you “he holds her tight crying…”Lucy …I love you”
She rocks him in her arms “I love you peter,,I always have…always will…always and always “she cries too
“You are here….you are really back Lucy…don’t leave me ever again…don’t go…don’t go…”
“Never…never Peter” she laughs “for over 50 years all I wanted to hear was those words….all I wanted was you Peter.. you……I loved you for so long that loving you was all I knew how to do , that loving another I couldn’t do.
I love you Peter and i can’t believe that after all these years… my one true love would love me back too”
“I love you Lucy…I love you ” they cried in each other’s arms
Sonia kept stifling her sob , she cries on my shoulders as I cried into my hands..
You see… this moment right here was all that matters…
My father …my father became a different man.
He became younger…. and even the doctor told us that he was okay .
You see how love conquers all pain and sickness. ..
He was slowly dying from heart ache.
But as soon as Lucy came back into his life…. he became a new man…
Its been three years now…
And whenever I walk into the room…i see them…laughing into each others faces, kissing their lips and acting like teenagers and my heart swell inlove for this two….
My son is ten years old today……
We stand together with my wife throwing sand ontop their coffin as they laid them to rest.
Do you know how they died?
Going to sleep in each other’s arms…and a peaceful smile on their faces.
Oh…this love…this love is a beautiful thing.
And I pray noone suffers the life of loneliness my fatehr did, settling for another for so long all because he lost a diamond while he was chasing shinning stones …
But I am glad…that I was able to find that diamond and give his remaining life a meaning. ..and let him feel that love he thought he lost and grant him the peace. ..only love can bring..
I love you father …..
But I know ….you have all the love you need …because right there …in your cold earth bed, your love..your one true love warms you up …..and I know it would be for eternity …..
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Music : OSCAR ISAAC
TITLE :Never Had