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Finding God Series #2 – Dead, Alive, Saved!CHAP 1
I cried, i cried so much, i felt shame, i felt like a monster, i felt sinful.
“‘Stop it Ijeke, you are a man now. You should be thankful”‘ The Priest, the one who should be turning people away from Sin but was instead indulging and making others join him says to me.
“‘But you..Father you will ask everyone in the name of God to come for their salvation, you the shepherd should lead the sheep, you God has kept like a head over us stray humans..and yet you do this things, why have you made me commit this grievous sin?”‘ i cried as a bible verse comes to mind, i say to him
“‘Proverbs 27:3 – be thou diligent to know the state of thy flocks and look well to their herds“‘ you, God has given you the mandate to care for us, and yet you lead us astray ..why?”‘
He laughed “‘i am a man first before i am a Priest Ijeke, i can’t very well do what i want in public, i do them in secret, i didn’t force this boys to follow me, they did on their own”
He laughs “‘You are a necessary collateral damage .Two options, to join us or to report us. But what better way to have leverage over you if not to make you indulge”‘ he laughs “‘Trust me Ijeke, all this shame you feel will wash away in a day or two, then you will come looking for us” he says to me matter-of-factly.
“‘So all you speak about God and sin and death is a lie, you don’t believe in God?”‘
He laughs again “”Oh, i choose to believe there is a God or gods, my father was a traditionalist, i didn’t want to end up in the shrine, i choose Christianity..but between you and me, i haven’t ever met this God i preach about, maybe he is just a figment of our imaginations, just like you i was brought here, and i rose and became a Priest, i pray,i listen to confessions and i realize one thing..people sin and sin and ask for forgiveness but no one truly repents. None. I am much older than you Ijeke,so believe me when i say this..There is no God, church is good business for me, good covering.. i gave you back your life, live it, hide under the clothing of the ministry,no one will know” He says to me, he had been doing this for years, what better way if not under the cloak of Christianity.
“What if you are wrong, what if there is really a God..mama and papa won’t lie”‘ there has to be a God, all the things i have heard and being taught wasn’t a lie, it cannot be a lie. Mama wouldn’t like, Papa too. There were devoted Christians, they lived and breathed God, well..or so i think. But, they cannot be chasing shadows now can they?
“‘When you find God Ijeke, bring him to me, until then, i am my own God, and here,..everyone bows to me. Stop crying, go to bed. “‘ he says leaving me.
But you see what that conversation did to me? It told me one thing..if the people we look up to don’t believe what they preached, then why should i.. a 19 years old believe there is a God.
So against my better judgement, i joined them. And as days turned into weeks, and weeks into months and years, i became one with the flesh, enjoying everything worth enjoying.
There was nothing like Sin or Good or evil. There was just feelings and cravings and indulging and i did not give a care in the world who was watching me or wasn’t. Infact, i believed in nothing anymore. I did what the Priest did, and come Sunday, i would bow my head in mock prayer, listen while confessions were made and touch the rosary, walk around with incensed candle and by the time the church was empty and the night dark..i would be light in my steps, with longing in my loins ..i would do all..all that pleases me.
Mama and Papa lied, there was no God and all they taught me were lies.
But i had no idea..no idea that i was wrong, and that something fundamental in my life was missing.
And i was yet to find out…
Wait, i will tell you..
TO BE CONTINUED NEXT SUNDAY.