I am fifteen years old now, and that night never stopped happening, I was used to it by now, but something else had replaced fear, it was Hate.
Mother had asked me a thousand times why I speak rudely to father, I couldn’t tell her the reason, how could i? the one she called friend, lover, husband has been molesting her daughter since she was eleven.
And because I couldn’t do anything to stop it, I lashed out..i had so much hate for the man that I felt like causing him harm. But my little heart didn’t have the mind.
But there was something this experience caused..it changed me, it exposed me to the vices and pleasures of the world..to Sin.
One day I asked mother, as we came back from church “Mama, if the person you love and trust had done something bad to the ones you love , what would you do?”
“I would make sure the person doesn’t ever do it again “
“What would you do mama if the person harms the ones you love?’
“I would make sure they never do it again’’ she had repeated. I nodded, I wanted to be sure, because I was tired of it, I was tired of it and I needed it to stop.
One day, he came again, this time I was ready, I bite his hand, I hit his head and I screamed for mama..and I cried and told her everything when she came running into the room.
“She is lying Rebecca, that daughter of yours is lying” he says.
I dragged Mama and I told her, I showed her the marks on my body, but father, his words were sweeter and his tone convincing, mother looks at me and then she calls me a witch, that I wanted to destroy her home by seducing her husband, that she should have known that I was a bad omen right from the start.
“What are you saying mama” I wanted to know as I broke down. Mama told me that, I wasn’t her child, that they had adopted me when they thought they were never going to have kids but God heard their prayers and blessed them, didn’t I see that I didn’t look like any of them, didn’t I see why it was easy for me to bewitch her husband and lure him into sin.
“Mama I swear it!!’’ I begged, but Mama wouldn’t listen. Mama was the first to hold my hands and push me out of the door, tears in her eyes, she said she loved and cared for me, like her own and yet this I did, Father had a smile on his face, my siblings had confusion.
“Mama!!’’ I cried but she wouldn’t listen.
Abused, rejected and homeless I roamed the streets because no one wanted to take me in, then I realized that the streets had its own evil, and that evil embraced me.
You see, being a young girl alone, my misery did find company.
So I made friends with them who were in tune with the flesh, remember, father had already exposed me to all the pleasures of the flesh, I hated it, I cursed him, but now..i needed the flesh to survive and I did. For a while I did.
It’s been 6 years now, never went back home, no one looked for me nor cared. I had had too many drugs in my system, engaged in fleshy sins, I stole to survive, I fought, I did all manner of things, I was a scorn to my own self but I didn’t care, I was homeless, I was an orphan, I was nobody, nobody loved me, no one would ever love me, everyone just wanted to use me and I gave up all that I was just to be able to live another day and for awhile I was happy or thought I was, but one day..
I met my water low, I was nothing to write home about, no one wanted what I had to offer, used cargo they say, expired goods they named me.
I wanted to die, I should have died.
I walked out from under the bridge, not had a decent meal for over two weeks, more bones than flesh, more dead than alive, I walked to the road, and I wanted to end it all.
While the lights flashed, while I heard the screams, I stood there and welcome my death.
But right there, I found something else instead.
TO BE CONTINUED.